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Now what is the appropriate response to this?

(8 Posts)
OrmIrian Mon 11-Aug-08 10:00:02

Met the mum of DS#1's best friend from school on Friday. They were inseperable in school but since end of term they haven't seen each other. DS lost his phone with friends number on it so can't call him. Can't remember the house number so can't go there. But friend used to come round on his bike quite often and call DS. Mum tells me this is because the lad is being threatened by an older boy - about 15 and bigger - and he's afraid to go anywhere in town without him mum sad.

DS#1 was furious about this. Absolutely incandescent with rage! His instant response was that he'd beat up this older kid if he ever went near his friend again. Went on and on about it for ages.

Might just add that he has form. He got hurt a few times in Yr 1 because he stood up to some boys who were bullying his best friend.

Now what do you say:

1. Well done for standing up for your friend. It's good to stand up for someone who needs help etc.
2. Don't be so ridiculous. Violence solves nothing. And he's bigger than you anyway?

I tend towards the latter - terrified of him turning into a thug (and getting hurt). DH tend towards the former.

barnsleybelle Mon 11-Aug-08 10:11:13

I tink you should do a bit of both. It is very good that he wants to stand up for his friend and yes this should be praised.

However, the advise i give ds (although only 6), is that he should never get involved directly. He will most likely end up in more trouble than anyone. It seems you know this. It's best that the other family solve their own issues and your boy stay well out of it.

kittywise Mon 11-Aug-08 10:18:28

def the first. Well done him.

My eldest is only just 10 and small for his age. He tends to get picked on because of this and he and I would always be grateful for someone bigger to help look after him. I am enrolling him in boxing lessons so that he can physicaly stand up for himself.
Quite often the only language bullies understand is a punch.
Please encourage your brave ds to keep standing up to the bully boys and keep on looking out for those who are being bullied

kittywise Mon 11-Aug-08 10:21:14

Also, there are too many people who turn the other way because they are worried about getting into trouble. I think that is such a shame, where would society be if we only looked to ourselves and didn't try to help those being victimised because we might get into trouble? shock. Personally I think that's a sad attitude to have sad

FabioFridgeFluffFrenzy Mon 11-Aug-08 10:23:29

I think I'd be somewhere between the two tbh.

I think it's great he wants to (and is willing!) to stand up for his pal, but also a good idea to point out that he might get battered.

pointydog Mon 11-Aug-08 10:42:12

I think the attitide that he shows in 1) is well worth keeping and encouraging. Very few children really stick up for their friends in this way when faced with bullying.

But rather than his first response being 'I'll beat him up', he should try just acting/speaking to bully with such confidence. I'd say physical violence should only be a very last resort and only in response to someone else's.

cocolepew Mon 11-Aug-08 10:46:56

A mixture of both, leaning more to the first response Good for him, he sounds like a lovely friend.

OrmIrian Mon 11-Aug-08 12:55:37

Thanks for your replies. I've been tied up with work all morning.

My concern is that he is big for his age and he does have a temper so I worry that he might get himself into trouble. He is also a brown belt in karate which he seriously seems to beleive makes him invulnerable hmm

However he also likes playing the clown and is quick with words. I think the answer will lie in telling him to stand up to the lad verbally - if he absolutely has to - but not to go looking for trouble.

Its the weirdest feeling seeing your LOs growing up and engaging with the outside world independently of you, and in their own way.

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