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my 9 month old won't let me or his Dad leave him with anyone else.

(9 Posts)
Daise Tue 26-Aug-08 20:56:14

I don't know what to do and wonder if anyone has any advice. We have been trying to get our 9 month old boy to stay with a friend for an hour or so at a time as we are getting married next month and are planning a night on our own in a hotel... enough info!

It's proving impossible as he has had either one of us with him all of the time, as his extended family aren't that interested in being involved with him, unless he is seen but not heard. (not something that babies are unless they are asleep we all know!), so we have given up on that one.

A kind family friend has offered to help us out and has been hanging out with us regularly at our house, and we have been spending lots of time round at her house. Charley is fine with her when we are around. Problem is when Charley is left on his own with her he screams and screams and screams without coming up for air for as long as he is away from us. Bless her, she has been persistent and is more than happy to continue trying, but I feel bad for putting her through this.

We do the whole waving goodbye and being happy not just sneaking off when he's not looking.

I am at work full time, and his Dad is full time Dad so he always has one of us around.

Does anyone have any experience of this? Is this normal? Is there anything else we can try? Are we dreaming of a night on our own?

Claire x

meandmyjoe Tue 26-Aug-08 21:16:49

Yes sadly it's normal. Separation anxiety is something that most, if not all babies go through and unfortunately it is at it's worse between 9-12 months! Bad timing for youwith the wedding so I sypathise!

My ds would have been the same at that age, probably still would be now at 12 months but we haven't tried leaving him!

He used to cry inconsolably when we left the room for a second, now he sees us leave and continues to play for a minute or so but then walks around looking for us but not crying so he seems to be getting slightly better.

I'd just keep trying and make sure he's as comfortable as possible with your friend so he doesn't think of her as a stranger. Go round everyday if you have to! I did this for a few weeks with my sister so I could go for a bath in peace while she sat with him in the living room!

Also maybe try getting him attached to a blanket or an old t shirt that smells of you so you can keep giving him it when you leave and he is comforted by it. You'll need to give him it during feeds, bedtime and cuddles so he associates it with you comforting him.

Don't know what else to suggest, sorry!

Good luck for the wedding, hope you have a perfect day!

juuule Tue 26-Aug-08 22:28:01

That's about right. Sounds normal.
Not much help, I know, but it will pass and he'll grow out of it.

Daise Thu 28-Aug-08 21:32:53

thank you for your advice, we will keep persisting and hope for the best!

who knows it might have passed in a month!!!!!!!!

or maybe not, here's hoping anyways


mrspnut Thu 28-Aug-08 21:35:18

Have you tried him leaving you rather than you leaving him?

My kids have both been quite happy to leave me but if I left they cried. it got to the stage where in order for me to go anywhere the carer had to take them out so I could escape.

Smee Fri 29-Aug-08 12:24:05

DS was the same too. Keep going with what you're doing, but get it working in your house first. Gradually withdraw, but be about and pop back in from time to time so he's confident you're not leaving him. Build that up gradually until he's so relaxed with her that he forgets he wants you or his dad. Maybe too find some fantastic special toy that she alone has, so he looks forward to seeing her. Then maybe get her to take him to the park. Go slowly is all I'm saying. I had to with my son - if your lo is anything like mine, he has to do it when he's ready and isn't rushed. Sounds like he's realised what you're up to and is in a cycle of worry about it all. Step back a bit to go forward! Good luck with the wedding though. Hope you get your night away!

sagitta Fri 29-Aug-08 12:39:21

"We do the whole waving goodbye and being happy not just sneaking off when he's not looking."

We used to do that, but realised that the sneaking off thing worked much, much better. DD would cry for 5 mins once she realised, and then be absolutely fine.

Smee Fri 29-Aug-08 14:04:55

I think they're all different. Mine was far worse if we didn't say goodbye...

AbbeyA Fri 29-Aug-08 14:18:08

He is just at a very difficult age. As your DH is the one with him in the day I think that it would help if he socialised with groups. Get him out to toddler groups, houses with people with a lot of children-somewhere that he is in the background but DS is having fun watching others. As he is your first baby and extended family aren't much help he is totally reliant on one of you being there all the time.

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