How do you know if they're advanced? Bit long but desperate!

[divdavs]

Oli has just turned 3. He speaks as if he's 30! He has been a bit of a nightmare since I had my second child just before his second birthday but the 'terrible two's' have played a big part of this- the usual frustrations of a young toddler! He's always been advanced, was always the first one to do anything that involved mental development; first one to talk, it feels as if he's always talked! My antenatal friends used to get worried that they're babies hadn't learnt as much as Oli had but it became a bit embarrassing because I didn't want them to feel that there children weren't as clever but to be honest we as parents were also shocked at how quickly he seemed and still picks things up!
Now he's been at nursery 3 full days a week for the last month and they have told us that perhaps we should think about putting him in school where he'll have more discipline and more mental stimulation and be able to move up early if he needs to. But as his birthday is August 30th he'll already be the youngest in his year and to me he's still so young- surely they should just be playing?
Very torn on this, need some advice please!

xxx

[fishie]

social development more important than educational at that age imo. when are nursery suggesting he moves up? january? he's only been there 12 days!

[Plonker]

Honestly??

Does it matter whether you know if he's advanced or not??

I would strongly advise against putting him into school early - i can think of no positive reasons for doing so.

Leave him be and let him play.
Enjoy him.
Laugh with him.
Play with him.
Don't push him.

He's a baby!

[avenanap]

ds was very advanced. He could hold conversations, count, knew the alphabet at 14 months. He should have started school at 5 but I found one that took him at 4 because I thought he was ready but emotionally, he wasn't. He should have been allowed to have the extra time to play, the nursery should have given him activities that stimulated him and stopped him getting bored but they didn't. Your child's nursery really should be making an effort to encourage him to learn other skills, such as listening and sharing instead of recommending he goes to nursery early. Play is a very important part of a child's development and they can benefit alot through this. ds has also skipped a year at school because he's ahead so much. This causes problems when we looked for a secondary school so I've found him a new school that can manage his ability and he's gone back into his own age group.

[Dottydot]

I don't think they'd let him in earlier than the minimum age anyway - 4 by September 1st in that year usually.

Previous good advice on threads like this I always think includes making sure a child like this is stimulated in areas they're not quite so good at. So if your ds is v. advanced verbally, maybe enrol him to do physically stuff - swimming lessons or football. Or music lessons/drama etc. But he's only young - different playgroups will probably be good - making lots of different friends?

At this age the longer I have kids the less difference I think it makes in the long run. I've got a nearly 7 year old who in no way is advanced in reading/writing/verbal comms, but is super intelligent and a 4 year old who is 'officially' gifted and talented in literacy who's the daftest airheaded child in the world.

Don't worry about moving him up - he needs to play with children his age - he'll be fine!

[divdavs]

I agree! And that's what I've been trying to say to nursery and also friends and family- he is still a baby! Especially emotionally and thank you for that!
Do you think I should speak to the nursery and perhaps try to stop them from copping out from dealing with his behaviour?

[divdavs]

sorry this is the first time I have 'chatted' online! What does ds mean?

[Dottydot]

I'd just ignore it for a while - your ds has only just started there really - tell them you'll think about it but give it 6 months at least.

Or start looking for another nursery...

[Dottydot]

ds = dear/darling son

[avenanap]

Yes. Being bright isn't an excuse for behaving badly although it can be really hard for a bored, bright child when they are truly bored. Any attention, even if it is bad, is better than no attention. The nursery should be adressing his needs. There are alot of skills that he should be picking up there.

[Romy7]

my oli was exactly the same - all my mates called him golden wonder boy and nursery at 3 wanted the lea to assess him as g&t rofl. they only told me after they'd been told to get back in their box. extremely unlikely that school would take him early - you would have to fight the lea to statement him as a special educational need, and that's difficult enough to prove if they are below average. just let nursery get on with it.
the week before he was 2 my oli said 'mummy, why are you wiping my goolies?' when i was changing his nappy. freaky child. he's 6 now and bright but extreeeeemely lazy. does ballet too, despite being like a rugby player. there ya go - dance class. mine started at 2 in the back of his big sister's class. he did cheerleading too rofl. he loved it.

[cory]

It is lovely to have a bright boy. Enjoy it and have fun!

But the school idea seems a seriously bad one. Fortunately, I doubt you'd be able to find a school that is prepared to take a 3yo. And rightly so. School is about so many other things than ability to learn.

If the nursery are saying he needs more discipline, do they mean they can't cope with a bright (and mischievous?) 3yo? Maybe another nursery would be the answer. Agree with avenap: they should be addressing his needs.

Don't give way to pressure anyway. You are right, he is little and he should be allowed to enjoy that. He'll have plenty of time to shine academically if he is still on an advanced level in a few years' time.

[mummydoc]

hi my dd2 is very similar, and hs been assessed by private psychologist , her nursery struggled to interest her as she seemed so way out there compared with her peers, she is now at the kindergarten of my older daughters private school and is thriving ( we refused to let her start school early though was offered) , i owuld suggets looking for a nursery or kindergarten which is montessori based - it allows the child to learn at their pace through play, my dd2 is loving it and certainly seems to be stretched happily , yet still be the baby she is .

[MaeBee]

please please don't send him to school early!

mine is 'advanced' (or 'fast forward' as a polish friend of mine calls it!), and so was his dad. when his dad was 3 he was assessed by a psychologist and sent to school a year early. whilst he might have been super bright, he WASN't emotionally ready for it. his parents regret it too. also, it seemed a horrendous punishment for being clever: he dind't get to leave school a year early, just had to do a year extra. thats so unfair!

he never related to anyone at his school, and says he was depressed from 3 til 16 when he got to leave. our little one is 2 but already my partner is anxious about the whole school thing.

with my son i too get a bit embarassed at him being so good at talking. somewhere between embarassed and proud. for example, when he overheard a woman in a museum telling her child a grasshopper was 'a creepy crawly', he said "actually, its a grasshopper'....he hasn't yet developed those social skills about eavesdropping and interrupting! and when people compare their child to mine i struggle not to say something dismissive of him cos i don't want to seem too boastful.

school is NOT necessarily more mentally stimulating, unless its a particularly amazing school. you could argue it narrows rather than expands the interests of children. i would suggest that one to one attention from you or other adults, plus learning to play with children his own age, is far more important than learning maths quickly. we do a lot of natural history stuff, go for walks, birdwatching, museums, libraries, that sort of thing.

don't be bullied or flattered into sending him into the highly flawed schools system yet! give him the joy and freedom of the far superior real world first!

[AbbeyA]

I would also say no to the school idea. Appropriate social and emotional development is far more important.