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what is normal for a one year old?

(9 Posts)
bumbly Sun 24-Aug-08 08:15:37

can a one year old be spoilt already?

my lo all he does is scream and never wants to be hugged and has massive tantrums

but if i leave the room it is like world is ending

i give him cuddles but he wont have any

has lots of toys which i rotate on a daily basis but he never plays with them by himself - needs me there though he never looks at me or ackowledges me when i am there

and when in high chair demands all the food he can see except what is in front of him - what he wants is exactly the same as what he sees out and what i am having btw

we take him out yest to see farm and he cries at sight of little cow but then cries if we don't go near it..that was end of trip after 10 mins

starting to pull hair in eves

just seems a very unhappy frustrated little boy no matter what i am doing

i am now resenting my none exisatent life of just caring for a whinging baby

i used to go out every nights to do spot which i can't do now - as it outdoors based not gynm with creche

i expected a life change yes before mumnet police get at me...but not this much unhappiness

he is never happy

not to mention whenever try to bath him, cut his nails, everything - he cries hysterically and points at me like am devil

but maybe this is normal

today he cried for breakfast so i disciplined him by taking him off chair and see us eat - he went mental but ewventually got the point and sat back in chair quiet as a mouse

HeadFairy Sun 24-Aug-08 08:22:18

I'm not sure you should punish a one year old for crying for his breakfast.

Sorry you're having problems with him, but (and I'm by no means experienced in these things) I think the best thing for whingey whiney children is to ignore him when he's like this. Perhaps telling him you won't play with him when he's whingeing, but you must reinforce that if he's nice you will play with him and give him cuddles.

What's wrong with him eating what you're eating BTW? My ds is the same, he always wants what i'm eating, even if he's eaten tons already. I think its natural curiosity and I always let him try my food. It's better for him to experience lots of things, I'm sure that way he'll be less fussy with food later on.

I'm sorry I can't help more, I'm sure there are more experienced folk on here though

elmoandella Sun 24-Aug-08 08:35:19

he could be overtired.

how much does he sleep.

some kids are like this. cant play by themselves. you just gotta get on with it. it wont get better unless you give them a sibling.

as for the food thing. dont give him anything he asks for.
just what your having. he's 1 y o. no need to do anything different to yours. put all foodstuff in cupboards out of sight, so he cant point and ask for them.

DontCallMeBaby Sun 24-Aug-08 08:43:34

Is he mobile yet? DD was late to get going (crawled at 14 months and walked at 16 months) and was a bit of a pain until she could move herself about.

JuneBugJen Sun 24-Aug-08 08:43:41

Had a whingy dd who did nothing but whine from 9mths to 13 months when she could finally walk. It drove me around the twist, despite adoring her (ie probably spoiling her in a PFB kind of way)
. As soon as she could walk and have independance she became so much easier. It was like she had her terrible 2's early.

Now have ds same age who is nothing like her, very sunny and chilled (but perhaps I am too as its my second!) who makes me realise how very hard work she really was.

All i can say is that I sympathise, it will pass. Perhaps he will be like my dd and he is just not a spectacular 'baby' but will suit being a toddler more. Keep going, you will be ok in the end. smile

LIZS Sun 24-Aug-08 08:52:11

Try focussing on the positive - lots of one year olds don't sit to eat at all and are fussy eaters(which if you think back to his early feeding issues is something of an achievement) - so disciplining him for that is rather confusing for him and seems harsh. Can you find a babysitter or ask your dh to be home early enough for you to get out once or twice a week or at weekends. You may have to alter the type of sport you woudl like to do short tmer otherwise,but then maybe you''ll build up a few contacts of mums in similar psotiions for yo to share the odd hour of childcare while you run or whatever. Sometimes you have to ride out the protests (assuming all is fundamentally well) in the interests of you getting a break and feeling better able to face the day.

meandmyjoe Sun 24-Aug-08 10:39:44

Bumbly, I really think lots of one year olds need their parents with them while they are playing. My ds is the same age as yours and of course he screams like the world is coming to an end if I leave the room, but doesn't actually want to play 'with' me when I'm there. I think the reason is that they need you there at their side for security and comfort should they need it but actually genuinely don't know how to play 'with' people. Everything is just there for them to explore, which if he's doing, he won't acknowledge you because he's probably engrossed in the object he's playing with and can't do more than one thing at once.

I can't see that disciplining him for crying for food will do any good but that is just my opinion. My ds just has whatever we are eating and still wants to pinch stuff off our plates which I just let him. I know it's probably a bad habbit but I'd rather him eat like he does than not eat anything or make him hate meal times.

My ds is regularly a complete whinging turd and screeches when he doesn't get his own way or if he sees something he wants but can't reach it. I have come to accept that some kids are just more easy going than others and my ds is just very strong willed. I love him for it and I'm sure when they are talking it will be far less frustrating.

How is he in the pushchair? maybe getting him out for a change of scenery a couple of times a day will diffuse the situation.

I do sympathise bumbly, there seems to be no let up for you. It must be hard. Thankfully I've never had a social lfe so I have found it easier to adjust but I really think you need to make time for yourself.

Hi again bumbly, and sorry you're having a crap time.

I think babies get really frustrated when they get older and can see adults doing things yet cannot do much for themselves. DS quite frequently wants me to do/get things for him but then pushes me/toys away in frustration.

If he cries for your food, I would be inclined to let him have some. I think it's healthy to sit together as a family and share a meal. He's still only 1 - you can't reason with or punish him and be sure he understands, so I think it's best to avoid confrontation. Plus, to a large degree you can still distract them when they want something that they're not allowed.

The whingeyness is exhausting and demotivating but it will pass, I am sure. The picture-book idea of a baby sitting playing quietly with toys and gurgling to themselves is a very rare thing, IMO, and much more often at this age babies seem to be seeking reassurance from adults.

As others have said, as he gets moving you might well find he's happier because he has ways of expending energy and investigating his surroundings. As a mum to a baby who is rarely content to play with what he's given, I try really hard to be laid-back and allow him to explore whatever he wants to as long as it's safe, because that way I get a quiet life!

I think perhaps leaving him with your DH or a friend once a week so you can get out to the gym/see a friend/just enjoy a coffee and a magazine in peace somewhere would maybe make you feel a bit less trapped.

HonoriaGlossop Sun 24-Aug-08 11:27:03

yes what is his sleep like? Is it possible some of the grumpiness comes from being tired?

Also wanted to say that you could feel 99% better about this if you just change and lower your expectations. Lots of kids of one cry ALOT, it's because it's their only way of communicating, and of course it will change as he grows. And it is totally, utterly normal for him to need you with him when he plays; my ds did for about 4 years! It's what parents are for!

Re the food, if he cries for it just ignore the noise and dish up as you would. And one good trick is to put his food on your plate so that he's getting what you want him to get but without a fight or problem!

At this age it's about keeping one step ahead o them, and thinking your way round things rather than expecting them to conform.

And be assertive about carving out some time for you and your activities. No-one can be happy if all they do is care for a child who stresses them out. If you are a bit happier and more relaxed it will make all his irritations seem a bit less important. Can you get DH to give you a couple of evenings a week? Or use childcare one or two mornings/afternoons a week?

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