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lo all dad now he is home

(16 Posts)
bumbly Tue 09-Sep-08 10:37:29

for hols...always has never liked me much but book reading in morning was going ok me and him alone

dad here he takes book from me and cries walking to dad...what is that all about??

making me feel really rejected and even more sad

i mean rerally did not want to reAD book with me at all costs and cried until dad arrived to do so

i have been reading to him for months! so i real mean nothing to him at all???

lulumama Tue 09-Sep-08 10:41:10

bumbly, do you really think your son does not like you much? you are really fat too hard on yourself. my own DCs always prefer DH to read / play/ put them to bed etc. if he is there , as he is not there very often. it is simply they want to be with their dad when he is around, rather than with you, who is always around. it is not a rejection. whilst DS is occupied with his Dad, have a cup of coffee and relax a bit!

bumbly Tue 09-Sep-08 10:48:26

yes i do because i understand totally what you are syaing but for lo to completely throw a tantrum if i suggest read with mummy while dad in kitchen did surprise me!!!

Smee Tue 09-Sep-08 10:48:42

Bumbly, honestly it's because he's not always there and you are. My DS was the same with his dad when he worked away in the week. Try and take it as a compliment, as it only means that you're his rock and can therefore be taken for granted (well he is only little, so being selfish is allowed). I'd bet he's always far more naughty for you too isn't he? Mine is most definitely with me. It's really really common with dads and doesn't mean he loves you less, if anything the opposite. He's grabbing time with his dad while he can, so don't resent it, just take your free time for you and enjoy seeing them together.

ksld Tue 09-Sep-08 11:06:09

Isn't there something about LOs only throwing a tantrum if they are totally secure in your love for them, so know they can behave badly for you, and it won't change how much you love them? That's what I always tell myself anyway.

Bumbly - I know it is hard not to feel rejected, I always feel hurt when my DSs want their Daddy (DS keeps asking at the moment when Daddy can stay home and Mummy go to work instead) but I tell myself it's just because Daddy has novelty value, and he'd get bored with him too if he was always home.

But please don't doubt how much he loves you, of course you mean everything to him - even if he doesn't show it. Try to back off and have a coffee while he's with Dad rather than make it an issue - if he senses it gets a reaction he may do it even more!

bumbly Tue 09-Sep-08 11:50:44

ok thanks still not convinced but AM HAVNIG COFEE AND ABOUT TO DO SOME SEWING...TIME FOR ME...

Smee Tue 09-Sep-08 11:54:59

Time for me always makes me a better mum. Enjoy it, it's so rare smile

Kewcumber Tue 09-Sep-08 11:59:49

blimey bumbly have no idea how old your ds is but brace yourself it gets worse. My DS will cry if I try to tak him to the toilet rather than nanny.

Having said that if someone else looks after him all day he askes "where my mum?" incessantly.

If he is very young under 18 months then he barely distinguishes the difference between you an him at that age, he isn;t that aware you are two separate people whereas Dad who isn't around as often is a new and different person.

bumbly Thu 11-Sep-08 18:13:12

weelll getting owrse

i thought the distinguishing frm self was already gone at one

now if just brings all his toys to dad and dries and looks for him even though am there standing in room playing with him and his toys

just doesn't want my company

surely that isnot normal!!

LIZS Thu 11-Sep-08 18:18:32

They don't recognise themselves at independent beings until 18 months - 2 . For example if he looks in a mirror he thinks it is someone else not a reflection. He simply takes your presence for granted.

LIZS Thu 11-Sep-08 18:46:26

Thinkign a bit more about this , how about your dh does some specific activities with him, like swimming at weekends so that your ds has a less blurred view of who does what with a bit of structure and you get regular break. Obviously won't work so much at home with such as reading and toys but if you show an active interest, he may gradually be prepared to share the same stories and toys again with you in time. Take up the book and even if he isn't interested pretend to read it yourself or just play with his toys !

Kewcumber Thu 11-Sep-08 22:50:13

but he's OK when he's on his own with you, you say. I really don;t think there's a problme - he spends a lot of time with you Daddy is new and exciting you are not. It will swing backwards and forwards between you for a few more years yet.

PussinJimmyChoos Thu 11-Sep-08 23:00:54

Oh gawd my DS does this all the time! He is mad about Daddy! I just think its the fact that I'm there all the time - you just get taken for granted. Its hard when he's upset and chooses to go to Dh rather than me, but from a positive aspect, it means they are secure enough in your love for them that they can run to someone else, rather than seeking validation from you all the time iyswim?

tori32 Thu 11-Sep-08 23:04:12

I feel for you Bumbly. DD1 is exactly like this and has always been daddys girl from birth. He had first skin contact but thats a long story. She has just started to grow out of it at 2.5 and seems equally happy for either of us to do things. It isn't personal, just novelty factor of daddy not being seen as often as mum. Completely normal ime.
The only advice is to act like you don't care who does what and don't try to smother him and appear to need his affection. He will change with age. I found that as soon as DH was off and dealt with her mahoosive tantrums and had to discipline her she changed!!grin Until then he thought she could do no wrong and I had to discipline = the 'bad' parent iyswim.

UniS Thu 11-Sep-08 23:28:32

sounds pretty normal from here. boy is daddies boy through and through. mummy is Ok so long as daddy isn;t around. I love it, means I don;t have to spend all weekend taking boy to the loo and playing at being a train. DH can do his share. Boy only sees his dad for an hour or so most days ,he seees me for 12.
funnily enough tho, dh maintains that days I'm not there (I work some weekends) boy asks for me.
Little kids have no idea about being polite and not showing your adoration of someone you only get a few chances to be with. they can;t play it cool and even handed.

bellabelly Thu 11-Sep-08 23:32:52

Bumbly, my twins (13months) act up all day with me, crying, fussing, fighting over toys etc. Dad walks in at 7pm and they are ALL SMILES!!! Used to make me a bit grrr until I worked full-time for 5 weeks. Then it was my mum or our temp nanny who got all teh crap and when I walked in they were - yep - ALL SMILES!!!

It WAS lovely, but now I'm back as a stay-at-home mum and I love knowing that it's not about me, it's about someone new coming in through the front door and being more exciting than mum who's been with them all day. That's all it is - it's not about you, honest.

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