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3 yr old DS turning into monster - advice appreciated

(5 Posts)
Tryharder Sat 09-Aug-08 22:30:38

DS1 has always been a bit high spirited but since the birth of DS2 2 months ago, he has turned into a monster. I have a bitof an unusual family setup - DH lives abroad for much of the year and I have a live-in aupair (when I say aupair, she's an older lady who's qualified in childcare and experienced) who's been us since DS1 was 6 months old (he's now nearly 4). His behaviour with the aupair has deteriorated - he was playing a CD today and she told him to turn the volume down so he threw a yoghurt across the living room and quite deliberately peed on the floor!!! His relationship with his daddy used to be really good but he's become incredibly cheeky, refuses to do as told and answers back. He's better with me and he's fine if he's getting his own way but if thwarted, immediately starts screaming. He seems to spend some days permanently in tears and having tantrums. A tantrum can be started by the littlest thing e.g. asking him to help tidy up his toys, saying no to demands for sweets, even something like telling him it's bathtime. It's difficult to take him places such as the park or soft play centres as he throws a fit when we have to leave. He sometimes winds me up to the point where I really, really dislike him and feel almost violent towards him. We've tried shouting at him, reasoning with him, ignoring him, taking away treats or toys, sending him to his room...and nothing seems to work.

My mum reckons it's a phase and obviously the bad behaviour stems from the birth of DS2. I've tried and tried to make sure he's not pushed out and he's actually getting more attention from me now since birth of DS2 as I'm at home all the time now whereas before I was at work a lot of the time. But obviously, DS2 does take up a lot of my time but he's got his daddy around, my mum and dad whom he adores and the aupair (although when I say aupair she's actually like part of our family - I just dont know how to describe her). I just want my lovely, friendly, confident little boy back - at the moment, our family wouldnt look out of place on 'Supernanny'!!

Any advice appreciated- apologies for long post and thanks for reading. xx

thisisyesterday Sat 09-Aug-08 22:34:06

I agree with your mum!

I am in the exact same situation right now. ds1 is 3.5 and still a bit put out by the arrival of ds2 9 months ago.
behaviour almost identical to yours. we've had nothing but tears and tantrums today.

I am just hoping it'll pass soon :S

chipmonkey Sat 09-Aug-08 22:53:24

I could have written the OP about ds3 since ds4 came along! But all I have to do is cast my mind back to when ds2 was born and how ds1 behaved. He got over it!grin

Tryharder Sat 09-Aug-08 23:10:15

Thanks for your support, thisisyesterday. Because DH is away so much, ive always been really, really close to DS1 and it breaks my heart to see him so out of sorts and unhappy. The only positive thing is that he loves his baby brother and so far touch wood hasnt displayed any antagonism towards him.

I suppose our sons have had 3 years of nothing but our undivided attention and love and it comes as a bit of shock to their systems to have a baby in the house.

Tryharder Sat 09-Aug-08 23:14:45

Thanks also Chipmonkey. Nice to know they get over it. It really had better be soon otherwise the men in white coats will be round ours to drag me away kicking and screaming.

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