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so my sister is having a hard time with her 8 year old and has come across the discription " QUIRKY CHILDREN"

(18 Posts)
cremolafoam Mon 01-Sep-08 17:35:48

Has anyone heard of this before?
It comes from a recent book described here
My neice is totally different from her siblings and has quite odd ways of going about things.She does not like other children at all.She reads all the time and finds it hard to connect with anyone.She gets extremely frustrated with other people and angry when they are joking or being silly.She is very very bright at school,but unable to join in properly in group activities.There is more too, but in general
what do you think?

brimfull Mon 01-Sep-08 17:39:32

my friend describes her son as quirky

he is quite sulky and negative and attention seeking
quirky is nice way of saying pita imo

DisplacementActivity Mon 01-Sep-08 17:40:52

Message withdrawn

cremolafoam Mon 01-Sep-08 17:41:36

maybe, but it seems to be more than that.
dsis is genuinely concerned by her lack of friendage and obsession with the colour green.more than a phase IMHO

cremolafoam Mon 01-Sep-08 17:42:33

her speach is fine
but she is quite rude to people ina sarcastic- you must be really think- kind of way

DisplacementActivity Mon 01-Sep-08 17:46:10

Message withdrawn

Bluebutterfly Mon 01-Sep-08 17:49:14

Could she have been bullied?

3andnomore Mon 01-Sep-08 17:55:22

hm, cremola.....is there any chance that your niece could have aspergers syndrome....there are varying degrees....and she sounds like she could be mildly....

to be honest....whatever you call it...in the end you have to find what works....not sure why calling it quirky would make any difference, tbh...

cremolafoam Mon 01-Sep-08 18:04:20

it does sound like aspergers a bit.but we both think she is choosing to be this way rather than born like that.IYKWIM. she has decided that everyone is slow and annoying. I think she is frustrated particularly as she has two younger siblngs who get on like a house on fire.Bullying was the first thing we looked into and after careful reserch and collusion with the school - definitile not the case now or ever.At school she puts herself under a lot of pressure buy wanting to be top at everything.
Dsis has tried to get her involved in everything from football to brownies, swiiming to ballet but she is just not interested.She wants to read read read and nothing else.Worried that she cutting herself off.Don't know what to do at all.has anyone any experience of this ?
(I do see there is a low self esteem thing going on)

pointydog Mon 01-Sep-08 18:05:17

They're all quirky, no?

HonoriaGlossop Mon 01-Sep-08 18:43:29

Has your sister had her assessed by an Ed Psych? She could ask the school to refer - if she's really concerned about her socially, etc.

In general though I did want to say that some people are introverted and 'lone wolf-like'. that doesn't necessarily mean she has a condition or will have an awful life. Some people just don't need others. I tihnk the more she is accepted and valued BECAUSE of how she is not in spite of it, the more her self esteem will grow.

The one thing that I'd want to work on would be that manner of hers towards others; it is possible to be very bright indeed but not be disparaging to other more eartly souls and she needs to be shown that IMO!

HonoriaGlossop Mon 01-Sep-08 18:44:23

Has your sister had her assessed by an Ed Psych? She could ask the school to refer - if she's really concerned about her socially, etc.

In general though I did want to say that some people are introverted and 'lone wolf-like'. that doesn't necessarily mean she has a condition or will have an awful life. Some people just don't need others. I tihnk the more she is accepted and valued BECAUSE of how she is not in spite of it, the more her self esteem will grow.

The one thing that I'd want to work on would be that manner of hers towards others; it is possible to be very bright indeed but not be disparaging to other more eartly souls and she needs to be shown that IMO!

cremolafoam Mon 01-Sep-08 19:06:30

I agree HG.

designerbaby Mon 01-Sep-08 20:22:56

Cremolafoam... your post could have described me at a similar age, and younger. I had a dreadful time at primary school, because all I wanted to do was read, and found other children a bit of an anathema - used to spend much time on the sidelines 'observing'. When I wasn't hiding somewhere with a book to get a bit of peace and quiet.

Also used to come out with some shocking things before I learnt to prefer silence at around 9 or 10.

It was in the days before 'labels' were given to behavioural issues and I was variously described as 'odd' through to 'hysterical' and pretty much everything in between.

As I got older I learned to modify my behaviour and fit in better with others, but it really wasn't until I was the back end of senior school that I really 'found' my way. General consensus from those that knew me at the time was that a higher than average IQ can sometimes make things quite difficult for a kid.

I found solace in music, art and books and still do. Orchestral work allowed me to be part of a group which didn't rely on conversation exclusively and where a degree of 'oddness' was more par for the course!

I now mostly pass for normal – well... as normal as anyone... grin Have had a good career, married, functioning etc...

TBH though I'd still often rather read a book than have a conversation... I just don't TELL... grin

halia Mon 01-Sep-08 21:30:07

nowt wrong with just wanting to read, some kids are honeslty like this. It can eb a form of aspergers, it can be an element of maturing faster than other children, it can be having a higher than average IQ.

I loved to read (still do) and I was off the reading chart at school very early on, I did like other kids but only some of the time and I used to get so BORED with their games and sillyness. The thign I remeber hating the most was jolly adults trying to get me invovled in things. It felt liek they were saying I wasn't good enough the way I was, I was bright, didn't play up at school or home, generally polite (if not very chatty/friendly) and I didn't see why I had to go to brownies or netball just cos my mum thought it would be better for me than reading.

work on politness but dont' force her to be like the other kids if she prefers doing her own thing.

Snippety Mon 01-Sep-08 22:03:45

designerbaby your post could have been written by me !! I too was a prolific reader and couldn't understand the likes and concerns of my peers. Still can't grin. I can remember my mum sending me "out to play" and just sitting folornly on the back step until she let me back in. Brownies, dance class, youthclub - all disastrous. Found other kids really dull, I still find smalltalk very, very boring and have been considered odd and a bit rude my whole life.

I agree with Halia that as long as she is happy in herself she should just be left to get on with it. My confidence was undermined by my parents' expectations and constant criticism. I now accept myself as I am and if I'd rather read Herodotus than watch Eastenders it's just tough luck ! wink

Portofino Mon 01-Sep-08 22:37:35

My nephew has been diagnosed with Aspergers and this describes him pretty well. He is very bright and at 11 I often mistake him for his mum on the phone - he is so good at "grown up" conversation. He is much more interested in looking up topics on Wikipedia than playing.

I've often wondered about the diagnosis though as both my dad, and me are similar in some ways - prefer solitary activities to small talk and find it difficult to make new friends. Something in the genes...? I know that I am not very empathic and get in a bit of a panic when people are ill/having relationship difficulties. I really WANT to help but feel that I always put my foot in it.

I think that 20 years ago nephew would have just been seen as " not much of a mixer" rather than having a "syndrome". I know they are much better at picking these things up now - not sure if this is a benefit....whole other thread i guess?

I used to work in the pharmaceutical industry and knew a few people who were very similar. Experts in their field, uncomfortable with social situations and small talk, but all very successful and fulfilled people who live happy lives.

cremolafoam Mon 01-Sep-08 22:55:52

thankyou all with encouraging messages.My lovely sister is so patient with her and would say something like: "I know most people aren't as clever as you , they just know different things"- or along those lines to hep her think of a way that she might learn a bit of patience.
I think when I posted i was actually more concerned about what my sister could do to help her daughter. We generally don't mind her being this way( except the rudeness and impatience) but my sister really wants to approach it in an encouraging and positive way- so that she doesn't end up on her own ALL the time and can get stuck in at school a bit more.All kids are quirky in thier own way- but it's the dealing with it to make it better for her LO.
Anyhoo I think O married a quirky grownup actually as I can see similrities in my DH and my neice. Both ridiculously intelligent, butnot comfortable in company.
It is good to hear some positive stories
so thanks again.

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