2.5 yr old - constant crying - at end of tether.

[auntyspan]

DD1 is 2.5 years old. For the past 4 months, every time something hasn't gone her way she bursts into tears and cries and cries and cries. Even the smallest things, completely random like DH not shutting a car door 'right' makes her inconsolable. We've tried affection, ignoring, distraction, bribery, reasoning, punishment and nothing stops the tears. For example, yesterday she had a friend round after nursery and when the friend left, she cried from the moment the door shut (6.45pm) to the moment she fell asleep (8pm)

She's also waking up in the night and crying which again is very draining.

Any tips would be gratefully received - even if it's to tell me to ride it out and the phase will pass.

Thanks for reading.

[limecrush]

oh god I have so been there

some of them are just so sensitive. With ds1 it was definitely that (massively physically and emotionally sensitive still at age 5- huge fit the other day in the school pool cos water got in his eyes, etc etc)

Also, I think due to his sensitivity, he would never sleep in the daytime and would go crazy with tiredness by the end of the day.

It's so horrible, I nearly went mad. She is probably a very clever little girl with a huge, emotional personality. Later you will see the benefits of that but god sometimes I still wish I had two ds2s (spends all day pottering around laughing).

I think with a child like this you need to take care of yourself and get time off. Do you work? I found that a lifeline with ds2 and me and H used to pass him between us a lot when each one had reached end of tether.

[Phil75]

Ooh yes, ditto all that. My DS1 was and still is to an extent, exactly the same. He's very emotional and gets completely distraught if something's not done how he wants or expects. When he was much younger I found keeping a really tight routine helped, so he knew what was coming and when. However, I know rather regret that as he cannot cope when things don't happen as he expects. As with limecrush, DS2 is completely different and very happy-go-lucky. Often think I over-indulged DS1 as he was the first and I possibly bowed to his every whim.

God, listen to me rambling. He's 4 now and it's definitely better than it was. I guess as they get older they just learn more coping mechanisms and you can reason with them more. I also found working a couple of days helped and making sure me and DH take turns at weekends!

He's a gorgeous boy in many ways and very bright. I'm sure they'll be hugely successful in life!!

[paranoidmum]

Poor you. Very frustrating, but just run-of-the-mill 2.5 year tantrums. No amount of reason will work when they are in the rage. You just have to somehow switch off to the noise, and carry on as calmly as you can. If it involves doing things their way, at 2.5 yrs it is sometimes easier to "give in" for an easy life. Giving in won't instill bad habits - too young at 2.5. It is just a phase and will move on to something else later on. Just you wait til they get to 3 ... !

[cluckyagain]

Difficult - poor you! I would be tempted to sit her in the hall but with you saying 'darling you're not in trouble at all and if you want to tell me something WITHOUT crying then come back in, BUT I don;t want to listen to your crying as my head hurts' or some such. Really matter of fact and lovingly said.

[cluckyagain]

Sorry - meant to say - this kind of avoids it being attention of any kind - no reward (different room - can't be seen) and also no punishment. Very annoying for a 2 1/2 yr old I suspect!

[Miaou]

auntyspan, this might sound like a bit of an odd thing to say, but have you had her ears checked? I remember one MNer had this with her dd, constantly screaming, wanting attention all the time - it turned out (I think) that she had glue ear and was very unhappy because of it. She had grommets fitted and the problem was resolved. All the time she (and we) had assumed the problem was behavioural. Maybe worth getting them looked at?

[auntyspan]

All great messages thanks so much ladies. It's made me feel better to know I'm not doing anything wrong and there are other parents in the same (or have been in the same) situation.
Limecrush yes I do work and it's a lifesaver - I'm prg at the moment too and I'm sure my tolerance is lower than normal! I like the idea of taking her out of the room Clucky so I'll definitely try that one.... and will get her ears checked too Miaou thanks for the tip!

Again - thanks

[bumbling]

DS was abit like this now 3.3. I managed to/learnt to head off quite a lot of the regulars by involving him a bit more. So he constantly kicked off about getting into the car so I started saying which door will you get in/get out of for eg. Do you want to get in this side or that side. Racing games work v well with us too, not sure if they're just as good for girls though. Can you get in your car seat by the time I count to 5 and then make a big fuss and lots of clapping. Basically tried to give him lots more false choices if that makes sense. Going up to bath time was another daily flashpoint and now we have do you want to run up/chase daddy/be carreid like a digger/ove3r the shoulder/which toy will come to bathtime etc etc. You've probably done all these things. But essentially I took one of the regulars every so often and tried to think up ideas that would diffuse/head off the usual battles.