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Is being deaf a problem these days? Should I be more concerned?

(23 Posts)
QueenBhannae Wed 10-Sep-08 18:13:51

My dd2 has sensorineural with an element of conductive deafness and has hearing aids in both ears (12mths).

Talking to my Mother about this, she said she would be devastated if this had been one of her children. The teachers of the deaf have contacted me several times and the jist of the conversations were about how upset I must be with the results of the tests etc...

I was not distressed by the news and tbh a little bit relieved that it was 'only' deafness but in light of everyone saying how sorry they are etc hmm I am now wondering if I have under-reacted?

I am already confident with makaton and have bought a rear facing high pram so she can see what I am saying/signing when we are out and I can check her aids are in.
My thoughts of my dd2's future have not altered at all but I am second guessing that confidence now.

I would love some opinions and experiences from people please. smile

LapinOnTheEventHorizon Wed 10-Sep-08 18:16:49

I don't have any experience but I think your positivity is fantastic and hopefully your daughter will grow up with that same attitude smile.

PussInJimmyChoos (argh, think she namechanged, can't remember what it is!) is deaf, she may have some input for you.

Best of luck to your DD and you as well x

gagarin Wed 10-Sep-08 18:20:53

Because so many people react like your mum when the slightest thing goes "wrong" for their children I expect the staff get used to extreme reactions and are sort of expecting it!

I mean just think of some of the threads on here about children who get colds or coughs. Or who don't eat much. Or who eat too little.

And your lo has hearing issues and you are CALM!

Your attitude will ensure she is just fine grin

QueenBhannae Wed 10-Sep-08 18:21:09

Thanks lapin. grin

hanaflower Wed 10-Sep-08 18:23:21

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MmeLindt Wed 10-Sep-08 18:27:53

We have a little boy in DS's kindergarten who is not completely deaf, but very hard of hearing. He wears hearing aids and they do some kind of signing with him (not sure if it is the same as Makaton, we are in Germany)

Sebastian is DS's best friend and they get on great. I have noticed DS (4yo) starting to sign when he is speaking to Sebastian. It has not stopped them havign a very close friendship. DS also speaks very slowly and clearly when he speaks to his friend and it has actually been beneficial to DS as his speech has improved too.

Sebastian was, for some reason, not diagnosed until he was about 2yo so he has not had the advantage that your DD. He still copes very well and is a friendly, happy boy.

I never feel sorry for him, as he is just DS's best friend. I am absolutely gutted that we are moving away soon as it will break both their hearts

Please continue to be so supportive and positive about your DD and do not let anyone bring you down.

cthea Wed 10-Sep-08 18:29:15

Hi QB. You sound very cool about it. I have a deaf 11 month old who is soon having a cochlear implant(s) operation(s) and, although I have other experience too from my son, I was pretty devastated to learn she is also deaf. I've got to terms with it now and I was half-expecting it anyway (or rather 25%) but it was still a huge thing for us. Well done for feeling so positive about your DD.

Older generations will have lived in a time when deafness was an impediment to good education (sadly, still is nowadays to some extent), good communication, good life. I wasn't on speaking terms with my mum for a couple of years because of difference in attitudes about this. I mean, Ok to have differences, but i was still expecting support.

Have you joined your local NDCS? Have you met other families with deaf kids?

Well my parents and sister are deaf and all of them have a university degrees and good jobs if that helps

LollipopViolet Wed 10-Sep-08 18:55:43

QB, with a mum like you, who accepts her as she is, your DD is gonna be fine. As someone who is visually impaired I can speak from experience.

QueenBhannae Wed 10-Sep-08 18:57:09

milf - it does help, thanks for your input.

cthea- I hope your dd's implants are sucessful and its not too traumatic for her. I loved having my adenoids out (!) when I was little but I was qute a bit older. I am getting a visit from totd tomorrow and will be trying to get as much info as possible about groups in the area etc.
At the minute I know a coupleof others with deaf children but they are all much older han my dd2.

MmeLindt (I love lindor) thankyou for sharing. How gorgeously adaptive cldren are.Your little man sounds like a gem.

Thanks all of you for such nice comments, when I posted I wasn't looking for praise, just genuinely worried that maybe it was going to be more of an obstacle for her than I anticipated.

I would love to hear more experiences.

geogteach Wed 10-Sep-08 19:07:44

DS1 is severe / profound, goes to mainstream school, speaks clearly ad just got level 3's in his key stage 1 sats. I know we are lucky, he is a very good hearing aid user and already had good speech when he was diagnosed (age 3). I am glad you are positive I think I am mostly too, it seems to me that new technology is improving the outlook for our children every day. Having said that I have met others with similar and different levels of deafness who have encountered far more problems than us, so I know we are lucky. where in the country are you? DS is the only deaf child in his school and I have made a lot of effort to meet other people in a similar situation, I think it is important to know that he is not the only person who is deaf but many of the groups we have gone to the kids are at units so already know each other from school. DS now has 2 other friends about his age who are in mainstream schools near by and I find getting together with them really beneficial. He has also started football training with a deaf team to allow him to meet more deaf people.

NoblesseOblige Wed 10-Sep-08 19:26:35

my ds is also severe/profound and wears hearing aids. he is also at a mainstream school and is doing really well! he will also go to a mainstream secondary school where there is a hearing impaired unit which will help him even more!

well done QueenBhannae (and everybody else!), please don't let your confidence in your dd be undermined, there is no reason at al why she should not do as well out of life as a hearing person smile

will watch this thread with interest as would also really like to hear about other peoples experiences smile

cthea Wed 10-Sep-08 19:28:15

Hi Geogteach - Dominic's mum here. Dominic went to the residential summer camp at Mary Hare this August, his first 4-5 days away from home. He had a great time and met lots of other deaf kids. I think they were about 40. He said only about 10 were speakers, the others mainly signers, so he didn't get to interact with everyone because he doesn't sign. We also go to a deaf club in Fulham once a month, he meets some other kids there. He's in mainstream school too (level 4 in his SATs at the end of yr 3 - v pleased) and we intend the same for secondary.

QB - is your DD2 signing back yet? I've been signing a bit with my DD2 but we only think she may have signed back a few times, not sure yet. She'll soon be 1.

sugarpear Wed 10-Sep-08 19:38:25

Hi queen. My ds2 had his cochlear implant done just over a year ago. And the results are fantastic. His like a different boy. Ds2 wasnt diagnosed till he was 2 and then it was hearing aids. Which had no effect on him at all as his hearing loss goes down as far as 150.

And also the new cochlear have interchangable bits for the processor and magnet. All lovely colours and pretty flowers on them.

My ds3 started school on monday. Same school as ds2. Its a main stream with a deaf unit attached. And when he had his uniform on and was ready he said ' but mum where's my hearing aid like ds2' Bless it did make me giggle. He thought by going to school he got a processor too. He thinks it cool cos ds2 has one with a smily face on so he wants one now too!

Ds2 is adored by everyone in his school. Yet i was worried he would be treated differently. But its never held him back. His so outgoing.

when he was at the pre-school thats attached to his school, one of the staff didnt take to ds. His very energetic and she was more used to quiet kids (oh i wish!!) Anyway when he was poorly and had 2 weeks off she even rang to ask after him and could i hurry and send him back as she was missing him!! She told me she never realised how much he kept the others entertained. And without him there they were hard work!

Times have changed. I still worry for ds.But i worry for all my kids.

Deaf or hearing. With love and encouragement nothing can hold our kids back!!

If you want to know more about the op just ask. X

geogteach Wed 10-Sep-08 19:45:34

Hi cthea. Alex goes to Brighton, he loves it but is a long way on Tuesday night! The thing at Mary Hare sounds good but so few oral kids may be frustrating as Alex doesn't sign either.

bran Wed 10-Sep-08 20:03:32

The teacher that ds had in Montessori pre-school last year is profoundly deaf. I didn't realise blush, I just thought she had a very slight speech problem, possibly a cleft palate or something. She has had cochlear implants quite recently, but had done all her teacher training etc before the implants.

Pinkglow Thu 11-Sep-08 12:07:11

My mum used to be a sign lanuage interpretator so got to see interact with the deaf community in my area at the time.

As a result I wouldnt be too worried if my baby turned out to be deaf, theres alot that can be done with regards to both hearing aids and aids in the home now so its not seen as inhibiting in the same way as it was in our grannys day. Although in our grannys day being left handed was inhibiting wink

PussinJimmyChoos Thu 11-Sep-08 12:14:08

Lapin - am still the same! <twirls in her virtual Choos and wishes she had a RL pair!>

Queen - I'm profoundly deaf and have been for most of my life. I went to a mainstream school with a hearing impaired unit attached and support in my lessons - although actually, I found most of the time, I could get by very well with a radio aid and sitting at the front! Did A levels then went to Uni to do a Biomedical Sciences degree. Am now married with a two year old DS and all manner of gadgets to help me hear him at night etc (most of them vibrate which explains why I'm generally pretty cheerful....grin )

Sooo...deafness is only a problem if you make it so. Its all about attitude. I've always been very much of the attitude of why should being deaf stop me from doing anything I want? Although obviously there are limitations in certain careers but on the whole - its never held me back. My DH is Arab and I'm learning Arabic at the moment - have 1-2-1 tutition so its nice and quiet and can put my hand on my teachers throat if I'm struggling with a particular sound...

You already sound as if you are sooo positive about it all and the idea of a high rear facing pushchair is fab as it will help your DD to develop her lip reading skills.

You are doing fab! Please feel free to CAT me if you want further advice!

XX

mamalino Thu 11-Sep-08 12:27:07

Hi QueenB, think we have met on threads with similar subjects previously. As the parent of deaf children it is a refreshing change to see a positive reaction to deafness. I think it's sad that your experiences show society as a whole still has such a negative reaction.

Parent Place on the National Deaf Childrens Society is great but the majority of posts about initial diagnosis are a bit "my world came to an end" so like you say, if people don't initially feel like that they might start to think they should!

We never had a problem with accepting our DCs deafness, yes there are challenges with communication etc but the actual deafness itself has never been an issue.

Boop Sat 13-Sep-08 21:11:02

Hi
Have just seen your note, and not that I have a Deaf child, (my dd is still under audiology dept thou!!) but I use to work with Deaf people, most used BSL to communicate by.
I think that the way your so very positive, will only benefit your child, and your child will have a wonderful future with all your positive thoughts.
My view and only my view so not to upset anyone is that I think if you give your child total communication support it can only help x eg Speach, Sign, listening skills etc.
Well done keep up the good work x
Boop
(I use to visit Hamilton Lodge in Brighton, Very good school, but use total communication - more sign )

LiegeAndLief Sat 13-Sep-08 21:55:05

I don't have any experience of this but just wanted to tell you that one of my colleagues is deaf (I am a research scientist). She is in a senior position, is very good at her job and the only impact her deafness has is that she has to sit where she can see everyone in meetings to lipread. She's very quick to point out if you are mumbling with your hand over your mouth!

I'm sure your positive attitude will have a huge influence on your dd's life as she grows up. Best wishes to both of you.

QueenBhannae Sun 14-Sep-08 16:14:37

Thankyou all again for the wonderful replies, hopefully this thread may be of use to people searching as well smile

I am, along with a cuple of other members of my family, going to be learning some bsl.

The booklets and infomation given to me have a kind of 'woe is me' feel so I am glad that so many peoples real experiences have been much more positive and helpful.

Mamalino- hello again! Yes, the threads are of a 'my world came to an end' vein! I did feel a little insensitive and abnormal but this thread has been excellent and I have shown it to family and friends as an example of how attitudes should be and that deafness isn't the barrier they pecieved it to be.

Thanks again.

RaggedRobin Sun 14-Sep-08 23:44:06

i'm lucky enough to teach deaf children (have worked in mainstream and currently work in signing unit) and have found that a positive parental attitude makes a world of difference no matter what the setting/language choice. it sounds as though your daughter has great support from you.

Great to hear you'll be learning BSL - the moderately deaf pupils in our unit who have no problems with speech also sign and it's so helpful for the pupils whose first language is BSL. Doesn't have to be one or the other!

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