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my 3 yr old is so rude to other children/parents

(9 Posts)
vannah Mon 08-Sep-08 22:58:11

And I have no idea if this is normal behaviour, since his 'friends' of the same age or even younger are really quite lovely.

All week he has been rude and aggresive towards other children, we have been invited to play at other's houses several times in past few weeks, but he is always embarrassing me.

If the child talks to him he says 'no go away don't speak to me', he snatches their toys and goes into a corner to play on his own. He attacks if a child comes close or tries to play with HIS/HER own toy.
Today at soft play he told a mother to 'go away these are my balls' and later on rammed a bike into her daughter's legs. Everything belongs to him.

His baby sister is nearly 9 months old, he was great with her (except first few weeks) but has recently started pushing her a lot especially if she crawls anywhere near him, he can send her flying.

Have really told him off, he has sobbed and promised not to be unkind anymore. But there is real anger in him that he cant control.Often see him clenching his teeth.

Fed up and really worried. He is also very attached to me, (Im at home) he is loving affectionate and very bright...

any ways to deal with this?

Twiglett Mon 08-Sep-08 22:59:17

zero tolerance

get down on his level and take him away from it each and every time

he's just testing boundaries

NappiesGalore Mon 08-Sep-08 23:01:54

agree testing boundaries

emphasise testing boundaries

not being 'bad', just wanting to know whats what with the world and the current status quo... by, yep, you guessed it, testing boundaries.

deep breaths, repeat yourself ad infinitum, and remember when about to explode, 'this too will pass'


vannah Mon 08-Sep-08 23:05:03

really thought we had passed testing boundaries at about 2.5!!! Not again. sigh

snowleopard Mon 08-Sep-08 23:06:45

I don't know, I know a 3-yo who is very like this (not yours though, going by the details!) and it seems to me that it is just his personality. I don't mean he should get away with the unpleasantness - he needs to learn that being rude/aggressive isn't OK - but he may genuinely not like other children and not want them playing with his toys.

With this child I know, I often end up thinking "well fair enough, no one asked him if he wanted me and DS to come round to play, he obviously doesn't like DS and doesn't want us around and we should respect that". We often organise playdates because we, the adults, want to see each other and no one asks the 3yos if they want to share their toys - we just tell them they have to, don't we? If you're an introverted person, even when you're 3, you can still find social situations difficult.

Have you tried asking him why he feels like this and how you could help? At 3 he might be able to talk about it a bit.

Twiglett Tue 09-Sep-08 06:45:42

I hate to break this to you vannah but children continue to test boundaries throughout their lives

Smee Tue 09-Sep-08 10:59:38

Ah, it's just his age. My DS is sweetness itself, but he went through a phase of grabbing all the toys and screetching like a banshee... T&NG are right. Be kind, but firm - move him away and stop him doing it as soon as he starts it. No negotiations, just zero tolerance. He'll turn back into being lovely again soon, I'm sure.

wendiwoo Tue 09-Sep-08 11:21:39

I agree with twiglett!... take a deep breath, be calm and deal with every situation consistently. Make sure that other caregivers ie dad grandparents are also following same behaviour technique. I would give one warning, if behaviour continues remove him from situation to a place of safety for three minutes (one for each year of life) do not get into conversation! when you welcome him back get down to his level and clearly explain why you he had time out. Ask for an apology and reward if him if he says sorry. It is important to be really positive and praise him when he behaves well (caught you being good!)He will grow out of it... then move on to something else! Good luck!grin

vannah Tue 09-Sep-08 20:54:31

thanks again everyone, snowleopard I think that may also be true for my DS- he has always had this sort of personality, just taken different forms eg when he was 1, had a huge problem with him biting everyone.

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