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I am quite horrified at the amount of my Mum friends who are talking about smacking at 20m

(27 Posts)
CrushWithEyeliner Mon 11-Aug-08 12:42:30

My NCT/babygroup friends are all talking about starting to smack soon - or children are all around 20m. I didn't think it was common practise at all, certainly not at this young age - I mean, they are still babies.
We have made the decision not to smack but realise this is our choice and not everyone is the same. I am quite strong on it as I was hit and smacked a lot as a child and adolescent and it affected me in a negative way. I realise everyone does what is right for them, but I am quite disgusted at my calm, quite passive friends friends talking like this when their children are just displaying normal toddler behaviour and feeling the odd one out...surely there is no evidence that they learn anything from smacking at this young age?

Overmydeadbody Mon 11-Aug-08 12:44:34

A lot of parents simply carry on what they learnty about parenting from their parents, and it wasn't so long ago it was the norm to smack children.

EffiePerine Mon 11-Aug-08 12:46:14

I don't like smacking and was reassured to find books like Toddler Taming agree with me

there are better ways to discipline a toddler

Bluebutterfly Mon 11-Aug-08 12:47:21

It is illegal to smack children under 3 in Scotland. I agree with that. I actually do not smack my ds (over 3), because I don't want to, but also because I find that there are plenty of alternative ways to deal with childhood behaviour than to use physical chastisement. If I can't outsmart my 3 year old, then there is definitely something wrong with me.

CrushWithEyeliner Mon 11-Aug-08 12:47:55

one friend is having pressure put on by her Mother to smack the baby. So sad I thought but very telling. Maybe it is just a think that passes from one generation to the next...not in my case

Bluebutterfly Mon 11-Aug-08 12:50:22

She should tell her mother to bog off. None of her business.

mollythetortoise Mon 11-Aug-08 12:50:54

i never smacked my daughter (5) and won't be smacking my son (15 months). I am more anti smacking now for my son as i didn't have particularly strong feelings about it either way when my daughter was a toddler. I just didn't do it. There are other ways of disciplining children.. or distraction works well for a trantruming toddler.. 20 months is IMO too young to really understand wrong doing. I would say 2.5 at earliest if you feel you must smack.

AbbeyA Mon 11-Aug-08 12:56:58

I think that the only thing they will learn, CrushWithEyeliner, is that you can get your own way by force if you are bigger and stronger! I should just keep quiet and do your own thing.

LittleBella Mon 11-Aug-08 13:09:52

Blimey.

Who'd have thought it of the NCT.

shock

MatBackFack Mon 11-Aug-08 13:13:29

I know literally hundreds of parents since having the dc, many through the NCT and I don't know any who smack. The only time I have seen people smack is strangers in the supermarket, park etc and they have universally received disapproving looks. We were smacked, not excessively, as children but I don't think that is any excuse when expert opinion (and the law) clearly thinks that it is counter productive. There are much better ways of dispipining as others have said. Stick to your guns.

JuneBugJen Mon 11-Aug-08 13:14:18

Don't agree with smacking except in the Toddler Taming situation if the child is putting themselves into harm and it would be more detrimental to allow them to continue it and a smack might bring it home.

Did smack dd once at 24months when she used to repeatedly bolt off across roads, carparks etc. Tried explaining, naughty step etc and it didn't work. One gentle but firm smack did.
Agonised over than for weeks after though.

2point4kids Mon 11-Aug-08 13:15:22

Maybe it is just something they think is the done thing because thats how it was when they were younger?
Both Dh and I were smacked as children. Both of us are very close to our parents and have no issue with it.
However I dont want to smack our children because having thought about it, it seems there are much better ways to discipline them.
DH didnt really think about it, just assumed thats what you did.
He asked me recently 'Is DS old enough to have a smack yet?' I said 'no and he wont ever be'
We chatted about it and having thought about it, DH agrees with me.
Sometimes its just not thinking!

LittleBella Mon 11-Aug-08 13:19:47

Well mothers who regularly smacked their kids and have a nagging feeling of guilt or doubt about it, might well try and put pressure on their daughters to smack their grandchildren, as they can then feel their crap punishment methods are validated. I've quite clearly told my mother that smacking children is wrong. I don't give a shit if that makes her feel bad about smacking me, she shouldn't have done it.

Fuck 'em! grin

meandmyjoe Mon 11-Aug-08 16:21:03

Bloody hell they are still babies a that age. All smacking them will do is teach them that when they are angry, they are allowed to smack things and people. Not a good message to be learning! I was smacked as a child, not often, maybe about 3 times and I can't say as it did me any harm but I would still like to believe that there are better forms of discipline that actually show your child the correct way to behave. How can you possibly smack a child but then explain to them that it's wrong when they smack someone else? However, my ds is only 12 months so time will tell whether I am able to toddler tame him or beat the living crap out of him. The way he is at the minute, it could go either way! (Only joking for those of you ready to phone nspcc!)

Tortington Mon 11-Aug-08 16:22:34

you must frequent one of those working class NCTs, you must leave immediatley and wash

poppy34 Mon 11-Aug-08 16:24:37

lol at custardo

MrsMattie Mon 11-Aug-08 16:25:25

They sound a bit dim.

Tortington Mon 11-Aug-08 16:25:57

Research from Dr Esra Ymtae suggests that smacking your child is actually better than smoking see here here

CrushWithEyeliner Mon 11-Aug-08 17:13:21

LOL at working class NCTs....
They are articulate, caring lovely people which is why I am so horrified at this. I will find it v hard not to pull a face, and they had better not do it in front of me or I will feel really sick. Bearing in mind our kids are 20m.

LittleBella Mon 11-Aug-08 18:01:12

Do your NCT people look like him in Custy's link?

kate76 Thu 14-Aug-08 20:18:16

this post makes me feel really sad. i hate smacking in itself but can't believe there are people out there who would consider smacking a 20 month old. :-(

kwaker5 Thu 14-Aug-08 21:53:55

I knew someone who used to smack her 10 mo (on the hand with her finger) for touching things she had told him not to touch! Funnily enough, he started hitting other kids once he turned 1....

Can't believe people can't be arsed to find another way of teaching their children right from wrong.

Slickbird Thu 14-Aug-08 22:05:56

Welllll, I have to say I'm somewhere in the middle on this. My oldest daughter's 7 and I can probably count on one hand the times I've smacked her bum. The reasons have usually been because she was about to or did to something extremely dangerous. Personally I believe that, in that situation, is instinct - 'this is a little skelp, but it's better than what you were about to do to yourself, therefore, remember!!' - You see animals doing it with their cubs and young in the wild all the time, so I don't think agree with a blanket ban. I do think 20 months is too young tho. I also agree that there are far better ways to deal with behavioural issues rather than to resort to smacking. We as parents have to be more clever, but Goddamn, sometimes it's hard when the child feels smarter than you!!!

Slickbird Thu 14-Aug-08 22:10:04

P.S. I can remember all the times my parents smacked me because it was INFREQUENT and generally for a good reason - e.g. riding my bike on the road when I wasn't ready to (didn't do that again). Although, I do remember getting smacked for ignoring my dad when he asked me to go to bed, but I got my own back during the smack as I peed all over him. I couldn't help it that I needed the toilet....blush I didn't ignore him again either! And my parents are great, supportive and caring people who taught me respect and responsibility. Not all people who smack are mean! smile

janey97 Thu 14-Aug-08 22:13:59

what right has anyone got to smack anyone else all that happens is children hit each other then whether they are 20mth or 20years surely research has shown that behaviour breeds behaviour i would have to air my views at your group!!!!

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