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Behavioural issues with toddler LONG but PLEASE help :(

(7 Posts)
Ree24 Thu 04-Sep-08 14:32:33

Hi guys i am new here, and i feel if i don't air i am going to burst with tears. I am lost and i don't know what to do.
I broke up with my childrens father, a year ago and it seems to have taken an effect on my eldest who is 4, Joshua. His father was a bully, who got very aggressive at times. He smashed things, slammed doors, bruised joshua, used to let his older boys "ban" josh from certain rooms when they were over I tried to stop them, i aired my views and always made sure my baby was loved but he wanted to play with the boys, he didnt understand why he wasn't allowed i did find it hard to stand up to my then partner, as he was a bully to me too. Over the years my son has expressed the unwillingness to share with his sister, pushing her away etc and he does with other children too. I have tried to curb this, he has had toys taken away, had the naughty step, mat, room etc to no avail. My son has now taken to saying no and screaming at me, and when i tel him to apologise he laughs at me, i can't seem to discipline him and he doesn't listen to me. He won't let his sister play with any of her own toys, he gets so angry if she distrups a specific order his toys are in. He wont let her in their room alone as he hides his toys in there, it seems.
The other thing with my son is the way he tries to hurt people and animals. I obviously THINK i have curbed the animal one but i am struggling with the people one. He spits in my cousins bf's face, and gets so hyper active he wont listen to me controlling him! It isn't down to food colouring or too many sweets, i have monitored this.
I have been told today that josh pushed a little girl over and she got very upset, and he pushed two others over too. He has done it everyday this week and did it when he was at nursery too. My friends little boy is in his class, and says nobody really plays with josh, as he pushes them. A little girl called holly upsets josh by saying she doesnt like him and apparantly punches him in the head, though a teacher has not told me such things? i am assuming they would???
I dont know what to do. I tried talking to Health visitor and she just says its normal behaviour, and sent a person over to see him and for the measely hour they were here, he was as good as gold.
I am at a loss. I am thinking the doctor might be able to help me.
The other thing with josh is the rages he gets into. He gets so angry he shakes and goes red and throws things and smashes things I think the way his father was has effected him and i dont know what to do to help my little boy. i am litrely in tears because i feel like such a bad mum. I have made an appointment for next thursday at 2:20pm which means he will have to come out of school early for it as it's importan. I hope they understand.
Joshua's half brother was diagnosed with aspergers syndrome two years ago.
Added onto this is his sensitive hearing, he screams when buses and lorries and trains come by if they are too close to him, and he covers his ears.

Twiglett Thu 04-Sep-08 14:48:03

oh poor you.

Who have you made an appointment with? Is it your GP? I hope it is.

I think you are right to suspect some type of hypersensitivity and if I were you I would write down all the things you are worried about and take them in with you to the doctor to ensure that you are listened to.

I think his hypersensitivity to noises is one thing, but he may have other sensory overload points that you are not aware of but may be expressed in his behaviour.

Hyperactivity and rages can be normal for a 4 year old but what you describe sounds ott

Have you spoken to the school about him and asked their impression? Is there a possibility of a referral to a specialist.

Of course with Aspergers Syndrome in the family I can understand your concerns but do not leap to conclusions yet. You do need to set the ball rolling.

Maybe you should re-post on the SN board too as there are many experienced and helpful there

Ree24 Thu 04-Sep-08 18:49:13

Hi thanks for your reply, what is the SN board? is that special needs?
I have made an appointment with the dr yes
Thanks for your help by the way :D x

LostGirl Thu 04-Sep-08 19:21:35

Yes, Special Needs is slightly further down the list from Behaviour/Development. I have no real advice but lots of sympathy for you. The doctors appointment sounds like a good idea and even if he cannot help be maybe able to suggest other people that you can speak to who may be of more use.

Talk to the nursery staff, they may well have not seen the punch to the head or they may have chosen not to mention it (is amazing what some nursery teachers feel it is not necessary to pass on to parents).

Good luck, I hope things improve for you all smile.

bubblagirl Thu 04-Sep-08 19:30:16

sorry to hear your going through so much it could be from what he has seen or been through or could be more

best thing to do is see gp but write everything down as it happens so you wont forget any major issues maybe he could have adhd but obviously im no gp so best thing write it all down and let gp take a look will probably refer you to a team to assess him and it will go through from there

but hold nothing back on the information it wont make you look bad but if they know it all then they can give him the help he needs i really hope you do get some help xx

mumjoanne Thu 04-Sep-08 19:47:22

You sound as if you have all had a rough time of it over the last few years and I really feel for you. I don't know anything about the aspergers angle but I wonder from a behaviour point of view if you have got into a situation with your DS that he gets attention for bad behaviour which keeps him doing these things. Maybe he is doing these things because he wants attention whatever that attention is. Could you try (and I know it would be hard) to only say position things to both your children and see what happens. Cuddle them, kiss them, reward the smallest thing with praise and encouragement. Try the carrot not the stick. Personally I don't like the whole naughty step (altho if it works for you fine). I jsut wonder with the changes in your lives if your son just needs lots of loving attention and reasons to be good. Not sure if this helps but thinking about you - good luck

Smee Thu 04-Sep-08 20:08:52

Just a thought, but would it maybe be better to see the doctor without your son first? It might be v.tricky and even upsetting for him to hear how concerned you are. Also, if you temper what you say because he's in the room, the doctor might not realise how worried you are. Good luck. I really hope you get some support to help him through.

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