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Is this normal/exploration?!!!!!!

(23 Posts)
ede Sat 26-Feb-05 22:15:03

My ds is a well adjusted boy, happy & sociable but he has a best friend who has just introduced him to the bums and willies game!! intially they just rubbed tummy's then progressed to showing each other there willies and bums and now have started pulling and toucing each other! I dont feel comfortable with this,they seem to know it is wrong from they way they re-act if i walk in on them. Is this normal are they just exploring and natural curiosty or at 3.5 yrs is this a step to far, any advise on how to discourage this and am i overreacting?

RTKangaMummy Sat 26-Feb-05 22:16:31

does the other boy have older brothers?

Caligula Sat 26-Feb-05 22:17:03

It sounds perfectly normal to me. At 3.5 years, I'd just ignore it or distract them.

Really wouldn't worry about it.

At a certain stage, they need to be gradually taught that these areas are private, but 3.5 is possibly a bit young.

ede Sat 26-Feb-05 22:20:59

RTkangamummy no he is an only child, my ds has normal curiosity with his willie but not before played with his in font of other children or with them so just felt a bit shocked at how to react or deal with wasnt expecting to deal with this kinda stuff till lot older!!

RTKangaMummy Sat 26-Feb-05 22:24:31

so it will prob be all innocent then

but maybe later on tell him that the area covered by his pants is for him IYSWIM Not sure if that makes any sense but hopefully you know what I am trying to say

kama Sat 26-Feb-05 22:33:56

Message withdrawn

ede Sat 26-Feb-05 22:35:13

glad you both think normal, im sure it is just a phase, dont know many males that have not been obsessed with there bits!!
being a bit slow here but what is iyswim??

RTKangaMummy Sat 26-Feb-05 22:36:16




RTKangaMummy Sat 26-Feb-05 22:37:41

sorry for caps

if you want to use any of the short terms

go to ancromym list and it will give you a list so you can choose some for yourself

ede Sat 26-Feb-05 22:41:12

ahhhh ok ikwym now!! {wink}

ede Sat 26-Feb-05 22:42:26


RTKangaMummy Sat 26-Feb-05 22:56:40

ede Sat 26-Feb-05 22:57:56

i also played docs as a child too. and i realise that it is non- sexual but just wasnt sure where the ideas of rubbing themselves etc comes from is it something they have seen, watched or just because those parts of there body are so obvious, especially with boys the fact that they're willies move up and down i guess is what makes them do things to make them hard or move rather than imitating anything they might of seen?

RTKangaMummy Sat 26-Feb-05 23:07:57

I never was aware of DS playing games like that with his friends

Actually I suppose most of his friends at 3 were girls

he is 9 now and very shy about changing after swimming etc.

What does the other mum think?

LUCYKATIE Sat 26-Feb-05 23:24:46


LUCYKATIE Sat 26-Feb-05 23:25:57


ede Sat 26-Feb-05 23:29:08

she thinks just a phase too,she also not had to deal with her ds doing this before,so we are both just keeping open mind and hope that grow out of it.As we are both first time parents we are both still learning and experiencing things as and when they happen. just good to get opinions from other mums as to how normal/common this is.and whether to make issue of it or let them get out of there system, both very popular at school with lots of friends and not introverted so no other worries with them

ghosty Sat 26-Feb-05 23:33:04

I think that at 3.5 it is normal. My DS went through a stage of "Look at my bum" and "Look at my willie" with his best friend at this age. When he was 4 we began to say, at appropriate times, that his bum and willie were private and nobody should need to look at them.
He has naturally, at the age of 5, developed an understanding of this ... when he went to loo he always used to just drop his trousers and pants to do his wee ... but the other day after school we were in the bathroom and he said, "Look, Mummy, if I do a wee like this no one will see my bottom" and he just pulled the front of his shorts down to go to the loo. I asked him how he had decided to do that and he said he saw the bigger boys at school go to the loo that way and he wanted to be like a big boy ....
I thought he made a huge lot of sense and praised him for being so grown up ....
His interest in willies and bottoms has taken the natural course to the usual boyish lavatorial humour where the mere mention of them or boobies or poos or farts is greeted with a snigger and a snort ....

Heathcliffscathy Sat 26-Feb-05 23:37:57

you're all saying 'it isn't sexual' as if that makes it is sexual in the sense that babies and children can be stimulated genitally...and that is nothing to be stigmatised or ashamed of...the only thing to watch for imo is if power is being used and children are being coerced by other children (usually older) or worst of all adults. i think that it's right to teach children that their bodies are their own and that their genitals are private, but please don't worry about your ds unless you feel that he is being coerced or manipulated in some way that makes him feel uncomfortable.

ede Sat 26-Feb-05 23:53:42

feeling better already, good to get some response and other opinions, almost feeling silly for asking or being so concerned!! seems to be more normal/common than i realised, i guess my ds is no longer my little baby and turning into proper little boy, who is growing up way to fast for me

Merlot Sun 27-Feb-05 00:15:40

My ds1 is coming up to eight and has suddenly got preoccupied with his `bits'. I keep catch him `fiddling' and have explained that these are his `private areas' and really this behaviour is not something that I want to see. His reply was `but it feels soooo nice!' Hmmmm - Any ideas?????

KateandtheGirls Sun 27-Feb-05 00:32:23

At 8 he's probably old enough to understand the concept that it's OK when you're in private, but not when other people are around. That way he doesn't get the idea that there's something to be ashamed of.

Whether that knowledge would be enough to stop him though is another question...

Merlot Sun 27-Feb-05 00:36:16

I agree Kate I've told him that this is something you really must not do in public. ie..that's why those bits are called `privates'

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