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Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

Behaviour/development

Biting your child repeatedly (on more than one occasion) because they bite you is wrong right?...

89 replies

LittleMissBliss · 07/09/2008 21:55

It just saddens me a mum that i know does this.

One occasion she left teeth marks on his arm and today she said he has a bruise on his back because she had bitten him back again. So clearly because she has to keep on biting him to show him it is wrong isn't working. Also the fact that he laughs at her when she hits (to punish), bites him or tells him off (he's only just one).

The reason she bites him is because she doesn't want him biting other children. But bites that leave marks and bruises are just awful aren't they? I'm trying to not be too judgey because d/s is still toothless at 10 months so don't have this problem. Can anyone suggest a better way to combat biting? He has nearly all his teeth so he does hurt her or who else he chooses to bite.

I would never say to her face ''you shouldn't bite your!'' child because i can't dictate her parenting style. But if you have any good tips i may be able to slip them into conversation the next time her son goes to bite another child.

Also just to put as much into the OP as possible we have very different parenting styles but very different children also. I luckily have a very placid good natured son, i know that isn't a reflection of my parenting just luck and genes. Her son has been very hard work from birth so i do feel for her as she has had a hard time.

OP posts:

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Wilkiepedia · 07/09/2008 21:57

Personally, I think to bite back one is acceptable (I realise this is a very emotive subject) - however, to bite and leave bruises or marks (esp on his back?!?!?!?!) is actually verging on abuse and yes you should say something.

Think it is dreadful.

Wilkiepedia · 07/09/2008 21:57

*once

onepieceoflollipop · 07/09/2008 21:58

I believe it is now illegal to use physical punishment that leaves a mark.

I am anti-smacking though (and anti-biting) so probably not unbiased but this sounds like abuse imho.

Lazarou · 07/09/2008 21:58

She hits and bites a one year old?! What abitch, tell her to stop! Is she insane?
He is one, a baby! Of course he won't stop if she does it back!

thisisyesterday · 07/09/2008 22:00

OMG! yes it is totally wrong. it's wrong to do it once.

what a horrible thing to do to a one year old. he has no idea what he is doing is wrong because he is ONE. she is reinforcing it by doing it to him.

LittleMyDancing · 07/09/2008 22:00

How on earth is biting him demonstrating that this is not something reasonable people do?

she's meant to be the adult here, she should show him how to behave BY EXAMPLE.

LittleMissBliss · 07/09/2008 22:01

Its hard for me as d/s doesn't have teeth yet and i haven't gone through this i really don't know how parents deal with the biting issue.
But hard bites that leave marks just seem a bit much to me.

I think by the time my ds gets teeth he will be more aware on what is wrong and right and this will probably be easier for me.

Any tips would be great. I don't want to tell her off i just want to help her out.

OP posts:

LittleMissBliss · 07/09/2008 22:02

I really don't know how to go about it?

OP posts:

mabanana · 07/09/2008 22:02

Might be worth telling her that what she is doing is illegal! Can't you suggest it is pointless?

LittleMissBliss · 07/09/2008 22:03

Because our parenting styles are so different. I would never bite my child.

OP posts:

smurfwendy · 07/09/2008 22:03

great idea - bite a child to show them it wrong to bite. Im off now to put my fingers in the socket to show ds what not to do.

Wilkiepedia · 07/09/2008 22:04

The book 'Toddler Taming' is very good and has excellent suggestions, maybe buy it for her?

LittleMissBliss · 07/09/2008 22:04

I don't think that would make her stop. she talks about it so openly. She doen't see it as being wrong.

OP posts:

Hassled · 07/09/2008 22:05

Tell her that by biting him all she's actually doing is giving him the message that biting is acceptable. He's too young to realise that the pain of being bit = don't bite other people - babies don't have that sophisticated logic. It's like expecting him to work out that 1 + 1 - 1 = 1; just too confusing. Not to mention cruel.

LittleMissBliss · 07/09/2008 22:05

the book sounds good.

OP posts:

mabanana · 07/09/2008 22:05

I don't think I could be her friend. I think you should look really shocked and say 'a bruise??!' in a horrified way, and then say, you'd better keep that quiet, it's illegal! Does he cry when you hurt him? Poor mite!

wessexgirl · 07/09/2008 22:06

Completely wrong. He is a baby. Do mention that she could come to the notice of Social Services if GP/HV saw it. It's pointless, stupid and cruel, never mind different parenting styles.

mabanana · 07/09/2008 22:07

Yes, the point about social services is a good one. And true!

cwtchy · 07/09/2008 22:07

Bloody hell, I've got a 1 yo and I couldn't even imagine biting her! If she bites me I normally yelp loud enough to scare her off. A firm no is as far as I would go.

If she is hitting and biting him a lot, and leaving bruises, then I would be seriously thinking of reporting her if she were my friend. No parent should be leaving bruises on their child.

nappyaddict · 07/09/2008 22:07

wikipedia - so if you bit back once and then the child bit you again a week later what would you do then?

Wilkiepedia · 07/09/2008 22:07

Asda had it on offer for £3 a while ago when I bought it. Dr Green (who wrote it) is a pacifist parent and it definitely made me rethink how I deal with DH but thankfully I've never had biting to deal with!

To bruise or mark your child is so wrong on so many levels and I wouldn't be afraid to tell her so.

Lazarou · 07/09/2008 22:08

LMB, your ds is gorgeous by the way.

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Soapbox · 07/09/2008 22:08

An adult who bites a child so hard that she leaves teeth marks/bruising

If she doesn't see it as wrong, then I think you need to tell her!

In fact I would go so far as to tell her, that if you ever find out that she has done it again then will will report her to the authorities!

Bugger the friendship, who would want to be friends with this kind of revolting person?

Wilkiepedia · 07/09/2008 22:08

Nappyaddict - this isn't a debate on my parenting style. Sorry.

hester · 07/09/2008 22:08

OK, trying to breathe deeply here and be constructive: suggest to her that she try saying NO (calmly but firmly) then put him down/move away/not pay him attention for a couple of minutes. The best thing you can do at this stage is to not reward them with attention for bad habits (and that means ANY attention, good or bad - biting back definitely counts).

She is normalising physical aggression for her son. She really has to stop.

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