how would you discipline something like this???(17 Posts)
Looking for mumsnetters wise advice again ....
DD will be 3 years next saturday! last night, she woke up in the middle of the night and whilst DH & I were fast asleep, she played with the curtains in our room and pulled them down with the fixtures. Admittedly they were flimsly fixtures but its the fact that she played with them and pulled them down.
I spoke to her this morning and made her watch me try and fix them - i cant. I also made her sit on her naughty step but she doesnt seem bothered. She's saying sorry and no, she wont touch them again but there is no meaning in her words. I've also banned TV & sweets today.
Have i done the right thing ?? I am really annoyed with her. should i take it further and if so how???
TBH I don't think there is much more you can do with a nearly three year old. You have done quite a lot to demonstrate your displeasure and anymore will simply wash over her head. I think at that age the may grasp "sorry" but demostrating remorse to the standard you are expecting is beyond them.
Best forget about it
Have similar dilemma with my 3.5 year old who is very good at saying sorry, but there is no meaning to it most of the time. If I go on about something, he will just say "I said I was sorry" and can't understand why that's not good enough for me. I think it's quite difficult because on one hand you want them to actually BE sorry and not just say it. On the other hand, you also want to teach them the value of apologising (perhaps remorse comes later?) and not to hold grudges and stu over things for ages. I am terrified of having children who do't get over things to try to be a bit light hearted myself, but it's difficult to find the balance sometimes. I agree with cod not to punish too long into the furture as childen move on to others things easily.
Depending on the child, sorry can take a while to develop meaning. Your daughter is very young and obviously hasn't grasped it yet. I think I'd put this one down to experience and be glad that at least she wasn't hurt. Kids pull and grab at things all the time out of curiosity and I'm sure she wasn't doing it out of malice. She'll gradually come round to realising that it's not OK to be destructive, but I think you have to give it a while yet.
I think what others have said here is all sound advice but I would also add that unless she knew that she wasn't supposed to play with the curtains she probably had no idea that doing so would cause them to fall down. Therefore she has not been deliberately naughty - it was an accident so, as the others have said, I would treat it as such and forget about it.
oh she knew she wasn't suppose to play with the curtains. i know she played with them because she was bored when she woke up in the middle of the night.
I really want her to learn that there are consequences of actions and she will be punished for things she does that she should not.
My DD is nearly 3 and although she will say sorry and promise not to do things, I also know that she will have forgotton the next time. DD has ver y good understanding skills, etc. but I still think she is too young to fully grasp the full extent of "sorry" in the long term. 3 year olds only really live in the here and now - so future promises and consequences are only relatively meanigful we have found.
Unfortunately making too big a deal out of this will seem like a reward (in attention) to a child this young. Best to move on fast from this one, I think. All you can do is reiterate that curtains must not be pulled.
I find asking hte child what punishment they think they deserve is pretty good - its usually worse than I would dish out
just wanted to update everyone !
we both had a 3 hour sleep together and have woken up more rested and relaxed!! she's in front of the TV watching a video at the moment. All is forgiven & forgotten.
Even if she hasn't learnt a lesson from this, I have. You're all right and sometimes i am too harsh thinking that she will understand. Its just sometimes, when she's naughty and you're tired, you enforce adult emotions onto them. IYKWIM.
thanks everyone for your advice
Glad you're all sorted out now Blossom2. Tiredness plays a huge part in how us adults deal with things!
If it's any consolation ds1 and his chum did exactly the same thing in his room age almost 5. Dh was livid and ds1 was told in no uncertain terms how annoyed we were. Now he had no idea they'd actually break and come down round him, but he knew then that they shouldn't have ben playing with/swinging on curtains. We were very cross at the time but just told him how we felt and why and that was a big enough lesson for him to know we were disappointed with his actions. He tried to blame his chum (and I think chum actually did break them), but had to teach ds1 that he is responsible for what's going on in his room and if he can't stop something he knows is wrong, then to come and tell us. Bless him - he still talks about that accident from time to time!
All doing very well Blossom - will email you a pic of the cats if you like - they're a huge hit in our house. Ronnie is just sooooo gentle and Charlie is affectionate on her own terms - the kids adore them both (we do too). How's the pg going?
Pg is going really well. about 19 weeks now and much more energy. almost feel not pg .
Starting french lessons next week as well so that should be fun!!
Ronnie has just jumped up on my lap to say hello - doesn't want me to type though - must go give him some love!
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