Seem to be in a negative spiral with my 4yr old dd1, how can I reverse it?

[Lisa229]

Sorry for the long post...

Every night for the last few weeks, I seem to be saying to myself, I wish I hadn't shouted at dd1/made her cry/dd1 hadn't had a tantrum/been calming with her/ignored the negative stuff etc etc but then the next day comes and she kicks off about something, it annoys me and we start all over again....seem to always have tantrums at dinner and bedtime and if I ask her to do something she doesn't want to do. Also lots of whining...what can I do? I also have a dd2 who is 13 months and I am sure half the time she is doing it to get my attention away from dd2 but how can I make it better for all of us? Up until now she has always been lovely and we have always been so close and I just feel like if I do not get a grip on what is happening, it is going to affect our relationship forever. She doesn't tend to be like this with DH so much he is at work.

I work 3 days a week and for example, we got back from the childminder yesterday and normally have dinner. DD1 said she wanted to watch tv and I said she could watch it after dinner. Started whining, trying to hit me. I managed to say calm (as we have had hitting for quite a few weeks and I normally end up shouting), asked her why she was hitting me and please not to do it as it wasn't very nice. She sat down for dinner, said she didn't like it, banged the bowl, kept getting up and down from the table,asking me when she could watch tv - basically anything to avoid eating it. It got to the point where I just said eat your bloody dinner which I know I shouldn't have. She then ate her dinner fine, went to watch tv for 20 mins and was fine until going up for a bath. She then whined to be carried upstairs which I couldn't do as I was carrying dd2, throwing toys around. We managed to get upstairs and they were in the bedroom while I ran the bath and I come back and she is kicking dd2 and taking her toys off her. I asked her not to do it, she continued. So I took her favourite teddy and stuck it on the top of the wardrobe and said she couldn't have it if she was going to be nasty to her sister. She started crying and din't stop til I gave her the teddy back. I said I would only give it back if she started to be nice to dd2 and me. She said she would and then we were fine at story and bedtime.

I know they all get tired at this sort of time and I know they all go through such phases and she has never been like this and I am finding it a struggle as to what the best thing to do it. I know it is probably my fault for not having the patience to ignore stuff or be more positive but it is just getting on my nerves. A lot of the time, I ask her something and she will just ignore me.

She starts school in a few weeks and I would like the few full days I have with her to be happy not full of tantrums and shouting..

Any advice greatly appreciated.

[PoorOldEnid]

" I come back and she is kicking dd2 and taking her toys off her. I asked her not to do it, she continued. So I took her favourite teddy and stuck it on the top of the wardrobe and said she couldn't have it if she was going to be nasty to her sister. She started crying and din't stop til I gave her the teddy back. I said I would only give it back if she started to be nice to dd2 and me. She said she would and then we were fine at story and bedtime."

that sounds fine tbh

all the rest sounds like tiredness from both of you

[Lisa229]

But how do I stop or at lessen this happening every day?

[AccidentalMum]

Hi.
In exactly the same boat here with DD1 (2.11). Only things that help are what you listed in your OP...ie. all the ways we know we should act but don't because we're so tired. I apologise every timne I slip up which helps massively and trt not to get dragged into silly battles. We got rid of the TV too, which has been such a weight off my shoulders. I don't take toys away unless it is actually being fought over but a friend threatens gently to tell PC Plum about misbehaviour!
Liz x