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Advice needed about ds please.

(53 Posts)
mommy6 Thu 18-Sep-08 17:33:50

Ds went to Speech and Language Therapy for 8 weeks through the summer.He had 16 sessions,2 days aweek,for an hour each day.
Ds seemed to get more upset each time i took him.
This week he has started nursery,he has only been tuesday and today so far.Today he cried off and on all the time he was there.Ds doesn't talk much and i'm really worried about him at nursery.

Just to give you abit of info on Ds(sorry trying to do 10 things at once).
Ds is 3.2 and doesn't really talk much or interact with others.He can say afew words and sentences which he will then keep saying.One of them being "Where's mummy,i want mummy".Which he has spent all morning saying while at nursery.The nursery is part of the primary school which he will start next september.(he seems to young).
He is a happy little boy but i think he feel alone at nursery,he doesn't know anybody.And not talking much isn't helping.
Please somebody give me some advice.I feel so sorry for him sad
I have posted this in chat too,because i'm so worried.I have got this feeling if he doesn't settle soon the nursery will ask me not to take him.Not sure if they can do that or not.

Pheebe Thu 18-Sep-08 17:48:40

I have no expreience re the talking issue but as far as the nursery goes its highly unlikely they'll ask you to stop taking him. More likley they'll want to do everything they can to help him settle and feel comfortable there. have you spoken with the manager there? what do they suggest? They've almost certainly come across this before and might have some helpful suggestions.

Aside from the talking issue do you think he might be struggling being away from you? That too is perfectly normal and nursery will be well experienced in dealing with that.

Hopefully someone with more experience will be along soon

DesperateTooDyson Thu 18-Sep-08 20:55:23

If your ds has a speech and language delay, attending a nursery will be very good for helping him develop his communication skills. If he was my ds, I would be very keen to persevere with settling him(i used to be an slt).

Maybe ask for a meeting with the nursery teacher if ds continues to be unsettled and work out a plan to help ease him in.

However, he has only been for 2 sessions and lots of children would take much longer than that to settle into an unfamiliar setting.

I know easy to say but try not to be anxious as he masy be picking up your anxiety and thinks there is something to worry about.

Good luck, hope he starts to enjoy it soon.

mommy6 Thu 18-Sep-08 22:25:38

I will keep taking him to nursery.Luckly its the same one dd's went too,so i know how the nursery run.But the teachers have changed.
DTD, I know he hasn't been going long enough to settle yet,but i think thats a good idea , to ask for a meeting with the staff.
I think i'll see how he get on next week after he has started doing every day.

I was just feeling worried myself this afternoon,about ds is/isn't coping.I think seeing him with the other children has shown me that he definitely has some problems

lingle Fri 19-Sep-08 10:05:34

My heart goes out to you and DS. There are lots of us with late talkers on this thread
[] - we need a virtual nursery for our late talkers!

I think that it would be lovely to know a bit more about your DS. nice to know he's happy at home.

DesperateTooDyson Fri 19-Sep-08 10:50:10

Well done for saying you will keep trying.

It is soul destroying leaving your child when you know they are upset.

I hope he does start to be feel happier next week. If not, maybe you could suggest that you stay there with him for a while and gradually withdraw, playing with other children, say you are going to the loo, etc. Think what his favourite activity is and get him settled into that when he arrives.

Another thing you could do is give him something of yours to 'look after' whilst he is there. One child I knew years ago would have a set of keys (doesn't have to be the actual house keys!) that he would grasp all morning. Tell him he is really grown up and can he look after x until you pick him up.

At home talk about what he will play with when he is there. You could use photos if he does not understand the words. You could even do a photo timetable for him if he is finding the routine hard to get to grips with.

Just a few ramblings. Hope some of it might help. He is probably one of the younger ones too.

My dd starts nursery next week, so I might be posting on here for ideas then toowink

juuule Fri 19-Sep-08 11:15:00

Does he have to go?

bubblagirl Fri 19-Sep-08 11:24:55

apart from sppech therapy has he beewn assessed for anythiong else and is there any worries for any other behaviour etc?

do you have a snap centre near you at all special needs and parents and they do all sorts of things to help children interact my ds has limited speech although at 3 was diagnosed with HFA but he does music therapy and things at snap to help him interact and help with his speech although is not receiving speech therapy because ours is useless

you can also down load pec cards apparently i was advise dof this the other day so he can use pictures for expressing what he wants

if it is just speech delay and nothing more than all you can do is keep praisng and sending him i would imagine he has been assessed for other things that may be affecting his speech and social interaction already but if things are worrying you it wouldnt hurt just to see pediatrician and voice your concerns

bubblagirl Fri 19-Sep-08 11:27:24

does the nursery have senco that can help with giving him activities to help with interaction before my ds was diagnosed he was being set tasks at pre school to try to help

also does speech therapist work within pre school to help him and help them set tasks to help with communication?

you can ask eduaction people to come and assess him for one to one time within pre school would be worth asking someone how to go about this dont think you need dx to get this

kt14 Fri 19-Sep-08 11:41:25

From next week ds1 will receive 5 hours of LSA (learning support assistant) help through his preschool. We got this through our SENCO without a diagnosis and didn't have to fight for it in the slightest.

DS1 is same age as your ds, and sounds v similar speech-wise too. Nursery has really helped my ds socially, and I'm very pleased with the support we're receiving. It does take a few weeks for them to settle properly, so give him time.

mommy6 Fri 19-Sep-08 12:04:06

Thanks for all the replies.
The only assessments ds as had done so far are,development check at 2.5.The HV decided to refer Ds to SALT,where he was assessed and then sent to the group sessions.The follow up to this will be done in nursery,to see how he is there.
I really feel that Ds is scared about not being able to communicate while at nursery.He must feel so lonely.When i leave him the teacher is holding him and when i pick him up she is holding him.
Next week i'm going to see if taking something from home will help.I know he needs time to settle and 2 days isn't long enough,but i think seeing him there with the other children has brought it home to me,that ds has got some problems.
I'm starting to think there is more to it than speech delay.sad
He is at home today and very happily playing.

mommy6 Fri 19-Sep-08 12:07:51

juuule Ds doesn't have to go.Children under 5 yrs don't have to have any education.But this nursery is the locally nursery at the primary school which he will be going to next september.They only have september intakes and i was hoping it would help Ds with his speech.

DesperateTooDyson Fri 19-Sep-08 12:41:27

It might be worth speaking to the slt who worked with him during the summer if you have concerns that there is more to his difficulties than just a language delay.

After seeing him for so many sessions, they should have a feel for what is going on and whether he would benefit from other professionals becoming involved.

When is the slt due to visit him next.

Teacher sounds great if she is willing to give him that reassurance. At least he is not being left to crysad

juuule Fri 19-Sep-08 16:12:11

Mommy6, I was just wondering whether he had to go because you were at work those days or had to do something which meant he couldn't be at home.

It is early days as regards settling in at nursery but if he is finding it all very distressing then I would consider withdrawing him from nursery.

What do the nursery staff think? Have you asked them whether they think he would benefit from nursery or staying home until next September?
Would the speech therapy/assessment still be available if he didn't attend nursery? I would have thought it would be. Does the nursery think he needs assessing for other problems?
You say that he is a happy little boy. What makes you think he has other problems apart from delayed speech?
Sorry for all the questions. I would be asking these myself and probably other questions, too, if I thought that my dc was as unhappy and miserable as you are saying your ds is. I would want to know all my options.

mommy6 Fri 19-Sep-08 21:38:55

The nursery staff are great,but next week they will have all the new children together.This week the new children have only done two days each.Ds's days were tuesday and thursday,some children did monday and wednesday and so on.So next week the staff will have more children,but i'm not worried that ds would be left to cry,just that he will have more new faces.
I really want ds to settle because i think nursery is a good stepping stone for going into school.
The speech therapist will go into nursery and see how he is doing but don't know when yet.I think i will give it till wednesday next week and see how he is doing,then see if i can set up a meeting with the staff.
juuule i'm not sure if ds has any other problem apart from speech delay,which may just be having a knock on effect.iykwim.If nursery does make ds miserable,of course i would rethink taking him.At the moment it may just be he need longer to settle,which is new to me.My other dc all loved going to this nursery.I will be asking the staff if they think ds needs assessing for other problems.

lingle Sat 20-Sep-08 15:26:51

mommy6. If he not ready for nursery, then he simply isn't ready. We can't work backwards from the school starting date and force our children to fit the system.

My neighbour ( a consultant paediatrican) delayed sending her son to our school nursery until he was 3.8. She simply said he "wasn't ready". He doesn't have special needs, he just wasn't ready. He is blessed with an October birthday but so it goes.

mommy6 Sat 20-Sep-08 20:03:22

lingle i know what you mean.If my ds isn't ready i will have to take him out.It would be a shame to do that though,because this will be his only chance to go to nursery.The schools in my area only do septmeber intakes.
I think i just needed somebody to say,don't worry he will soon settle and catch up with his
I will see what next week is like,hopefully it won't be has bad as i think.

lingle Sat 20-Sep-08 20:39:03

He probably will settle. My neighbour's boy is fine now but even starting at 3.8 he cried himself to sleep there the first few times sad. It took about 5 weeks.

mommy6 Sat 20-Sep-08 22:30:14

If the local council hadn't changed the in take dates he wouldn't have started til january.Then he would have gone to school the following jan,which would have been better.
I think seeing the other children has made me more aware that ds has a problem with his speech.He can say afew things like: car,bike,mom,dad,ball. And he can say afew simple sentences like,wheres my mom.But you can't really have a conversation with him.

HonoriaGlossop Sat 20-Sep-08 22:40:18

"We can't work backwards from the school starting date and force our children to fit the system" Lingle, those are wise words and i think mommy6, that's the way to think about it.

Logically, and time-wise, as an adult you KNOW that it would be good for him to settle as he will start at school next year.

unfortunately our kids readiness comes in it's own time and not to fit in with the education system.

Also, readiness in children isn't that neat "go here to get prepared for going there" thing IMO. Children make progress in sudden spurts rather than a linear progress IME. they suddenly just do things, or become ready for things, even if they haven't 'practiced'.

So I wouldn't worry about it being a stepping stone. If he's not ready it won't BE a stepping stone. So take him out if he doesn't settle, and don't agonise. Try again in a few months, and you may get a very different picture.

LunaFairy Sun 21-Sep-08 08:33:45

As it's only been a couple of mornings, It may be too soon to tell if your son will/or will not settle. Have you tried staying with him whilst he is settling in?

I wanted to start my ds at playgroup this month but when I went to the trial session before the end of summer term, I decided he wasn't ready. He seemed just too young to go it alone. I've now confirmed to start him Jan 09. This way he had a few more months with me at home and I can work on a few things to prepare him. A matter of a few weeks or a couple of months makes a huge difference in a child. My ds will be more than ready by Jan - I can already see a difference in him over the summer.

TotalChaos Sun 21-Sep-08 09:33:06

mulling this one - as I mentioned on the other thread, DS had severe language delay at 3. He was unhappy at private nursery - but was very very happy when he moved to school nursery. I think that the private nursery were just not experienced enough to recognise and deal with his language problems (in particular with understanding of language). I think the right sort of nursery environment can be very beneficial to a kid with language problems though - so I wouldn't really want to take the risk of pulling him out of nursery/pre-school completely with the hope that 3 or 6 months down the line, the language will have massively improve, as unfortunately that may not happen. I think it's better to look for a pre-school/nursery environment that will work with him.

Talk to the nursery, and in particular flag up any difficulties he has in understanding, so that they are aware that if he doesn't comply with instructions it's not just naughtiness.

mommy6 Sun 21-Sep-08 10:16:53

HonoriaGlossop Thats one of the problems,ds can't start in afew months.The intakes are september only.
TotalChaos thats one of my big worries,that he won't improve with his language without the whole nursery environment.By saying that i don't mean that i don't try at home,of course i'm always trying to get him to say new things.Like when he comes to me for a drink he now says drink please not just signs.
I will be talking to the nursery staff.One of the staff is SALT so thats a bonus,shes lovely too.They already know about his speech delay,but i think they need to get to know him first before they can say if they think he has other problems.I'll see how he is tomorrow when i leave him,i might stay for abit if he gets upset,i really don't know,i'll just do what feels right.
I have spoke to ds over the weekend about nursery,he says he going to play and ask where's my mommy.I'm starting to think he's saying that to the staff because its one thing he says really

DesperateTooDyson Sun 21-Sep-08 10:36:30

Is this what we used to call a 'language cluster' that he has a place in? i.e. is it run by slt and nursery teacher/nurse?

If that is where he is attending, places in these nurseries are like gold dust! smileHe would only have been offered a place there if they really felt his communication difficulties warranted it and were not just going to resolve on there own at the moment (as Totalchaos suggests).

I would be guided by the staff. If they are experienced, they will have helped settled many many children and should have lots of ideas. Be positive that he will settlewink

Good luck next week. Let us know how it goes.

mommy6 Sun 21-Sep-08 10:51:32

DTD this nursery is part of mainstream local primary school,just lucky that one of the teachers is a trained SALT.But i really don't think his communication difficulties are just going to resolve on there own.I think he really needs the whole nursery environment to help him develop.
I will be positive,he will settle.Thanks smile

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