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Another kid hurt mine

(72 Posts)
ManishaKo Wed 01-Oct-08 16:05:08

Hi-

I was at a friends home with my 3 1/2 year old on a play date. My son gets along great with my friends 4 year old girl, but the last time we had her over she would not let my son play with his own toys and also would not clean up when I asked her to, she threw some toys around. Couple of times I have caught my son pushing /trying to shove her and have corrected him. This time I saw him coming bounding into a room and this girl pushed him and he fell hitting his head on the coffee table and we immediately went over to take charge of the situiation. My friend did not act too concerned, she showed some and then proceeded to discipline her daughter who also started crying and apologized, but I am a doctor and I saw visions of him falling over and breaking his neck and was very upset so I went home. I was expecting my friend to call later that day but she did not. The next day when she did not call by noon, I completely lost it and called her up and started venting, I told her about how I have seen her daughter behave badly more than once and how she had hurt my son without any provocation and how she ( my friend ) dismissed the whole incident and did not seem to care too much about what happened to my son and how I thought their atmosphere at home was causing this type of behaviour and all that. My friend first was calm and she told me that she had seen my son push her daughter down before this happened and I had not seen it. I called her a liar and she also started yelling and then hung up. She then wrote me an email apologizing about not showing the requisite amount of concern and also apologized on behalf of her daughter but put a line in there telling me how she would not stand by and have me talk down her kid and her family and terminated the friendship. Her husband called me the next day to ask if our son was doing alright and again I told him how I thought his daughter was was on a downward slide and called his wife a liar again, he did not respond to that ( he's a nice guy ) telling me that he did not want to get into all that just wanting to know if my son was ok.

Did I over-react ? I need some validation here from people who may have been in similar situitations.

NotCod Wed 01-Oct-08 16:05:56

you haev lsot a mate
irelevant the rest really.

Bucharest Wed 01-Oct-08 16:06:50

Yes, you did I'm afraid. Pushing and shoving is what 3 and 4 yr olds do....it's not big, it's not clever, they need to be educated out of it sure, but they all do it.

NotCod Wed 01-Oct-08 16:07:58

i dont see hwy it matters now

you do soudns abit intense

Dropdeadfred Wed 01-Oct-08 16:08:17

yes - major over reaction, especally DAYS later to her husband!!!

'downward slide' jeez shock

DisasterArea Wed 01-Oct-08 16:08:19

yes you over reacted. kids push each other. not sure if any have really broken their necks by falling over from a 3 yr olds shove.
your frien apologised as you asked. her husband checked your DS was o.k. you carried on in a strop and calling her a liar. grow up.

Tamarto Wed 01-Oct-08 16:08:23

Kids hurt each other all. the. time.

IMO You overreacted, big time.

AnarchyAunt Wed 01-Oct-08 16:08:33

Validation? Sheesh.

You overreacted hugely.

Kids argue and sometimes they shove. If its dealt with properly they stop it.

And I can't believe you were rude enough to tell your friend you thought her home atmosphere was responsible for her 4 year old behaving like, erm, a 4 year old.

pooka Wed 01-Oct-08 16:09:06

Major major overreaction.
Your (ex)friend sounds nice, as does her DH, in showing concern afterwards.

Olihan Wed 01-Oct-08 16:09:26

You massively over reacted. Kids push and shove, they just do. It's part of growing up. If I was your friend I'd be feeling like I had a lucky escape from you. You come across a bit barmy, tbh.

MadreInglese Wed 01-Oct-08 16:09:36

Sounds like she's better off without you IMO

and if her DD is a little shite (although she sounds fairly normal to me) the last thing she needs is a friend ranting hysterical critical opinions at her

wessexgirl Wed 01-Oct-08 16:09:40

Good grief.

I'd have hung up on you.

Dropdeadfred Wed 01-Oct-08 16:09:44

I can only imagine what you'll be like when your child goes to school....hmm

MadameCastafiore Wed 01-Oct-08 16:09:49

FFS she is 4 - do you see many 4 year olds on the downward slope at your practice - maybe - is she on crack already - has she got your son trying it???

Please post yuour real name on here so I can make sure I never ask you to my house.

The requisite amount of concern I ask you! You said you caught your son trying to hurt and oush her - maybe your son is the one on the downward slope and she has learnt this bahviour from him?????????

StopSittingOnTheBabyPlease Wed 01-Oct-08 16:10:13

Calling someone a liar is never going to help smooth over an arguement. Or saying their daughter is on a downward slide.

Think you overreacted massively I'm afraid. You sound pretty over-emotional and irrational. Sorry.

Twiglett Wed 01-Oct-08 16:10:19

you really have lost a friend .. because you were extremely out of order commenting on their parenting and their downward spiral

shock

big deal you're a doctor .. the children are young enough to push .. your reaction was OTT and OUT OF ORDER

MB once said something that I think is apposite ... I paraphrase wildly

My child is sparky and needs
Your child is a feisty and needs discipline
Their child is a hoodlum and headed for prison

You skipped right from 'my child' to 'their child'

FabioAsGoodAsItGets Wed 01-Oct-08 16:10:23

My word.
You sound quite quite mad.
You are not a doctor.

RubySlippers Wed 01-Oct-08 16:10:45

you have totally over reacted to a simple incident

you have lost a friend for nothing

her DD is NOT on a downward slide

charchargabor Wed 01-Oct-08 16:11:00

Yes you completely overreacted! The other day 4 year old dsd pulled a magazine that dd was standing on and she fell over and banged her head. It's what they do. Can't believe you told her dad that you thought she was on a downward slide. shock At 4! No wonder you lost the friendship. Your friend disciplined her dd and dd apologised. It should have ended there.

Twiglett Wed 01-Oct-08 16:11:06

sheesh .. 14 posts whilst I wrote mine grin

MadreInglese Wed 01-Oct-08 16:11:13

this HAS to be a pisstake

Seeline Wed 01-Oct-08 16:11:42

I agree entirely Bucharest - show me a 3/4 yr old who hasn't behaved in this way! Of course you have to explain that it is not acceptable and also teach your children to apologise, but personally I think blaming kids is a dangerous thing. Unless you are literally watching them every second you really ahve no idea as to what has actually happened. It can be retaliation, it can be a game escalating out of control, it can be a genuine accident resulting from over-excitement. Just explain it is not nice to hurt others, and apologise if you do. Fighting with the parents is not the answer - especially if you loose a friend.

ilove Wed 01-Oct-08 16:11:49

Ummm, yes you over-reacted. Sorry.

tissy Wed 01-Oct-08 16:11:50

a MAJOR overreaction. If you want your friend back, you need to grovel, grovel and grovel some more.

Kids behave like this, and to question her parenting style, the atmospher at home and call her a liar was way out of order.

You even bad-mouthed your friend and her child to the husband. Nice.

louii Wed 01-Oct-08 16:12:24

You absolutely over reacted, not much of a friend yourself are you, what awful things to say about your friend and her daughter, If i was her I would avoid you.

Why is you being a Dr relevant? Weird statement to put in.

Think you need to refer yourself to some sort of anger management counselling.

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