Any advice on 4 year olds that wake in the night and then wake everyone else up!

[cece]

DS is 4 nearly 5 and started Recpetion 2 weeks ago. This week he startes full time.

In the past year or two he has had phases of waking in the night and coming into bed with us. This usually means we both get woken up as he is very wriggly and kicks about a lot. It also means the rest of the night is very uncomfortable as we are both pushed to the edge of the bed. If we try to move him back he kicks up such a fuss that he then wakes his sister as well.

Anyway, he is currently in the waking everyone up phase. DH spoke to him yesterday about not coming in and waking us up and guess what? He went in and woke his sister up instead.... I woke at 4 am to hear them talking and the beep of a handheld computer game being played.

Anyway I tried to move him and he had such a tantrum that he woke DH up and it took two of us to move him into our bed and then another half an hour before he calmed down. Needless to say we ended up not sleeping terrible well for the rest of the night.

DD has come home from school today and has gone to bed at 4.30 as she is sooo tired. DH and I are getting snappy as we are sooo tired.

Anyone got any tips on how we can get him to sleep through in his own bed?

[pagwatch]

Sorry - not really
By the time DD was four I found that
"GO BACK TO BED AND BE QUIET"
worked well

[cece]

Tried that he just has a tantrum! and then wakes up everyone who isn't awake already!

[pagwatch]

but hes waking you all up anyway.
Your choice seems to be that he wakes everyone up and gets his own way or he wakes you all up and doesn't.

Children tend to stop tantrumming when they realise it doesn't work. At the moment it is working so he will keep doing it as he knows you will give in.

If I sound unsympathetic i really am not. My son slept fewer than 4 hours a night for two years.
My experience was to make this non-negotiable with DD because sleep deprivation nearly killed me.

[ChippyMinton]

You have my sympathy. DD just started reception and is either wanting to go to sleep in our bed, or appearing at some unearthly hour and climbing in. I'm afraid our tactic at the moment is for DH to go and sleep in her bed. It's just easier to give in and let everyone get some sleep at the moment. When she's more settled at school I will use bribery a star chart to encourage her.

[alarkaspree]

Could you try putting a mattress on the floor next to your bed? Then he would be near you but hopefully not disturbing you so much.

We have a similar problem with ds, although he seems to be improving at the moment but as with your ds it goes in phases. He is a bit younger than yours and still fits in a travel cot so we have one in our room for when he wakes in the night and we can't get him back to sleep in his own bed.

[Twiglett]

no tolerance if you ask me and yes I'd be shouting at a 4 almost 5 year old who got up and woke other people up in the night

you tell him to go to bed and do not dare wake anyone else up and you get cross with him if he does

in the daytime you explain to him how important sleep is and how unacceptable waking other people up is

you could do a sticker chart for sleeping through if you really had to

but GO TO SLEEP NOW is equally effective IME

[Twiglett]

I'm not totally sure that 'tantrum' is the correct terminology for a child of this age throwing a screaming fit in the night (supposing they're NT of course)

I think it's manipulation

zero tolerance

[cece]

Yes I can see he is getting away with it and perhaps we do need to be firmer maybe but...

We have tried the shouting at him, telling him to go away.
We have tried sticker charts.
We have tried one of us sleeping in his bed.

TBH a tantrum is the wrong word. He is shaking and crying saying he is scared. He won't let go of me and is being very clingy. He is insisting on me taking him to bed (although we are not caving in on this and take it in turns as usual). This shaking and saying he is scared is new. Every other time it has been just a habit he has got into. Now for some reason he seems geniuinely scared of his room, going to bed and sleepin. Perhaps he is having us on! I just want some sleep....

TBH I am awful if I am woken up half way though the night.... and at the momnent he is sleeping less at night than he did as a baby!

[juuule]

I second the posts saying let him either sleep on a mattress at the side of your bed or sleep in his bed with him.

We have done this with our night-wakers who were afraid. It passes. But they can go through phases where they need the security of you being close. Maybe he just feels he needs you near while he is adjusting to reception.

We had a bed-settee that they could get into if they woke during the night.
We have also got in with them until they fell asleep (or all night if that's what it took).
We still have the cot up in our room and our 5yo still gets in sometimes.

[juuule]

If he seems genuinely scared, I doubt that he's having you on.

[Soapbox]

The waking in the night thing, seems to be a stress reaction (or at least it is with our DS) and therefore I think he is seeking out comfort. IME if you give the comfort willingly and don't create any more stress the waking episodes are over in no time at all, i.e. days. OTOH if you make a fuss, it can take weeks to sort it all out.


I would just let him climb in to bed, on the basis that he settles straight down to sleep. It might be a bit of a pain but no one loses that much sleep.

Can one of you just go to his bed if you are short of space?

[littlerach]

Have you tried Rescue Remedy for him befor ebed?

We were advised it for dd2 when she was having very bad ngiths.

I do sympathise as dd2 started reception this month and has been having very vocal dreams, plus wetting the bed. She wakes dh and i with her shouing in her sleep, even with closed doors.

We have started lifting her on the loo when we go to bed to combat the bed wetting.

And we chat to her during ther day about trying not to shout.

She ahs always been a terrible sleeper though.

[jollydo]

littlerach - that's very interesting about Rescue Remedy, did you try it & did it help? My ds1 who is 4 1/2 isn't a great sleeper - most nights he wakes up and gets into our bed. We let him as he seems to just need the company and he usually goes straight back to sleep. If we're really uncomfortable one of us will get in his bed. But some nights he has sort of night terrors, usually two or three nights in a row. I had never thought of trying anything like a herbal remedy...

Cece - I agree that if your ds has just started school the recent bad nights might be related to that and he may need some extra comfort. At one time, when I felt I really wasn't ever getting a good sleep, we started to lift ds1 into our bed when we went up, then one of us would sleep in his bed. That way, he didn't wake up at all (or if he did he was happy and just went back to sleep without waking us) and so we all got a good night. Good luck.

[LeylaKier]

I sympathise. I'm encouraged to read that other 4 yr olds are doing this but I must say I'm looking for answers too. My DD sometimes sleeps through, then it's all on again for weeks and weeks. She is also saying she's scared - nightmares and fears of dark/ghosts/spiders/bugs/being alone/ etc etc. A friend said she must be a sensitive type but that's not really consolation at 3am. I read a magazine article that said with this kind of thing it's v important for parents to keep calm and not get angry as it adds to the problem - easier said than done when sleep-deprived. Sister-in-law (mum of 6) lent me a book called "Solve your child's sleep problems" by Dr Richard Ferber. It was helpful when dd2 was a baby but I gave it back. One suggestion in there was simply to keep a chart of when the child wakes and for how long each night. It helps shed light on patterns and shows when there is improvement - helps with working out what to do.

[DiscoDizzy]

I'm a fan of Ferber's book too but lent it to someone (must get it back). We have a 3.7 yr old who has a phase of getting up through the night, or waking early. At the mo, we've had 2 good nights. I have wondered if perhaps I shouldn't pander to her i.e. give her cuddles, kisses etc and just return her to bed silently. For the last 2 nights I have told her this is what is happening and so far so good. It could be coincidence though.....