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So now i have fallen out with my dad about ds, that means that EVERYONE bar 2 people dislike my son.

(19 Posts)
deanychip Sat 30-Aug-08 19:41:38

sigh

ImnotMamaGbutsheLovesMe Sat 30-Aug-08 19:42:57

sad

3andnomore Sat 30-Aug-08 19:53:54

sorry, don't quite understand what you mean by, that everyone dislikes your son...why???????????
sorry to be dim!

But sounds very sad that only 2 people like your son.

deanychip Sat 30-Aug-08 19:57:32

They all think that there is somethign wrong with him behaviour wise and that he is an awful individual sad
he is 5

lulumama Sat 30-Aug-08 19:58:21

i thought you had made a behaviour break trough with DS?

do you think that maybe there is a serious underlying behaviour issue that needs addressing medically?

luckylady74 Sat 30-Aug-08 19:59:58

How awful - what's the background?

3andnomore Sat 30-Aug-08 20:05:28

awww...that sounds stressful for all of you!

Do you think there is something wrong with him?
Is he just very active and boystrous or could there be more to it?

It is so difficult at times, isn't it...my middle-son is hard work and when he was a Toddler I had people telling me that he has beavioural problems....and well he hasn't , he just was boystrous lifely and went through a bit of a hitting/biting stage at one time...

How old is your son?

deanychip Sat 30-Aug-08 20:34:19

lulu, my dad came round with his 4 year old son (!) and my ds told him that he was going to his nanas and that my dads boy could not come with him...my dad got annoyed and said that my boy is always nasty to x, why does he have to make himself the most unpopular kid that there is? then procedded to shout at my boy, telling him to stopbieng so nasty all the time.

SOOO, i didnt say anything at the time but i have text my dad to say, that we are having 1 or 2 probs with ds, and as he is evidently so upset by ds, it might be an idea for him to not bring his son round until we have got on top of the problems.
My dad has taken the hump and wont speak to me.

Actually, ds has turned the corner majorly and we have had THE most lovely day today.

its just that i get fed up with them not bieng understanding and so critical.

lulumama Sat 30-Aug-08 20:35:48

your dad clearly does not understand normal 4 year old behaviour. your son did nothing wrong. children do that.. 'i'm going to XYZ, and you can;t come' ner ner ner neeeeer ner

it's not nasty

it's normal

deanychip Sat 30-Aug-08 20:39:33

THANKYOU!
He has no idea for the majority of the time.
UNFORTUNATELY his boy is quiet, refined, TOTAL opposite to my livewire, so he obviously compares the two.

deanychip Sat 30-Aug-08 20:41:27

We have now made the descision to keep ds away from all family and most friends kids.

Its jsut too stressful, not fair on him, me or them.
its the best thing to do.

lulumama Sat 30-Aug-08 20:50:50

if they are not understanding and make you all upset, then some distance might be a good thing

ReallyTired Sat 30-Aug-08 20:51:18

Have you seen a paediatrian? Often there is a reason for difficult behaviour.

My son was a real nightmare at two years old. My inlaws were dreadful constantly comparing him to his cousins. My son had no speech and had problems walking. It made for one really frustrated boy.

What we didn't realise was that he was deaf which made it hard to follow instructions. Once the deafness was sorted the behaviour problems resolved themselves. Prehaps your son has glue ear. Glue ear can ruin a child's life, yet is easily curable.

Even so my son is still demonised. They get angry with with him being a bit loud or being boistous. At least his school report says his behaviour is now fanastic.

One of my son's cousins threw stones at a poor little girl in a wheelchair. Even so my in laws and SIL felt that the problem was the school having to take "handicapped kids" (their words not mine) rather than a failure in SIL's parenting skills.

deanychip Sat 30-Aug-08 21:00:27

no, hearing fine, developmentally always fine.

He is just wired differently to his cousins thats all.

They are very mild, calm kids who have never been any trouble. Into computery type things.
ds is very very active, inquisitive, practical and not one for sitting watching DVDs, tv or board games.

We channel this well by making sure he is always active and stimulated.
The problem comes when he seems to be just ott with behaviour. it takes that bit longer to get him out of phases and he seems to be jsut that little bit more extreme in these than other kids.

Tryharder Sat 30-Aug-08 23:40:11

Hi Deanychip. I think you should make it very clear to your family that you will no longer tolerate any criticism of your son and that you will deal with any bad behaviour without interference/comment from them. I hate, hate, hate it when I see a child being labelled in such a way - they have no option other than to live up to their label, then do they??

But do you think your son's behaviour really justifies isolating him from other children? Are you sure that you are not overreacting to other's comments? We all want our child to behave in public and be seen as nice. I actually love it when other people's children behave badly because I think 'thank God, it's not just my child'. I would honestly think that you are noticing your own child's perceived bad behaviour more acutely than others who are probably all concentrating on their own little darlings.

Do you send your son to nursery? Nursery was the making of my son - he has learned to share, plays nicely with other children - he has loads of friends. And this is a child that was always being labelled as naughty.

But please get yourself out of the mindset that everyone dislikes your son and that somehow he is inherently dislikable and therefore not allowed to mix with others. Good luck.

HonoriaGlossop Sun 31-Aug-08 00:05:39

Deany, your DS sounds delightful and bright and I bet he will bring you lots of happiness and make you proud.

I know it's very easy to sit here on the internet and pronounce on things, but just from the bits I've read on here about this lately it really does sound as if your family are toxic. They are the ones who are not 'normal' - their victimisation of your ds is truly weird - and cruel.

As I say it's easy for me to say, but I think you would be protecting your ds from damage if you break all contact with them TBH.

mel1981 Sun 31-Aug-08 00:05:41

HI, i had the opposite with my son. My m&fil didnt like ME not him cause he was quiet Was slow at starting to speak would rather play by himself etc...they blame the way I brought him up(-DH was never mentioned in this even though we bring our kids up together?!) I was a bad mum for not taking him to mother& baby groups and supposingly I was never going to send him to playschool which was rubbish! Anyway we fell out and didnt speak for 3 years. weve now got back in contact and recently had a comment from them on how polite, friendly, chatty, etc he is. I was gobsmacked (and smug too) He is very popular at playschool cant wait to start school has lots of mates. I guess he just needed time to 'grow' find his place or however you want to describe it. People are too quick to judge or compare kids. They just have to except him for who he is...

callmeovercautious Sun 31-Aug-08 00:21:54

Your DS sounds like a normal lively 5 year old to me. Is he spiteful for the sake of it? I mean the "you can't do what I am doing" is normal so does he hit or secretly pinch other children and do other deliberately spiteful things? or is it just general naughtyness?

My sisters 5 year old can be a nightmare as he is so lively but he is just that - lively. In comparrison to his brother and cousins anyway. We call him the hard nut. He is just so physical and into everything. But with my DD who is nearly 2 he is the gentlest and most caring child, always has been since he met her at 5 days old. He gives her his favourite toys and kisses her (no one else gets kisses!). Just personality we think.

3andnomore Sun 31-Aug-08 18:26:02

Hm, your ds sounds like many normal boys that age....some will be calmer/quieter...other will be noisy and boistrous....what a shame your family is not understanding....

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