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Why oh why did I start with this **%%$!! dummy - just gone back in for 100th time

(68 Posts)
sunshine17 Fri 29-Aug-08 13:41:52

DD1 wouldn't take a dummy - and looking back now I'm glad because my friends with babies her age are still trying to wean them off.

In a moment of madness I started with DD2 who is now 8 weeks old.

I've just gone back into her room for what must be the 10th time to 'plug' it back in to try and get her to have her lunchtime nap. She screams and wakes herself up if it's not in.

I so so regret starting as I can see it becoming a big (bigger!) problem. In fact the few times she's been in such a deep sleep that she doesn't want it she has slept so well.

What can I do - please help. The other problem is I can't let her cry for too long as it wakes DD1 (19 months).

mamaolivia Fri 29-Aug-08 15:30:34

ooh take it away now! She's still tiny and will soon get used to not having it.
I really regret introducing one to my dd just before she turned one and now at 2.4 still have to pop it back into her month several times in the night when it falls out!I don't want to go cold turkey with her now as she is too old so am waiting for her to give it up herself - you do not want this for 2 or more years - take it away!!!

sunshine17 Fri 29-Aug-08 15:39:58

Why doesn't anyone warn you about dummies?????? I only need to get up for one middle of the night feed but have to wake up loads to put dummy back in - surely she can't be getting a restful sleep either.

Does anyone know the best way to stop once you've started?? She literally wakes up crying the second it falls out - really hard as I need to do everything to limit the crying before it wakes DD2 up.

angel1976 Fri 29-Aug-08 20:49:55

Hi sunshine17, I feel for you... DS wouldn't take a dummy initially either but I got him to take one eventually as we were doing a long haul flight and thought the sucking would help. Somehow, he goes to bed really easily at night WITHOUT it. I literally hold him, give him lots of kisses and cuddles, put him down in his cot with his blankie and he goes straight to sleep. The naps are completely different altogether! He cries/screams for his dummy. I usually let him have it for 5-10 minutes, then I remove it as I don't want him to get used to it in his mouth (my additional problem is that he can't actually keep it in himself usually... so I have to stand there and hold it till he falls into a deep sleep and it falls out or I pull it out!). Today he wasn't having it removed from his mouth! He cried each time I did it. Argh! It's difficult for you as you have another DD... What I have found helps is that if I pat him while I pull the dummy out. He is quite soothed by the patting motion and will go back to sleep. I guess you need to do something similar, something to distract her from the fact that the dummy is no longer in her mouth? I will watch this thread eagerly as well!

HairyToe Fri 29-Aug-08 20:58:38

OK DD2 has a dummy for sleeping. We introduced it when she was tiny as a way for Dh to pacify her when me and my breasts weren't available.

Around 15 months I was really fed up with it. She wanted it all the time screaming and tantrumming loads - I hated her having it I thought it looked awful - I really regretted giving it to her. Bit the bullet and removed it putting it on top of her wardrobe so she only had it for naps and sleeptime. Surprisingly it wasn't too hard and she got used to it quite quickly.

As far as the nightime waking goes I put the dummy on a strap attached to her pyjama top and by around 7 months or so she could find it herself.

She's two now and still has it for naps and bedtime. On a positive note it means wherever we are I can put her to bed by lying her down with her dummy and she knows its sleeptime. The downside is of course I'll need to take it away from her at some time. But then DD1 never took to a dummy and sucked her thumb instead. She's nearly 5 and the dentist moans every time I take her but I have no idea how to break her habit. At least you can take a dummy away.

Podster Fri 29-Aug-08 21:51:52

DD is nearly 20 wks and we are at the end of Day 1 of dummy cold turkey ! It was fine when she was a newborn as I was waking up anyway to feed, but over the past few weeks it has turned into a real problem with night time sleep - we can spend an hour some nights going in and out to put it back in. Nap times today were awful, she screamed for 25 mins at the first one and wouldn't do a 2nd. She went down easily though tonight(probably from exhaustion more than anything else) and hasn't woken up once yet so we will see. I read about gradual withdrawal (though have opted for cold turkey as it's quicker and I think less confusing for dd) where you take it away at 1 nap say for 3 days, add another one for 3 days etc. and build up to removing it a nighttime - maybe more suitable if you can't disturb other dc.

alex12 Sun 31-Aug-08 09:36:10

My ds is 9 weeks...we introduced a dummy depressingly early and evry night when trying to get him off to sleep we have the same problem, keep popping it in every time it falls out until he goes off to a deep sleep. Total sympathy, I haven't figured out another way round it since he seems incapable of sleeping without it....will be watching this thread with interest!! Hairytoe mentioned a strap??? Where did you get it and how old is it safe to use from?

HairyToe Mon 01-Sep-08 20:48:07

Sorry just got back to this. Strap came with a MAM dummy as a set from Boots I think. They're pretty common and not long enough to cause a problem- they fix firmly onto their clothing. I used it from 6 moths or so I think.

doggiesayswoof Mon 01-Sep-08 20:56:40

I feel your pain. I have 14 week old ds and I only really introduced the dummy because I didn't want dd to be wakened when he was settling or was up during the night. Dh and I spend ages plugging it back in and I'm not sure what to do...

Dd is my 1st dc and she wouldn't take a dummy either so I've no experience of this until now

It's getting worse now as he is teething and the dummy is sometimes the only thing that will soothe him - he sort of chomps on it then falls asleep needing it to stay in his mouth.

No helpful suggestions I'm afraid but I'll watch this with interest!

angel1976 Mon 01-Sep-08 21:00:59

Hi doggiesayswoof,

I know exactly what you mean... My DS is 6 months and teething badly these last few days and seem to really enjoy chomping on his soother and cries really hard for it sometimes. I KNOW he can fall asleep without it (he does that every night WITHOUT fail) so I am persevering with removing it after 5-10 minutes after he has fallen asleep as part of weaning him off it for his naps. He seems to be getting used to it being yanked out of his mouth now... LOL... And stays sleeping even after I've removed it. Maybe you can try that? GL!

Ax

doggiesayswoof Mon 01-Sep-08 21:03:56

Thanks angel1976. pulling it out after he's asleep sometimes works, other times he wakes up even if he's really deeply asleep.

I'd like to wean him off it but also I don't want to take away something he enjoys so much IYSWIM

smellyeli Mon 01-Sep-08 21:19:32

DD is 5 months now and we are on Day 2 of Cold Turkey. Just got fed up of going in at night to put it back in only for it to be spat out 3 monutes later and the crying to start again. It's been a great thing for the first 4 months - allowed us to get into a good BF routine, trip to America, settling her at night to avoid waking DS (and DH who does a long commute), but I can just tell that it's going to cause problems if she has it for muh longer. She's had a growth spurt at 4 months, no signs of any teeth yet. Still exclusively breast fed despite mother and MIL muttering constantly about baby rice/half a banana. She weighs 18 pounds, FFS, and is the most cheerful girl.

Built up to it with a couple of weeks of using a music box at nap time and bed time to create another sleep association (still with dummy in) plus a cuddly toy for her to hold on to/chew that I had worn stuffed down my top for a few days so that it ponged of Mummy (even went to Tesco on Saturday and forgot it was down there until I fed her in the coffee shop and had to extract it before I could get my norks out) plus removing dummy just after she'd dropped off at bedtime plus trying not to use it during the day and doing lots of cuddles, carrying as needed.

Yesterday lunchtime - 35 minutes of crying and fussing before sleeping for 2 hours. Bedtime - 30 minutes. 11pm and 4 am feeds - nothing, no crying, no dummy. 5.30am habit waking - 30 minutes of fussing but no feed (normally ends up feeding in our bed at 6.15 after all else has failed). Today - lunchtime nap 20 minutes of crying, but more shouty than wailing, then 2.5 hours of sleep. Bedtime - 7 minutes of chuntering, no real crying. She's been in a great mood all day and has fed really well. So I am optimistic that we can crack it. DS slept all the way through her night time wailing.

I think dummies are really great for 0-4 month old sucky sucky babies, help you get into a good BF pattern and avoid that business of snacking every hour or two, but I think that at some point - different for everyone - you reach the stage of realising that if you don't act now you're going to be popping it back in at night long after they drop the night feed! Some babes do it by themselves - DS did at 3 months - but some need help I think. Also, because DH and I are doing it together I feel much less isolated than previously when it was just me and her doing battle in the spare room......

Good luck to everyone - I will keep you posted!

sunshine17 Tue 02-Sep-08 19:12:13

Thanks for some really helpful posts. Smellyeli - if you could keep us posted that would be great, tempted to follow your lead although not sure how much crying I can allow her before waking DD1 during the night. Already got her a stuffed toy - as this is what DD1 had as her sleep association and she still has him (although she's got into the habit of chucking him out of her cot to get one of us to come back in - whole other story!).

GreenMonkies Tue 02-Sep-08 22:09:54

Why is she sleeping in a room alone at 8 weeks? At this age (and until she is 6 months old) she should still be sleeping where ever you are, so in the livingroom until you go to bed, then in your room for the night. Seperate sleeping increases the risk of SIDS.

As far as how do you get rid of the dummy now goes, well, I'd rock her to sleep with the dummy in, then, once she is asleep ease the dummy out, they way you would your nipple when they fall asleep on the boob. She shouldn't need the dummy in constantly to be able to sleep, if she wakes and she's not hungry (and at 8 weeks she is likely to still be hungry every 3 hours, even at night) then soothe her off to sleep with the dummy and ease it out once she's asleep.

starkadder Wed 03-Sep-08 11:10:44

Not wanting to start anything here, but with respect, I think if Sunshine17 has her in a separate room, that's fine, and anyway is a separate issue to the one she asked about, i.e. the dummy.

Our 5 month old baby has a dummy too, we've been lucky (so far!) in that we can whip it out of his mouth just before or just after he drops into deep sleep and he doesn't seem to mind. We always did this as I was paranoid about him getting addicted. I think we were just lucky though. It was a lifesaver in the first couple of months as he was wanting to bf the entire time just for comfort and it was making life pretty exhausting for everyone.

A friend solved the problem with her daughter by buying loads and loads of dummies and scattering them all over the cot so she could get one herself and stuff it back in - but this wouldn't work till about 6 months. She did say it worked really well though, so there is hope on the horizon!

pudding25 Wed 03-Sep-08 11:24:32

We are on day 4 of ditching the dummy. DD is 16 wks and it worked wonders to help her get in a good sleeping and feeding routine without having to leave her to cry when she was tiny but it has now been disturbing her sleep. Ditching it is not fun but I am hoping it will help her sleep.

This is what we are doing. Put her in cot without dummy. Stay with her for 20 mins (while she howls), leave for 5 mins, go in for 10 mins, leave for 10 mins etc etc until she falls asleep.
Day 1 and day 2 were not too bad, yesterday was horrendous and this morning, she only cried for 4 mins. However, just put her down for nap now and she is howling with husband with her.
The nights have been much better once she is asleep. She has only woken once for her feed around 3am as opposed to every 2 hrs looking for her dummy.

MrsDougRoss Wed 03-Sep-08 11:31:36

Hi sunshine my DS had a dummy till he was 4mths then just weaned it off him took a week. DD had it for 2mths (she had bad thrush and it would not clear up) took about a day, glad i did because she would have been a nightmare and would probably never have been able to take it away (think maggie simpson). If you hate it do it now. It will only get harder the older she gets.

Helium Wed 03-Sep-08 12:11:57

You could try putting it on a dummy holder string thing - then your baby will learn to reach for it herself...? It will never be far away. Interim solution maybe..?

goldndiamonds Wed 03-Sep-08 12:26:25

Take it away now. Like MrsDougRoss says "If you hate it do it now. It will only get harder the older she gets." My DS had the dummy until he was 5 years old! I hated the crying, so the dummy worked a treat. Then there are the milestones like: 'when he's three and going to nursery, I must take it away' - doesn't happen, they get more wedded to it and more and more stubborn about keeping it! Finally, what did it was a steady drip feed of comments from myself to him about his one day soon having to stop the dummy because it wasn't good for his teeth and wasn't what a big boy starting school should have. So, I got rid of all the other dummys except one and told him that when that one was old and worn out, he wouldn't be getting another one: it eventually got a bit flat and a little hole appeared, then I told him it wasn't safe to have it anymore, gently asked him if he wanted to throw it away or if he wanted mummy to do it - he asked me to do it, shed a tear or two - no howling crys or anything - and that, finally, was that... ! But what a long road it was.

Chequers Wed 03-Sep-08 12:30:05

I'm going to show this thread to all the people who have badgered me to give dd a dummy.

sunshine17 Wed 03-Sep-08 14:37:20

btw - she doesn't sleep in a seperate room greenmonkies - she sleeps right next to me!

DD1 slept in a seperate room from practically day one however - you have go do whats right for your situation at the time.

ljhooray Wed 03-Sep-08 14:58:56

very annoyed by greenmonkies contribution, go find another thread to preach on.

Anyway, back to the issue at hand, just to give an alternative view, my dd is 18mths and still has her dummy but only in her cot, absolutely no where else. We did this from 12mths and it's worked a treat. Yes its a compete pain having to back and forth into the room and there were times I thought of cold turkey (tried twice and screaming all through the night was just too much to bear).

A dummy for us has meant a dd who is very good at settling on her own in the cot, will amuse herself in the mornings and has been very little trouble during teething. SHe puts the dummy back in the cot if she finds one anywhere! She is starting to understand the concept of all gone and I personally feel that when the time comes, dummies will be all gone and yes they'll be protests but from other mums I know, this is much more complaining for a couple of nights, rather than screaming.

I think you kinda know if your child is a dummy needer or not. My bf child was very unsettled first 12 weeks and she got trough without a dummy and she now settles really well. She said she knew itwasn't necessary, for my dd I felt it was.

JenAT Wed 03-Sep-08 15:56:38

My dd is almost 12 months. My husband went out and bought a dummy in desperation when she was about 4wks old. She seemed to want constant feeding all afternoon and evening,then we realised she wanted to suck for comfort. The dummy was a lifesaver for us. I was worried about it affecting breastfeeding but it didn't interfere. She now only has a dummy for daytime naps and v occasionally if she wakes in the early hours. I had thought we would never use a dummy and I suppose I had a bit of a snobbish attitude! I think some babies seem to take to a dummy and some don't. Can't really give much advice to Sunshine17 as we did't have the problem with having to keep putting it back in.
have to admit to my husband naming it "the bung" when dd was small...

FlightAttendent Wed 03-Sep-08 16:02:55

Ds1 never had a dummy and he still woek sveral times a night...not sure why taking dummy away would stop this?

I wish ds2 would hav one. It would save my nipples smile

MatNanPlus Wed 03-Sep-08 16:06:03

I would take it away if she is spitting it out so frequently then it isn't what she needs/wants, a sucky baby does just that sucks it in some cases try's inhaling it

I really would remove it and so lessen your stress and make for peaceful nights.

Do you have a mobile or white noise maker? they can be a soothing source or change the brand/type of dummy you use, so if using Avent try Nuk.

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