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help! my friends boy keeps hitting mine

(9 Posts)
redheadmum Fri 19-Sep-08 16:19:57

my friend and I both have 3 yr old ds's. We've known each other since we were pregnant with them.

Her son gets very frustrated and angry and he tends to hit out when he is in this mood.

I have pre summer hols looked after him for her and she my son for me when we needed childcare. Over the summer holidays, my son was getting very upset about being hit, so I made sure that we took some time out and they didn't see each other. I thought a break might help.

However, here we are again, and I looked after the boy today, and went round to my friend's house this week and the little boy hit my son on the head with a spade and today slapped my son on the face very hard.

I don't think he is an awful child, just he tends to lose it and because the children and us mums are friends, it tends to be my son who gets the brunt of it. My husband is saying no more swapping kids.

I agree that our son comes first, but I'm also unsure how to proceed with my friend. I can be upfront with her (but have to say with kids its always so difficult). Would you totally say no looking after for a few months?ever? I don't think its for me to tell her how to bring up her kid.....eek, this is sticky ground.

Anyone else been in this situation?

bubblagirl Fri 19-Sep-08 16:30:38

whats being done when he does this does he get told its not nice and to say sorry or is nothing said at all

as if nothing is said then his got no boundries of course he'll keep doing it kids will be kids and my poor ds is normally on firing line and i always say thay=ts not nice no hittintg or play nicely

if i was looking after i would say no if cant play nice sit out for a little while when friend picks her ds up say ive had to tell him no for hitting today and tell of situation

i wouldnt be upset i would be upset if adult shouted smacked or timed out in naughty spot but not timed out as in playing quietly disracting from roughness

bubblagirl Fri 19-Sep-08 16:31:34

it would be a shame to not have him but if boundries are set he will learn to stick by them but consistency is the key and mum will have to do same

redheadmum Fri 19-Sep-08 16:55:37

I'm not so bothered when I look after him, as I do give him time out and explain no hitting and then we do sorry (for my boy too)

but when at my friend's she doesn't follow through, or he's allowed to get away with it.

so I worry more in a way, when I'm not there as I'm not confident how this is being dealt with.

I'm struggling because I don't want to fall out with my good friend, or not see her so much...but also I can't have my son stressed out.

bubblagirl Fri 19-Sep-08 16:58:51

could you say hv has said your ds needs to see that hitting isnt good so if either of them hit something needs to be done to make sure ds sees its not good twist the tale and lie a little bit and just say if either hit i have to say its wrong can you help me and follow through with this please

then your not saying your ds is a little horror with his hands but your saying its to enforce to your ds that behaviour is wrong etc its easy to think something up that your friend wouldnt take to heart and maybe follow through with as you know her and what might work

good luck

redheadmum Fri 19-Sep-08 18:33:44

thanks...wierdly by throwing this out in the universe I"ve just had a long chat with my friend. We may do some time out for a bit where the boys are not playing for too long together or doing an activity, rather than just playing at home.

Am glad to have just talked to her!!

Thanks Bubbla

bubblagirl Fri 19-Sep-08 18:54:48

glad you have managed to talk it through piece of mind for you both im sure smile

quickdrawmcgraw Sat 20-Sep-08 16:01:02

I had a similar sort of problem and I said to friend 'I don't think the boys are getting on so well at the moment. Maybe they're seeing too much of eachother. We should stick with going out to the pub to meet up for a while instead'
This worked and the phase passed and they're Best Buddies now.

redheadmum Tue 23-Sep-08 18:27:22

good advice, we're doing the same. ~Pub sounds good too!!!

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