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Behaviour/development

4 1/2 yr old not settling well into reception.

5 replies

dombliss · 22/09/2008 10:17

Can anyone advise on settling in issues with reception. My 4.5 yr old begs and cries evryday and is showing no signs of improving. I have spoken to teacher and she says to keep talking to her but she is having highmares and just says she hates it and wants to stay home and is unhappy when I am not there. BTW she never had a tear for 2 yrs of nursery school. She has always been a bit little bit of a loner and loves playing and dancing on her own but has always usually enjoyed playing with her friends and now (the last 3 weeks since starting ) she shows no interest in play dates and playing at parties at all. HELP I cant do this for a whole term.

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HonoriaGlossop · 22/09/2008 10:27

I sympathise with you - my ds was like this in reception and it lasted I'm sorry to say, for pretty much two terms. It is awful and gut wrenching for you to have to leave them at school so upset. Some of the other children in ds class also found it difficult to settle and there was alot of crying and clinging going on....

I'm not sure I have any answers for you as my ds certainly didn't get over this quickly but I wanted to sympathise because I know how horrible it feels.

With ds, I always made sure I handed him over to the teacher or TA. They are busy of course and they didn't tend to OFFER, but I would march over there and let him stand with them while I went as I think leaving them with another adult rather than just in the melee of kids, helps.

Also I tried not to look too worried, which was hard as I was worried, and upset! But the more worried and serious you look, the worse for them I think. In the end you have to be quite 'snip snap' about it - unless you can take them out and home educate, it HAS to be done.

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dombliss · 22/09/2008 10:39

thanks - it is strangely encouraging to hear someone else has had a tough time of it. she is def the hardest effected in the class and i do fear this will last a while. I will try to push for an assistant to take over from me - gd adv! am trying to make sure th last she sees of me is a big smile but this am was hardest. tis taking its toll!

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HonoriaGlossop · 22/09/2008 10:56

I think people who haven't experienced it might not be able to imagine just how sickening it is having to leave a sobbing unhappy child at school I meant to say, YOU need to treat yourself at the mo. It is a really horrible thing to have to do and you need to be kind to yourself - magazine, chocolate, something that will relax you!

In the end once the teachers had cottoned on to the fact I WAS going to leave DS with them each morning, what the teaching assistant used to do with DS was to get him to 'help' her with some little jobs - I think it was a good way of giving him the security of being left with an adult but without it being obvious that "You're with me because you're upset". Instead he was able to think that he was with her because he was a "good helper". I think it's got to be worth a try if your teacher or TA is approachable - they should be, after all settling in is what reception is all about!!

Good luck and most unlike me but I will offer a big //hug] because I know how you feel!!!

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onwardandupward · 22/09/2008 18:10

If it doesn't get better you could take her back to her nursery school? Or just take her out altogether. She doesn't legally have to be educated until the term after she becomes 5 (at school or otherwise).

Obviously depends on your working circumstances, but if child is distressed about school at the moment, there are always alternatives

(childminder while you work? family member who might be able to babysit on a regular basis? nursery? montessori nursery which does the reception year?)

better to be happy now than persevere with something that's making her really unhappy IMO.

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dombliss · 26/09/2008 11:47

thanks for your lovely messages - I spoke to the teacher and got dad to take her to school 3 days ago and since then we havent had a tear!!!!
she has been really happy after school and even sang and skipped all the way this morning! I think we (both of us hehehe! ) will be ok!
onwardandupward - where did you find out about the 'legal' aspect? I would love to find out more.

many thanks xx