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Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

Behaviour/development

Is it likely the ds age 5 is being really difficult because all his school friends live in massive houses and we don't??

62 replies

Jazzicatz · 21/09/2008 19:47

This is basically what mil said today and I am fuming. Ds is at private school and we are just about managing to scrape together the fees - many of his friends are wealthy but he doesn't really visit their houses much anyway. Our house is shabby and needs work doing to it and eventually we will get round to it but at the moment our main focus is getting through the next 6-12 months finacially (when I will get a full-time job). Ds has been a little sod but I put it down to returning back to school he also has a stinking cold - mil however, is convinced its because we live in a smallish shabby house and ds is feeling it. FGS he is only 5 and more bothered about what toys the other boys have. Am I being stupid here, could it be bothering him, we have spoken about things and the size of others houses has never come up as a problem. What can I say to mil to shut her up??

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moondog · 21/09/2008 19:49

What right has MIL to say this??

BreevandercampLGJ · 21/09/2008 19:54

What a load of tosh.....

We used to have friends who had two children at private school, one of the children was the son of a lord and they lived in a castle. A full on, turretted with a moat type of castle.

The other boy came home to tea and then there was a return visit.

Freddie came home from his tea date, and announced Ralph doesn't live in a normal house...........

Oh doesn't he ??

No it has water around it.

They are still the very best of friends, 15 years on.

So ignore your MIL, she need slapping in irons, in the dungeon.

Blandmum · 21/09/2008 19:55

Your MIL is talking through the back of her neck.

ds went to play with someone who had a lake with an island in the back garden (!)

ds is still the same boy he was before the experience!

GrapeJelly · 21/09/2008 19:56

He's being difficult because that's how they are at that age! I honestly don't think that it's anything to do with houses or what you've got/not got. They only really notice that sort of thing when they're a lot older, but hopefully he won't be materialistic (if you keep him away from MIL and her pearls of wisdom!) My DC are being little sods too, but I think it's cause they're tired

Jazzicatz · 21/09/2008 19:59

Thank god thought it was just me. I want my boys to understand that people live in all types of houses some big some small - she keeps on about it and it makes me feel really shit as if I am damaging my son because our house isn;t special.

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GobbledigookisThrifty · 21/09/2008 20:01

I don't think this even crosses their minds tbh.

ib · 21/09/2008 20:01

Total rubbish. Many of my close friends at school were stinking rich - I mean totally OTT, let's take the private jet to our massive ranch kind of rich.

My very best friends were not at all rich. Tiny houses, lots of siblings.

Do you know where everyone liked to be?

Wherever the parents made us feel welcome and we were allowed to have fun. Sometimes it was in a great big pile, sometimes not.

Many of the ginormous houses were miserable places where you couldn't play ball for fear of destroying some priceless antique. I hated it when I had to go to one of those.

Marina · 21/09/2008 20:01

He is in Reception, not a hovel
We have an officially crap and tatty house compared to some of the dcs' classmates, but our welcome is warm and it does not seem to have stunted their social lives or warped their tiny minds
Your MIL sounds a complete idiot

traceybath · 21/09/2008 20:02

Your MIL is talking rubbish as the others have said.

My DS1 is in reception at pre-prep and there are some v rich parents but also many v normal parents.

Don't think at age 5 they notice stuff like that. My DS thinks we live in the most special house ever because we see tractors and combine harvesters all the time.

Said house is rented and very ramshackle.

Combustiblelemon · 21/09/2008 20:13

Tell her if she thinks it's such a big deal, you'll take a cheque.

WilfSell · 21/09/2008 20:16

Oh man. Slap her.

When have children EVER cared about their surroundings? What they like is nice parents, continuity, some toys, someone to fire their imagination, coupla mates who don't whack them or nick what they're playing with and feeding every 3 hours.

It's your MIL who has a case of serious social envy: about your happy little life no doubt. Ignore the cow.

Twelvelegs · 21/09/2008 20:20

He's five and knackered.

noonki · 21/09/2008 20:22

5 year old wouldn't notice such a thing

Saturn74 · 21/09/2008 20:24

Has MIL ever met a 5 year old before?

hatwoman · 21/09/2008 20:27

your mil is not only talking rubbish she's talking rubbish that, if ds starts to pick up on it, could have a negative affect. children are wonderfully oblivious to social and economic difference and it's something to be preserved. work out something to say to her that will put this idea right out of her head and, most importantly, stop her repeating it - or similar - infront of ds.

chipmonkey · 21/09/2008 20:28

Nah, your MIL is projecting either her own disappointment in her son's choice of home or subtly voicing her disapproval of your choice of school ( I have a MIL like this!)
We live in a 5 bed detached house but my ds's prefer my sister's little 2-up-2-down terraced house because it's cosy and "everyone is together all the time"
There is no way at 5 that he is a bit bothered about his friends' houses.

hatwoman · 21/09/2008 20:28

btw - just reread my post and it could be taken to mean that I thought you were somehow socially different - I didn;t mean that, it was just a general observation

Scarletibis · 21/09/2008 20:31

I sounds like your MIL has a big chip on her shoulder to me

cupsoftea · 21/09/2008 20:32

what's her house like????

Jazzicatz · 21/09/2008 20:33

She lives in a mahoosive house - the perfect country house!

OP posts:

sarah293 · 21/09/2008 20:33

This reply has been deleted

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cupsoftea · 21/09/2008 20:35

No problem then jazzicatz - you have your birthday party location sorted. Hope you'll be having a huge sticky choc cake and the whole class

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Grumpalina · 21/09/2008 21:21

My DS1 is 8 and goes to private school. He still hasn't noticed that our house would probably fit in the living room of some of his friend's houses!!!! He's more interested in who cas swap GoGos with him and at £1 for a pack of five we can just about manage that!!!

NotQuiteCockney · 21/09/2008 21:25

My DS1 is 6, and has friends with a wide range of living arrangements, from quite big posh houses, to council flats. He never ever comments, and I know he doesn't care. (Our house is big but chaotic.)

Kids of this age get jealous 'coz other kids get ice cream more often or TV more often, not because they have a more salubrious abode fgs.

Twiglett · 21/09/2008 21:25

how sad that he doesn't get to play at friends houses

your mother is wrong

but I think I'd be focusing on the 'managing to scrape together the fees' and the seeming lack of community / play with friends because both these points would worry me although I accept money is short-term issue .. I would certainly try to do something about play-dates though ... in your scruffy, warm, friendly full of love home that is

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