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Can anyone help me??????

(9 Posts)
cananyonehelpme Wed 13-Aug-08 20:55:22

He is aggressive, angry, rude, dis-respectful, nasty, annoying (a few words myself and others have used to describe him), throws tantrums at the drop of a hat, ignores simple requests - although understands them perfectly and no matter how many books I read I cannot seem to solve this. It is putting a strain on mine and my husbands relationship and I am beginning to hate him, which is an awful thing to say.

I am at my wits end. I have a 3yr old boy who is generally very well behaved and polite an alot clamer.

Can you help?

p.s. have name changed for obvious reasons

cananyonehelpme Wed 13-Aug-08 20:55:46

He is nearly 5.

objectivity Wed 13-Aug-08 20:56:46

What methods of behaviour management do you employ?

cananyonehelpme Wed 13-Aug-08 21:04:45

asking nicely - and again and again - then it ends up with me shouting.

i do use time out - which generally works - but not all the time.

i do think there is something seriousl wrong with him.

i know my shouting isnt helping.

objectivity Wed 13-Aug-08 21:08:03

Do you use time out in exasperation, as a punishment, or in anticipation of big tantrums?

Do you have a 'tool kit' of strategies for dealing with him or just the time out?

cananyonehelpme Wed 13-Aug-08 21:13:54

as a punishment.

i try to distract him if i feel a big tantrum coming up

HonoriaGlossop Wed 13-Aug-08 21:35:54

oh dear sorry you are having such problems with him; I guess you have tried asking in other ways? If you ask nicely but have to do it again and again then for whatever reason it is not engaging his attention.

Challenges/races/reverse psychology/using sense of humour were how I had to 'ask' my ds for a long time. Some kids just do not want to be 'told' what to do and IME it's great to get 'around' this issue rather than engaging in power struggles. Likewise some kids just want to oppose being 'punished' and why not, I would too; doesn't mean you don't have consequences though.

If they're aggressive to you - time out (for a genuine break from eachother)

If they're rude and disrespectful - ignore and make sure that the adults ALWAYS talk to the kids and each other politely and respectfully and don't shout.

If you really think there's something actually wrong, will you approach HV/GP? He could be referred for assessment by a Paed?

cananyonehelpme Wed 13-Aug-08 22:07:06

thank you everyone. i am off to bed tomorrow is a new day. will let you knwo how i get on. your advice has been fab

AnnasBananas Fri 15-Aug-08 13:35:23

I remember Tania Byron (House of Tiny Terrorways) said

1) Ask nicely once
2) Tell them firmly then tell them the consequence if they don't do it
3) Action - time out or loss of priveledges etc. I think at age 5 loss of priveledges is more effective than time-outs/naughty steps etc.

So only three things to do rather than asking an asking until you're blue in the face. Good luck!

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