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Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

Behaviour/development

How long should I expect to be wracked with guilt?

21 replies

Wade · 02/09/2008 20:02

I've just accidentally trapped my dd's finger in the highchair. She is just 12 months and screamed blue murder. Oh God... the guilt. I could have cried myself. Probably wont be able to sleep tonight. I'm going to go and look at it again now she's asleep.

OP posts:

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specialmagiclady · 02/09/2008 20:04

until she stops cradling it like a puppy dog.

Or forever, whichever is the later...

PeppermintPatty · 02/09/2008 20:07

Don't worry Wade, I'm sure she'll be fine.
My DD fell downstairs last week cos I forgot to shut the stairgate (I was rushing). She was fine but I felt very bad
Everyone makes mistakes sometimes.

Piffle · 02/09/2008 20:07

this is your first child right?
Best cure have 2-3 more!
Everytime ds2 falls off the highchair climbing around and he whimpers. I say well what do you expect mate (he never has hurt himself)
He is my 3rd and is 17mths
The first 2 are careful cautious kids
This one? He is a reckless,fearless and busy loon

Wade · 02/09/2008 20:10

I will reconcile myself to feeling guilty forever! Yes she is only one.

OP posts:

meandmyjoe · 02/09/2008 20:30

Done this with my ds. Trapped his finger in the car seat fastener yesterday. He will insist on grabbing everything and poking at things I am trying to fasten! He is also 12 months. I feel guilty but not for long! He hurts himself so damn often and he doesn't learn from it at all. I wouldn't beat yourself up about it. I'm sure she's forgotten about it, she certainly won't be blaming you so neither should you!

pamelat · 02/09/2008 21:12

Did similar with DD. At about 4 months old I trapped her finger in the car seat. She cried, I cried, we hugged. I felt awful, 2 minutes later she had completely forgotten.

LunaFairy · 02/09/2008 21:12

I done the same as you peppermintpatty. I forgot to close the stairgate when ds was only 14 months old and walking. He fell from the top and my husband heard my scream and managed to catch him at the bottom. I felt awful for weeks. I still do just thinking about it.

PeppermintPatty · 02/09/2008 21:39

My DD is 14 months too. She fell right from the top too

She had a nose bleed for a couple of minutes, and I panicked and nearly rang 999! But we had a cuddle she was fine - up and playing with her toys a few minutes later like it had never happened!

Tryharder · 02/09/2008 22:38

I once left DS1 at that time aged about 9 months briefly unattended sitting on a bed and guess what, he fell off. I also picked up the pram containing DS2 thinking that DP had held of the other end, he didnt so pram tipped upside down (luckily DS2 didnt fall out). Also, DP once left a cup of coffee lying around which DS1 managed to tip on himself....oh my god, I\m surprised my kids have survived.....

LovelyDear · 02/09/2008 22:41

i shut my daughter's finger in the car door and when she screamed i thought she was being angry and ignored her. so it was stuck for the time it took me to put the buggy in the boot and go round to my seat. 3 years ago...still feel awful. but she doesn't remember. and i got her some ice.....

Tommy · 02/09/2008 22:42

DS2 broke a bone in his foot and couldn't walk (he was about 2). I put him to bed with Calpol as I just thought he was tired

(did take him to A&E the next day - honest!!)

It will probably be the first of many such incidents - you have to try to accept that accidents happen...

ChirpyGirl · 02/09/2008 22:45

I once handed DD1 a bit of just cooked aubergine when she was 9 months, only I forgot which plate was which and instead of handing her the lovely cool, blown on piece that had been sitting for 5 minutes, I handed her the red hot bit that had just left the spitting hot pan.
The blister on the back of her hand was the size of a pea in seconds and she bit me while I was holding it under the cold tap.
It burst in her sleep and I can still see a mark.

DD2 only gets cold food!

RambleOn · 02/09/2008 22:48

I made an embarrassing spectacle of myself in supermarket car park when poor DD was 18mo. I'd left her sitting in the trolley alongside the car while I unloaded the shopping.

I closed the hatchback and there was this loud thud. Cue lots of crying, cuddling and head rubbing by both of us

There was blood.
People were looking.

It still gives me nightmares even now.

Portofino · 02/09/2008 22:51

I fell down the stairs with dd at about 6 months I think. I mean all the way from top to bottom. She screamed and when I looked there was blood !!!! It came from my finger where i scraped it on the banister. Noone was hurt (apart fromm my bottom and confidence) This was lways my nightmare.

Tryharder · 02/09/2008 22:56

We should be careful what we write here, someone will be calling social services.

psychomum5 · 02/09/2008 22:59

did you not know that when they help your give birth to the placenta, they fill up the 'hole' with a bucket load of guilt.

and it is a magical refilling hole that never empties.............not even once your child is a parent in their own right (or so MIL says.

nudyjudy · 03/09/2008 20:33

Oh, blimey, I'm currently self-flagelating because I forgot to give DD1 her favourite toy (Makka Pakka) to take with her on her first day at school (left it tucked in the hood of DD2s buggy). Apparently there were proper sobs and everything (and she had looked so happy when I left her too)

Oh the guilt... on her first day as well. What a dreadful mother.... blub blub snivel

TheFallenMadonna · 03/09/2008 20:37

DH trapped dd's hand in the pushchair at Miami airport. She screamed, a nice man came over and took us out of the enormous queue through the First Class check in desk!

He assures me he didn't do it on purpose...

Wade · 03/09/2008 21:44

Thank you! Feeling better for sharing my guilt!

OP posts:

nolongerchunkybutstillapudding · 03/09/2008 22:20

I feel sick even saying this - hadn't strapped ds in to pushchair properly and was trying to get him to nap,got sick of rocking and he seemed quite chilled,went thru to other room as tbh was feeling bit fraught as he wouldn't sleep.sat down,could hear happy noises then crash n scream..ran thru and the wee mite was on the (stone) floor,it was the most awful thing ever ever.he was about 6mo.that was nearly 2 months ago and I can still feel tears just thinking about it.felt like such a shit mum...he was fine tho ...you are not alone xx

balanomorey · 04/09/2008 22:38

Absolutely - you are not alone! Show me a mum that hasn't had a momentary lapse of concentration that has resulted in their lo being pushed into the jaws of danger!!

When my lo was about 7 months and we had just started using the high chair, I was fiddling with all the orange bits of plastic that you squeeze to make various bits of the chair move...then sat her in it for dinner without checking that said bits of orange plastic were in their safe positions when 'Whoomf' - the chair back went from upright to nearly flat in a nano second. . Looking back, the bawling was more shock than anything else, but I was so convinced I'd jarred her back, neck spine and every other little joint you could think of, I promptly rang my osteopath for reassurance that she wouldn't be dogged in later life by some awful crippling joint pains! (a touch of paranoid new mummy syndrome, looking back - she was my 1st!) I know what you mean, the guilt is hell but forgive yourself and forget about it - they are made of sturdier stuff than we think!! x

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