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I think DS is turning into a spoiled "brat". Or is this normal?

(5 Posts)
TheSweetLittleBunny Sun 12-Oct-08 07:47:24

DS will be 5 on MOnday. We had his party recently, and he behaved terribly. He would not share, he had a tantrum if any of the games did not go his way, or protested so badly if someone else won something and he didn't. He would push, hit or say something horrible to someone and if they retailiated he runs crying to us saying "so and so" hit/pushed me" and expect us to tell that child off - when it was DS who started it! I could go on and on. I have seen him behave this way in other social situations too. I don't expect him to be perfect - it had been a long day, he was tired and excited - but I was really shock by his behaviour, in particular towards one little girl who he would not let touch any of his things (who he had behaved in the same way towards when she came round to play a few months ago - although he is OK playing with her other places). He usually shares with DH and me, his sister when she visits, and two of his very close friends.

He is our only child together (I have a DSD, who lives with her mum). He is still very attention seeking towards me, won't play independantly if we are around, preferring our attention 24/7, won't play in the garden on his own and even if we are there wants us to be fully engaged in what he is doing. He has loads of toys, games, creative activities that he can play with either on his own or with us - but spends most of his time trying to manipulate our attention. Oh and that the moment he is being funny with food - the perfect attention seeking device.

He has just started school and I worry that he does this behaviour (controlling, selfish, demanding, aggressive) there because TBH if he does, he won't have many friends - or end up being friends with children no one else wants to play with because of their behaviour. He has other qualities - he's very affectionate, loving, kind, sensitive, and very intelligent. It's just that when he gets into any kind of competitive situation, or play situation, he wants to be top dog and his bad side comes out.

We have not been big on punishing him but lately we have started to send him upstairs for five minutes for a time out, and if he throws a tantrum while playing with one of his toys - that toy now gets taken away from him for a couple of days. The little girl who he was horrible to at the party, I have told him he can't open her present for a few days.

I love my son but sometimes he makes me so angry when he acts out - DH and I just don't know what to do.

heavy Sun 12-Oct-08 08:01:55

My ds has just started school and his behaviour has taken a bit of a nosedive. I'm hoping it's just a phase.
He is not particularly agressive but I have watched the kids in his class playing sometimes and been a bit shocked at the level of pushing and shoving the teachers will tolerate before stepping in. Even now after just a few weeks they seem to be settling down - I think if one kid is overly pushy they soon learn to modify their behaviour to fit in with the majority.
You are starting to teach him that there are consequences for bad behaviour and he is bound to push back against that initially. Just try and be calm and consistent and I'm sure you'll be fine.
I have just bought ds some smiley face stickers which I'm dishing out like sweets for any remotely good behaviour as I felt like I was constantly telling him off and it was getting us all down. Good luck!

cory Sun 12-Oct-08 10:22:04

Bunny, it sounds like you and your dh are well on top of this situation and are doing the right things; you'll have just have to give it time and your message will sink in.

As heavy suggests, it is likely that he is getting a little more demanding as a response to having started school: it is a shock to step out of the family circle and discover that you are only one in a large group. It's a learning curve, it takes time. He has to learn, but it's work in progress. And a lot of the teaching will be done by the other children.

TheSweetLittleBunny Sun 12-Oct-08 13:58:07

Thanks to you both. I have been at my wits end - and I hope it is that he will modify his behaviour to fit in with a group, as you suggest. I don't want him to have a major personality change - just to be aware of the impact of his behaviour on others.

He sat with me and wrote a note saying sorry to the little girl today, so I let him open the present from her, and we are going round to one of his other friends to give a thank you card and he has agreed to say sorry to her too.

busymummy77 Tue 14-Oct-08 19:33:33

This sounds exactly like my DS. Ever since he started school he has become agressive towards his younger sister, tells me he doesn't like me when i tell him off, has been throwing the hugest temper tantrums i have ever seen.

Today he has had me in tears with his behaviour. DH says that it is because he is tired and still adjusting to school as is a big change for him.

Like OP if he starts misbehaving i send him to his room until he has calmed down and ready to apologise or take the toy of him.

Am glad to hear that i'm not the only one.

The thing is at school he is a totally different child and it is so not fair.

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