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I could do with some advice about DS noy settling into school and being mean to other children

(9 Posts)
Overmydeadbody Fri 19-Sep-08 16:24:41


I feel I have failed as a parent, I really do.

DS is not being very nice to other children in the playground and today kicked another boy who is supposed to be his besat friend sad

He has also still not settled into YR1, aparantly he's the only one in his class who hasn't settled in yet and hides under the table a lot of the time.

How can I help him? What can I do? What have I done wrong?

Any advice or sympathy would be greatly appreciated right now <sigh>

dashboardconfessionals Fri 19-Sep-08 16:32:24

Message withdrawn

Overmydeadbody Fri 19-Sep-08 16:36:46

dashboard aparantly he is regularly horrible to ther children at play time sad

I feel a failure because he is obviously not settling and lashing out for some reason, if I was a better parent he would be secure and not behaving like this sad

And he lied to me about it <sigh> I feel so angry towards him right now as a result.

dashboardconfessionals Fri 19-Sep-08 17:16:26

Message withdrawn

Overmydeadbody Fri 19-Sep-08 19:37:06

Thank you dashboard!

More info:
He is very good at home on the whole, silently stubborn at times but very independant, he is used to jusdt getting on with doing what he wants when he wants at home (because he is so good and careful and responsible).

I think he doesn't like the fact that he has to do what other people tell him to do at school, which he just has to get used to.

He says he doesn't like it because there is no playing.

He has issues with concentrating according to his teacher, mostly in big group time. He fidgits a lot, always has.

The nasty behaviour towards his pears is a new thing yes.

It coencides with an unsettled time at home: our landlord gave us notice to leave but I still haven't found anywhere else to go. DS doesn't want to move house and got quite upset about it.

Overmydeadbody Fri 19-Sep-08 19:37:48

I feel I went wrong somewhere and haven't given him a stable enough home environment if he is lashing out like this at school though sad

pointydog Fri 19-Sep-08 19:46:10

Don't judge yourself as a parent over this. It's not that uncommon for children to hate yr 1, to lash out, throw tantrums, hide under tables, run away etc. Things will probably be very different by the end of his first year. Speak to teh school/teacher and try to tackle this together, but it will more than likely all turn out ok.

Overmydeadbody Fri 19-Sep-08 19:48:59

Thank you pointy. It is just so hard not to take it as a personal failure on my part.

Am meeting with the school next week to discuss strategies to help him.

Hopefully it will all be ok in the end.

RaggedRobin Fri 19-Sep-08 22:13:52

i think it would be a shame if the teacher decided to keep him in during breaktimes - it sounds like he is finding it difficult to contain himself while he is stuck in the classroom and that he is letting off steam by being more physical in the playground. all his pent up frustrations from sitting in the class are silling over when he gets out.

i wonder if you and the teacher could come up with some ways to allow him a 'release' while in the classroom? for example, he could be the teacher's helper, giving out books, going messages etc, just to give him the opportunity to move about.

lots of boys find this sudden restriction to their movement frustrating, and together with the uncertainties about the move at home, you are both bound to be a little tense.

don't be too hard on yourself or him! it's a period of adjustment for him. give him time. if the teacher makes you feel bad by saying that all the other children have settled, remind yourself that this means she must have a little extra time to work with your son to help him to achieve the same as the others.

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