DD dont know what to do with her.(5 Posts)
my dd was the perfect child until she turned 2 then aver night she was transformed into a horror, when she turned 3 she had 3 lovely days where she was the perfect little girl she was prior to being two!Now tho she has turned back into a monster! she shouts says no and tuff to everything she wont walk properly she runs away from me hits me and headbutts EVERYTHING,Her behaviour is only with me she is good with other memebers of the family and with friends. I have tried everything to try and get her out of it, like rewarding the good ehaviour and ignoring the bad but it hasnt made the slightest difference. I am taking her away for the weekend very soon just the two of us in hope that she will benefit from one to one attention, but deep down im dreading it. I have a 1 year old dd too and im so scare he will go the same way. I would be really gratefull for any advice any one has.
Have you kept a diary of when she is at her most disruptive? Is there any chance it could be food related? I remember if we ever gave DD2 orange squash (even organic) it was like lighting a blue touchpaper and standing well back for the onslaught. Having said that I have just read your message again and she seems to be OK with everyone else.
Tricky one and exhausting for you. I would say that your one year old has a lot to do with it just be being around. Is DD1 ok with DD2? Is she very jealous? Poor you, I do feel for you.
does she go to pre school? It did wonders for ds's behaviour.... getting used to disicpline and observing other children being disiplined for inappropriate behaviour.
The other thing that made the difference was being really solid on following a punishment through.... ie you have just hit me so that is it no telly for the rest of the day....ds would scream for quite literaly an hour to start with but he got the message soon enough.
Hope things get sorted! Ask your health visitor if they run any courses on child behaviour management or similar,we did one and it was really helpful,especially talking to other mums (and a couple of dads) who were all going through similar problems.
Sounds like hard work bensmumma. I think the weekend away is a really good idea.
Other than that, I think at this stage you need to:
number 1 and above all, keep calm. You getting cross will not achieve anything at all, usually it just escalates the issue. You can give her a consequence for being naughty without being cross - being stern is enough IMO.
Always look at and think about the WAY you are talking to her - if she's always saying no, ask in a different way so it's much harder to say no. If it's something you really need done as in getting dressed, shoes on, don't ask in a 'straight' way as you would a much older child...make it part of her play or make it a race or challenge etc.
If she won't walk properly, then put her on reins. If she knows she either walks with you or has the reins on, she may choose to walk properly. And don't give in to histrionics/throwing self down on pavement if you can help it. Distract her, or I'm not above a bit of bribery - "Oh it's a shame you can't walk with your reins as I was going to get you an ice cream if you walked with me to the shop"...
Headbutting I think needs an immediate consequence; for me with DS anything physical like that wuold have meant a minute or two time out in his room - I think it gives the strong message that you don't want their company when they do this.
And don't fall into the trap of thinking that if they're not crying and repentent at this or another consequence, that it's not working. It is, IME - it's human nature to try to fight back by not seeming bothered. But I think you need to remain consistent and not be panicked into trying lots of different punishments.
Sorry to go on - I think my main point is keep calm!
It is important to remember that she is good with other people, and that the behaviour she is showing towards you is not the norm. I think that she is exploring how far your 'boundaries' go, but if you stay calm (focus on that glass of wine or bar of chocolate at the end of the day) and are consistent in your approach then she will soon realise that you are firm but fair.
My dd waited until she was 8 before shouting back at me, but because she was fine with everyone else I knew it was just her way of seeing how far she could push me.
Try not to worry (eaasier said than done of course) but from my experience, every parent goes through this at some point.
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