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Help!! dd keeps lying

(11 Posts)
megandsoph Thu 24-Feb-05 13:26:55

Hi,
Just looking for a wee bit of advice from anyone who has experienced my problem....

Well dd1 is 3.9 and she is really starting to worry me with her lying she lies about everything from the normal "it wasn't me" when it most obviously was, but she is saying more serious stuff now about things like she told my childminder the other day on a bus full of people that my partner hits me and she has told me that my childminder has hit her so you can see this is quite serious and very very worrying she tells us staright after that she's telling porkies but I am getting really worried I have tried telling her the story of the boy who cried wolf as I think the moral of the story is perfect for this situation but she still does it.... It scares me as my biggest fear I have, is if something was to happen to her how would I know, I have even resorted to warning my partner if he ever hurt either of my children I would do time, I wouldn't mind but he is a fantastic dad as is the girls childminder. My childminder has said maybe I should try and dismiss it when she says something but what sort of parent would that make me??? Any suggestions would be great...

Fankoo
Clare

megandsoph Thu 24-Feb-05 16:36:27

anyone?????????

Hausfrau Thu 24-Feb-05 19:36:47

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Weatherwax Thu 24-Feb-05 19:58:26

No help but I have a similar problem. DD2 is nearly 4 and tells lies all the time. Once caught out she will go on to do it again so she isn't learning from getting caught. Some of her tales are so improbable I have to keep myself from laughing.. We have another resident in our house "Mr Nobody" he does a lot of bad things.

I don't get the hitting tales though, is there anywhere she could have picked up such ideas? Books, accidental TV watching, other children at the childminders? I'd tell her that if anyone hits her I want to know immediately and therefore I would be grateful if she would try not to tell porkies about such a serious matter. At this age I dont think it works but I hope at some stage the message gets through to my kids that if things go wrong I am on their side.

Sorry got to go she is screaming. Good luck and I hope you get some good suggestions. I really want to get over this lieing stage

wilbur Thu 24-Feb-05 20:04:15

Ds is just turned 4 and has been lying about some things. He blames his sister for things that couldn't have been her (things put in the bin while she was in her high chair etc) and often denies he has done something. It bothers me a lot and I am trying really hard to impress on him that I get far more angry about the lying than about the "crime". I'm not getting through at the moment, but I hope it works eventually. Many, many kids go through phases of lying and I think how it is handled is really important. I do think that you dd telling people that someone has hit her, if you know it to be untrue, is more serious, but at not yet 4, it will probably be a while before you can really get through to her that it's wrong. I would just keep gently, firmly telling her that it's unacceptable, and also give her no attention when she is saying something that is untrue, don't get mad (hard, I know) just turn away. Maybe that will help her see that it's not in her best interests to lie.

pinkwhistle Fri 25-Feb-05 07:44:58

IMHO this is a normal phase that children go thru about this time. It isn't really a malicious thing, just an immature way of trying to get out of a tricky situation. (Some adults still try it eg Bill Clinton )

Basically they are trying to avoid getting into trouble. They think if they don't admit it, then they can't be held responsible for it. BUT if you say "Did you..?" when you know damn well they did, you are pretty much inviting them to lie. So try "I know you..." or "I saw you..." instead. If you didn't see it, make it easier to tell the truth by asking and wondering aloud what happened, rather than accusing them outright (this leads to defensiveness even in adults!). Don't give the 3rd degree or get into a debate.
If they insist they didn't do something say "I hope you are telling me the truth. If not I will be very sad".

If they do tell the truth, try to thank them for being honest (even if you are seething). If a child learns that telling the truth only gets them into a world of trouble, they learn to try to cover up with a lie to avoid it.

As for making up stories, kids this age get fantasy and reality mixed up and don't understand there can be serious consequences for making up things about other people.

Clare, maybe you can try telling dd the boy who cried wolf story?

webmum Fri 25-Feb-05 09:56:48

it must an age related thing, dd1, now 3 and 9 months has just started telling lies.

The other day I asked her if she coul clear up her toys and she said that it had been her dad who had left them out the prvious day (the room had been tidy only 15 min earlier), and she insisted even after I told her it couldn't be, and a huge tantrum followed.

I'm afraid I ahve no suggestions as I've got enough trouble dealing with her anyway, lies or not...but It strikes that they all seem to be of very similar ages, so it must be another of those 'phases'....

good luck

Pinotmum Fri 25-Feb-05 10:08:27

My dd has been doing this for a while now - she is 4y4mo. It is more fantasy type stories. This week her Nursery Teacher remarked that XXXX had told her about my ds breaking my pot and how I was cross and dd had cut her foot on it. DD blushed and said to me "Fooling you" and her teacher said "Did you tell a Whopper?". I think she likes to get the attention. I tell her the story of the boy who called wolf but she carrys on .

megandsoph Fri 25-Feb-05 10:37:08

ello,
thanks for responding all... It must be a phase it's just worrying when it's the more serious things like adult's hitting that worries me... but I do know that all in her life at the moment adore her and would never hurt her, the main concern I have is that with this new law about smacking and stuff it totally petrifies me that she may say something when she starts nursery in september a teacher or another adult who doesn't know the family may take her comments serious.

My childminder told me yesterday that apperently dd1 told her firstly that dd2 had been sick the night before last and mummy had changed her bed clothes in the middle of the night hmmm (LIE) which could of got me in trouble as the childminder won't look after a child who has been sick within a 24 hr period.... and then she also told her mummy and daddy have a new dog and have got rid of our cat lol.... not sure where that came from as I haven't got the pennies or time to have a dog... Kids eh???? lol sure hope she grows out of it Soon!!

Loves
Clare

Pinotmum Fri 25-Feb-05 10:52:12

Is it the Meg or Soph dd? I have a Soph dd and she is the whopper teller

Slink Fri 25-Feb-05 12:57:17

My dd has been lieing about her new school saying that people hit her and that noone plays with her etc, and that teachers watch while this is all going on. Anyway i said that i was going to meet up with the teacher and the other childrens mummy's and find out why this was happening. (i know the other reason is she is taking alittle longer to settle in the new school.) She changed her story... anyway i did speak to the teachere who said she is really freindley blah blah.

So i have said to dd that when she lies i get very upset and then can't trust her, but when she tells me the truth i am very happy because she has been honest. I also got the book of the boy that cried wolf and explained the story.

Things are not great but she is getting there..

Is that any help???

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