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feel like walking away right now. Please give me a reason to stay.

(47 Posts)
colnelcustard Mon 11-Aug-08 10:21:27

I have three dc's age 5, 3, and 1. Right now I could quite happily walk away from them. I've had it with the screaming and the bickering and the sleepless nights night in night out.

This morning they have basically spent all morning tearing each other to pieces. Surely this can't be fucking normal. Surely there has to be something I can do to make them just stop and shut up for a change.

They never listen to I say. I have tried everything being strict, reward charts, fucking everything.

Excuse my language. But I've had it. I give, give, give and I feel like I get nothing back.

There is no one who will help me. I've asked the doctor for sedatives for the baby as she is up on the hour every hour all night. But they won't help me. I've asked the Health Visitor if she feels my dd has behavioural problems she won't help me.

Perhaps they are all best off with out me. I can't go on like this. I get no happiness from my children. I can't wait till they go to bed at night so I can get away from them.

Give me a reason to want to stay. Right now all I can see is sheer misery until they decide they've had enough of me and leave home.

Wade Mon 11-Aug-08 10:31:14

Anyone nearby you can ring? Go and see? Any playgroups open?

Reason to stay: Its not forever this is a temporary phase in your life - you will look back on it and smile...

cheltenhamgal Mon 11-Aug-08 10:33:36

Do you not have any family or a partner who can help ? I must admit that my daughter is very hard work but that is only one child ! Have you tried another Health visitor in your practice, mine was an absolute angel.

meandmyjoe Mon 11-Aug-08 10:34:21

Agree with wade, we've all been there.

cheltenhamgal Mon 11-Aug-08 10:34:36

meant to add, I agree with Wade this is only a phase, it will get better

colnelcustard Mon 11-Aug-08 10:35:12

My ds does go to school and that's great as I only have to deal with the younger two which is pretty easy by themselves.

I hate the summer holidays they are too long. I have no money and they get bored so blinking easily that I can't constantly be entertaining them.

I have no one to help me. My mother will occasinally take them to the park (she is there now with them) but no one will help at the weekend (it gets in the way of her social life).

If I had some bloody sleep I might be a bit more reasonable. I almost crashed the car the other day as I fell asleep at the wheel. Have done controlled crying absolutely everything but nothing works. Which is why I want to go down the sedatives route. But the doctor is unwilling to help.

stealthsquiggle Mon 11-Aug-08 10:38:02

Call your HV back - or call the practice and see if there is another HV you can see. You need help.

It is a phase, but that doesn't help how desperate you sound right now. You are sleep deprived and trying to deal with 3 small DC - what you need most IMO is the perspective that an uninterrupted night's sleep would give you. Is there anyone who could come and take over for a night to give you that?

Tortington Mon 11-Aug-08 10:40:00

stick baby in one room.

stick kids in another room.

go ownstairs.

make self brew

eat cake
watch trisha

colnelcustard Mon 11-Aug-08 10:40:16

No there is no one unfortunately, people always offer to take the other two but that is no good to me. I can cope with them once I have had some sleep. I just wish someone would take the baby even for one night.

My mother sees it as a massive inconvenience on her life I just feel like there is no one to turn to. And my DP is very supportive but obviously he has to get up at the crack of dawn and go to work then I go out to work when he gets back.

I feel so jealous of all these mummy's who have their mummy's to help them I have no one.

Doodle2U Mon 11-Aug-08 10:41:33

Right - I'll get flamed, bollocked and drummed off Mumsnet for this BUT, this is what I would do.

Sleep depravation makes everything, every fucking thing, seem 100 times worse than it is. You MUST address that first before you can either begin to think about stratergies for the day.

I would use Medised for 5 nights on the baby. It's a paracetamol based medicine which knocks them out. Do NOT overdose the baby but a measure of that should prolong how long she sleeps for and with a bit of luck, get her in a routine of sleeping through. It will give you some longer, quality sleep.

colnelcustard Mon 11-Aug-08 10:42:20

I have tried medised even piriton. nothing works! that's why i want to go down the sedative route but the doctor won't help.

Romy7 Mon 11-Aug-08 10:43:51

get out of the house.
take turns overnight with dp, whatever the hell time he has to get up.

all things will pass.

i wrote 'i have gone to the airport' in plastic letters on the fridge once. and contemplated doing it.

SixSpotBurnet Mon 11-Aug-08 10:44:12

Oh, catchy sad. You sound so stressed. It is hard, isn't it?

Can you afford something like a morning at a soft play centre? I used to find it a godsend when my three were younger. The older two would go off climbing and bouncing and having a good time and I could just nurse the little one and drink tea and eat cake. Then the afternoon would be more peaceful because the older two had burned off a load of energy and would be happy just to play with their toy vehicles or something, and I would feel a bit better (although still knackered!).

snowleopard Mon 11-Aug-08 10:44:35

Could you ask your mum to stay overnight and look after the baby in the night, so you could get a good night's sleep once in a while?

Also, re the last sentence of your OP, they will get older. They won't always be screaming tiny children and up in the night. OK it will take time to get there but you won't be having this hell until they're 18!

If you can find the energy, I'd go and badger the GP and HV a bit more. Tell them how you actually feel, the things you said in your OP about feeiling miserable and wanting to get away. It might be worth considering if you might have PND as well (though anyone would be ground down by this even without PND!).

Re what you say about bedtime, we ALL feel like that, totally normal. I only have one DS who is generally not a pain, but when he goes to sleep do I think woooohoooo!? yes I do. You need time for yourself, everyone does.

Doodle2U Mon 11-Aug-08 10:46:40

Right - have you tried lavendar oil on a hanky tied to her cot? Have you tried homeopathic sleep rememdies? Have you tried co-sleeping? Have you tried Have you tried an oesteopath (no idea how you spell that) because a LOT of people have found that VERY helpful.

Don't give up yet Missus - there's stuff you can be doing! How is she eating? Can you give her some porridge before bed to keep hunger at bay?

colnelcustard Mon 11-Aug-08 10:47:15

i can afford a morning at the soft play. although last time we went there dd (3) shit herself so had to clean all that up!

money would not be such an issue if my fucking selfish ex-h decided to give me my maintenance rather than fuck around all the time so have to spend most mornings badgering the csa.

i know i will get shot down for saying this but as i am not getting any money from him, i have stopped his contact which would obviously help me out but feel that if i give in then he would just feel that it is ok not to pay maintenance ever!

Wade Mon 11-Aug-08 10:47:58

Have you ruled out all the obvious reasons for the hourly waking? Is something wrong? Temperature? Does the bb always do this or is it a new behaviour?

Some of the HV are useless but there are some good ones out there, worth a try.

snowleopard Mon 11-Aug-08 10:49:10

OMG I've just seen that you go out to work too in the evenings. You must be knackered. Agree with those who say you have to get some sleep. Tell your DP and your mum that you are at breaking point and need a night's sleep right now. Tell them you nearly crashed the car. You work just as hard as your DP does - he can be up all night occasionally.

colnelcustard Mon 11-Aug-08 10:49:11

she has done it since the day she was born. i've not had a full nights sleep in 13 months so that might be why i am now at the end of my tether.

snowleopard Mon 11-Aug-08 10:52:02

Where do you live? You may be able to find free activity centres (someone posted recently about a great one they'd found in Liverpool). There are soft play cafes and even a good park or playground can wear them out and give you a break. I've always found getting outside during the day helps DS sleep better.

colnelcustard Mon 11-Aug-08 10:54:14

we are in west sussex. i do take them out and wear them out as much as i can. its just they seem to fight no matter what i do with them.

i don't know what i'm doing wrong. my sisters children will play nicely for hours together. i just feel like a complete failure as a parent. i did not sign up for this. i was not naive enough to think it would all be the waltons but never thought it would be this bad.

snowleopard Mon 11-Aug-08 10:54:30

If your DP is supportive he must see he has to give you a break. Does he ever get holidays? Can he book a week's holiday and spend it with the kids so you can have a rest?

colnelcustard Mon 11-Aug-08 10:57:14

He is v. supportive but its just very difficult he has a very stressful job and i have made it clear that when we go on our hols in a couple of weeks that it is my holiday too and i really want us to take turns with dealing with the kids. he seems to be up for that so hopefully will get a bit of a break then.

Doodle2U Mon 11-Aug-08 10:57:49

Well 5, 3 and 1 year olds are not known for their diplomatic skills but they do get better at rubbing along.

Never mind your sister's kids...they proabably eat their own poo or summat but she'll never tell you that!

I do think your Mum and DP need to step up to the plate here though but they won't until you tell them, in no uncertain terms, just how bad this is.

The solution will have to come from you CM because it's obvious that no one else has noticed how worn down you are. Get your mother when she's back from the park and plead with her!

Wade Mon 11-Aug-08 10:57:55

she's woken hourly since she was born - fucking hell. Is she otherwise healthy/good weight? In addition to Doodle's list, have you tried leaving a low light on, sleeping her in the travel cot, is there a possibility that she is eating too much and has indigestion?! Asda are giving out vouchers for free activities during the summer holidays. Ever taken her swimming? Maybe she'd sleep after that.

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