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Worried about DS2s reaction when new baby comes ... any tips? ...

(8 Posts)
DisenchantedPlusBump Fri 08-Aug-08 18:08:01

DS1 was only 18 months when DS2 was born, and we did the whole 'oh wow, what a big boy you are... are you going to help with the new baby?? Can you pass mummy a nappy please? what a fantastic big brother you are! Big boy!!' thing

It went reasonably smoothly, we did have some problems but now at 3 and 2 thay are best, best friends and do nothing but love each other.

Problem is, DS2 is completely different to DS1.

Whereas DS1 relished the 'big boy' thing DS is adamant he is still a baby

It breaks my heart as I don't want him to feel pushed out.

He has always been a mummies boy, and very,very close and cuddly to me.

If I say to him, 'what a big boy you are' he says 'no, im a baba'

and if his older brother says 'look how big I am' ds2 will say 'I am small'

Its like he knows a smaller one is coming and he is desperatly trying to tell me hes a baby still.

Any advice?

It makes me want to cry!

Spidermama Fri 08-Aug-08 18:10:01

I think it helps to 'baby' the older child so that they know they can still play the role and won't be forcec into the bigger, older, moresensible role.

You can also get them to help wherever possible with things like nappy changing.

I see so many mums go mental just because the toddler goes near the baby. Babies don't mind a bit of toddler handling so try not to be too precious.

DisenchantedPlusBump Fri 08-Aug-08 18:35:56

Hes very much 'babied' anyway. He just seems to be mentioning it alot more since my bumps got big and we have been buying things and talking about baby more.

I'm not the type to keep them away from the baby

Spidermama Fri 08-Aug-08 18:56:24

I think a certain amount of grieving for one's position in the family is inevitable. It sounds like you're doing really well fwiw.

There's a book called Siblings Without Rivalry which addresses this but I can't remember what it says.

I had my four pretty close together so the next one up always seemed to still be breastfeeding when the next baby came along. I tandem fed and I thought it really helped.

I don't know if that's an option. A bit of a long shot I know.

DisenchantedPlusBump Fri 08-Aug-08 19:03:39

Im planning on BFing this baby but don't BF DS.

Hes just so small and I always felt some guilt for having DS2 when DS1 was only 1.5 but he didn't seem to mind.

Now I feel like Ive done it again too soon, only this time it IS affecting DS2.

DisenchantedPlusBump Fri 08-Aug-08 20:00:48

Bump to se if anyone else has a sensitive baby toddler.

Spidermama Fri 08-Aug-08 21:57:57

Bumping for you again because I know full well there are good tips out there. smile

Thankyouandgoodnight Fri 08-Aug-08 22:09:26

I don't know if this will help but do you have any friends with new or newish babies that you can / do hang out with? I found that DD (19 months) seeing me with a baby in my arms and yet still having all my attention helped to pave the way.

We also give her lots of praise for any positive behaviour towards the baby (e.g. kisses / bouncing him in his chair etc) but don't get her to help with any of the 'chores'. She loves to sit and have the baby on her lap (we help obviously). The main thing we do is to obviously provide all the baby needs but have our mental focus on DD so she doesn't feel that she needs to compete. Then, when baby cries, we play it down, say 'ooh I wonder if it's hunger / needs new nappy etc' and we both go and investigate. If I'm BFing, I always sit with a space next to my free arm so that she can come and sit next to me with a book or whatever and I try to encourage feeds to leave critical times like meal times etc free and just have baby in a sling so I look a bit lumpy but can operate as normal grin.

I don't suppose this is helpful in the slightest is it as they're all different blush.

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