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Any ideas for a very stubborn 4 year old?

(9 Posts)
vigobay Wed 23-Feb-05 11:33:47

Though this is the first time I've posted, I am an avid follower of mumsnet and I guess today is the day to get over my shyness!!

Things have been building up for a few months with ds1. He never gives in...always feels he's right and doesn't like to be told he's done something wrong...in fact, when we ask him: well, what do you want us to do when you've done something wrong? he says he wants hugs and kisses. (He is a very cuddly boy and since he said that we have tried giving him even more kisses, but not when he's misbehaving...like, catch him when he's behaving or awhile after the INCIDENT), but he still says he wants kisses when he's done something wrong instead of time outs, etc.

Any ideas? Help!!

MARRA Wed 23-Feb-05 11:45:20

i had issues with my daughter and i found the best thing is to not give them options of punishment....i used to sit her on the bottom step for a few minutes and then have a chat once we had both calmed down.
explain that naughty people dont deserve hugs etc but really good people get lots of hugs etc, he needs to work this out for himself or you will find you will dig a big hole for yourself once he is at school.

or maybe take his favourite toys away from him for a limited time....its a killer but it truley works....you need to threaten him with it but if he carries on you must stick to your word and carry out the threat....sounds really harsh but effective.

vigobay Wed 23-Feb-05 11:54:27

hello! well, what we do is sit him down on a particular rug (no steps in our house) and he hates it, has a bit of stomp when sent and it's later when we'd talk to him about what he'd done when it would come out about wanting kisses. maybe we should talk less and just get on with things, it's just that sometimes he shocks us by how inflexible he can be.

MARRA Wed 23-Feb-05 12:02:51

well we discuss it at the time [once calm] and have decided not to bring it up again later....sort it out with him sooner rather than a chat later its like bringing up old news......at a guess he has probably forgotten what he did when you chatted later on and he is just saying that he prefers hugs etc..... i mean we all prefer hugs and kisses.if he is naughty do time out, chat....then carry on with the day and encourage good things with hugs and kisses he will soon get the message.

MARRA Wed 23-Feb-05 12:05:28

also maybe you guys are sending mixed massages to him.....stick to your guns and mean what you say, and try not to talk about the bad things.

hey best of luck. my little one has not sat on the step for ages, she gets warned but she knows we meen it,

suzywong Wed 23-Feb-05 12:06:46

another vote for not giving them the option and act topically rather than postpone the discipline, 4 year olds can't remember why they are being punished after the event


they need to take direction from you particularly in moral and discipline issues

4 is far too young to be given leeway like that, you have to be black and white as marra says: do x and I take away y. end of story

MARRA Wed 23-Feb-05 12:19:13

another great one which we still use is the counting method.
if madam is being naughty i will warn her...if she does not stop immediatly i will tell her that i am going to count to three and if she hasnt stopped i will take something away or she will sit on step.
she pushed it a few times and i followed through with my word.
now all we have to say to her is....i will count to three....its stops immediatly.
also good if they are glued to tv and you need them to put shoes on or something....i just start counting....slowly but loudly....she shifts by the time i have said number 2.
also great in public...you just start to count and they know. this way noone gives you harsh stares as if you are a bad parent.

vigobay Wed 23-Feb-05 12:30:09

Thanks for the advice....the counting is a good one, I'll try it with him!

suzywong Wed 23-Feb-05 12:45:39

oh yes! the counting method, plus, it gives you time to diffuse your own aggravation

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