pinching a child back when they pinch you

[nappyaddict]

have you ever done it?

[fluffyanimal]

No, and I don't think I would either. What's the logic? Do you hit a child back if they hit you? Bite them back if they bite you? Can't see it working.

[bogie]

No I think they learn that when they go to nursery/school My ds came home with a bright red mark on his face after he pinched a boy at nursery and got pinched back.

[fleacircus]

That's insane.

[belgo]

No. Agree with the others, there is no logic to it. We're the adults and we should behave like adults.

[Hulababy]

No I haven't and wouldn't. Think it sends out entirely the wrong message to the child.

Two wrongs don't make a right and all that.

[mrsruffallo]

That's crazy
You're the adult

[nappyaddict]

i was hoping for a few more replies but hopefully these will be enough to show my mother she can't go around pinching a 2 year old

[phdlife]

no it's bonkers, they will never learn NOT to if someone keeps doing it to them.

and if an adult is doing it to a 2yo it's got an element of bullying too.

[Hecate]

Nope. It's daft.

How can you teach them something is wrong by doing it to them?

Your mum is nuts.

It's like when a child hits and the parent goes don't hit, it's naughty. [boggle]

It's twatish.
It shows the person is so thick that they can't understand the contradiction and begs the question should someone with no sense at all even be allowed to breed?
And, imo, if you respond physically to a child it is because you have lost control of yourself.

[DoubleBluff]

absolutely not

[Tortington]

farting in face works much better

"smellllllllll it"

[hughjarssss]

Agree with evereything you said Hecate

[meandmyjoe]

Agree with hecate, how can you possibly tell them not to do it when you do it to them? It won't workm tell your mum it will just confuse him and actually make it harder to stop the behaviour. He's just a baby, he needs to be GENTLEY shown right from wrong.

[Podrick]

I think this is vile behaviour in an adult

[babyinbelly]

was play fighting with my 2yo and squeezed his bum gently. He then thought if mummy can do it so can I so pinched my arm. Felt really stupid then as clearly my fault. Agree with everyone else. Children learn from adults. If they pinch then it must be acceptable. Much better to start crying in fake pain and make them feel guilty!

[broccolispears]

I think it's a brilliant idea.

Also, when she throws her supper on the floor, I throw mine on the floor too so she learns not to do that.

[meandmyjoe]

lol broccoli that's exactly the way to teach them right from wrong!

[Cathpot]

Oh such a generation thing. I remember talking to my auntie when my DD was going through a biting phase, telling me that a child in her son's playgroup used to bite despite repeated sanctions and one day he bit her son in front of her so she picked him up and bit him back. The mum was there so she said 'I'm sorry but he wont do it again'. It made me smile to think of the the dog whistle pitched hysteria that would unfold if an adult bit a child at our playgroup. I had to tell her gently that it wouldnt go down well any more.. My personal stand point is that it is hard to take the moral high ground about biting etc if you do it yourself, I can say to my DD 'we dont hit in our family' etc and more importantly for me I know I wont smack her when I am tired and ill and fed up and at the end of the day if I have a blanket no smack policy. I do think its too harsh to call your mums behaviour twatish, I doubt she is a bad woman she just has different view point. Explain why you dont wnat her to do it, be firm about it and all will be well....

[nappyaddict]

cathpot - you don't know my mum even though i have told her i don't want her to do it she will still do it "because he hasn't done it again today has he"

[babyinbelly]

I think in order for biting/hitting/pinching back to work you have to do it really hard to get the message through that it hurts and not to do it again. I could not bring myself to bite/pinch DS this hard so feel it is far safer not to do it at all. If you dont do it right the first time with ref to timing/how hard/etc it will only escalate the problem.

[Cathpot]

OK, thats a whole different ball game. You need to be able to trust her to follow your rules with your child. I presume there is more going on than a misunderstanding. Does she know how strongly you feel about it? If she does and still ignores your wishes then this is about more than one discipline issue.

[theyoungvisiter]

well first obviously I'd try to persuade her of the ridiculousness in teaching a child not to do something that's wrong by, er, doing the very thing they are not supposed to be doing,

But if that doesn't work, how about asking her if she really wants to be the only person in her grandchild's life who goes around intentionally hurting him? He's really going to want to visit her when she's old and incontinent, isn't he? Kids have amazingly long memories.

I can still remember my granny babysitting me when I was about 3 or 4 and shouting at me because I came downstairs after lights out. I'd had a bad dream and had come downstairs for comfort which my parents allowed - but she yelled at me so instead I crept back to bed and cried myself to sleep. 27 years on, and I can still remember the confusion and injustice of it - even though I loved my granny very much and she's now dead.

Your DS won't forget that his granny is the mean old woman who went around hurting him when he was too small to defend himself.

[babyinbelly]

I had loads of problems with my mum when my ds was smaller. She used to do what she felt was right regardless of my methods/requests. I had to have a row with her in the end to say my child if you can't back me up using my methods than keep you nose out. She got the message afther that and now allows me to disipline etc and sits and shuts up.

Mums often think they are doing whats right or best for their gc but at the end of the day you have the final say in how your child should be treated and need to make that clear.

Good luck

[nappyaddict]

been there done that. have had countless rows about it but as we pretty much share childcare 50/50 she thinks she has as much say as i do. i suppose she does have a point.