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Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

Behaviour/development

Am I being all PFB-ish?

34 replies

Orinoco · 12/10/2008 14:13

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TheArmadillo · 12/10/2008 14:17

I think socialisation is a huge part of schooling.

I know I'd be thinking of taking my kid out in a similar situation.

Don't know what to suggest.

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electra · 12/10/2008 14:19

You know your daughter better than anyone. I don't think you are being PFBish at all, FWIW because it is very important to be happy at school. I do believe the right school for one child is certainly not necessarily the right school for all.

And the ponyville comment was very unprofessional BTW - I must say it sounds as if the school have an attitude that stinks quite honestly and would in itself make me question anything they 'advise'. In your position I, too would consider a different school.

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MrsMattie · 12/10/2008 14:20

The Head sounds hideous! I don't think you're being PFB-ish and I'm sad for you and your daughter that the school haven't taken more steps to help address this, rather than make out your girl is some how 'to blame'. Another frank chat with Head? Or maybe it is time to move schools.

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ScummyMummy · 12/10/2008 14:20

It's never wrong to worry about your children's happiness, imo. And in your position I'd consider moving her, yes. Social issues or no, it sounds like there aren't enough kids in her current school! What are ponyville toys?

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Orinoco · 12/10/2008 14:20

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electra · 12/10/2008 14:21

Also meant to add that I was never happy at school, and found it hard to make friends until my parents moved me to a school where I fitted in better....but by that time I was 12.

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Orinoco · 12/10/2008 14:21

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ScummyMummy · 12/10/2008 14:22

They sound perfectly age appropriate for 7 then. Have you visited the bigger school?

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electra · 12/10/2008 14:23

It's worth bearing in mind too that the head of a school sets the ethos for the entire school - so if you find the head unreceptive to your concerns you are never going to get anywhere really...

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castille · 12/10/2008 14:24

It sounds to me like there just isn't enough choice of friends at her school. If she's not the sort to play with just anyone rather than no one then she might well be better off in a bigger school. Particularly as she has friends outside school, so you rightly don't sound worried about her sociability.

I would investigate alternative schools, in your shoes.

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Orinoco · 12/10/2008 14:27

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Moomin · 12/10/2008 14:30

It does sound as if the Head has formed a certain opinion about your dd (ie. she has made it clear that she thinks your dd is immature) and in a school as small as this, it would be hard to shake this as the head is likely to have so much contact with your dd. If it is at all possible and convenient for your family, I think I would be very seriously consider moving schools.

And if you do go ahead with this I would ask to see the notes your present school will be sending to the new one to make sure there are no 'labels' attached to her by the Head that might influence how they see your daughter. (I would have thought you would have some right to see them, although can't be 100% sure.)

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gagarin · 12/10/2008 14:39

When you talked about this before I thought you were going to go and see the other schools in your area anyway? Did that not produce any school places?

This should just spur you on to get it sorted. Is private the only option then - those other schools you mentioned didn't have places?

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castille · 12/10/2008 14:41

Could you put your DD's name down for all the alternative schools you like and hope a place comes up? People have to move all the time, you never know.

Going private is a bit drastic if you're happy with the state options (apart from lack of space)

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Orinoco · 12/10/2008 14:42

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gagarin · 12/10/2008 14:45

I would have thought that most dds with a choice of only 3 other girls in the year would have some sort of social issue at some time the way dcs this age fall in and out of friendships!

IMO only 3 other girls in the year is not good.

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Orinoco · 12/10/2008 14:49

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electra · 13/10/2008 01:17

Good luck Orinoco and let us know how you get on.

As an aside I do wish people wouldn't generally assume considering a private school is drastic - I have seen this on a lot of threads. Far be it for me to dismiss the state system, but there is no getting away from the fact that state schools are run in a way that is very bureaucratic. That's fine for some children, but for others they never truly fit in....and it doesn't necessarily have to be that way.

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gagarin · 13/10/2008 08:17

It's the fees that make it a drastic choice for many families mopst of whom already spend all their available income!

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AbbeyA · 13/10/2008 09:16

I would agree that she simply doesn't have a big enough pool of potential friends. Since she has the best part of 4 years to go with the same few girls I would change schools.
Usually with a thread title with PFBish I expect to say 'yes you are' but in this case definitely not.

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marialuisa · 13/10/2008 14:03

Orinoco, sorry that your trip to the head was (it seems)less than helpful. Your DD sounds perfectly fine to me. Have you had much luck with the other local options? Are there any schools on your way to work that might have spaces?

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Orinoco · 13/10/2008 18:11

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TotalChaos · 13/10/2008 18:16

agree with the other posters on this thread. I wouldn't worry too much about what may/may not be on your DD's school record - a new school will want to form their own opinion anyway.

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Overmydeadbody · 13/10/2008 18:23

I'm sorry but I'm going to go against the grain here and say your reaction to the school's concern for your DD was a bit OTT.

They do have her best interests at heart, there is nothing wrong with the SENCO seeing her and them ruling out any difficulties.

I was recpently called into my DS's school, he is 5, in yr 1, and they have some concerns about him and are having him assessed by an Ed Psych. Meanwhile he has one to one with the senco every day and has a TA in the classroom with him all morning.

This came as a shock to me. He seems a perfectly normal boy, he is, in fact, but he does find some elements of the formal school setting hard. The school haven't labelled him, they have just adapted and tweeked things so it is more accesible to him, and you know what? He has come on leaps and bounds since this was implemented.

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roisin · 13/10/2008 18:25

Orinoco - what's the programme they've suggested for her. Round here there are various group courses they do and they are fab. It would be wonderful IMO if all pupils got to do these courses - all about communication, eye-contact, how to ask a friend to play, how to compliment someone and accept a compliment, etc. We had to teach ds1 social skills because he didn't just pick them up automatically, and I would have jumped at the chance for him to have some input like this at school, but unfortunately he wasn't eligible because he was 'too bright'