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HELP, I'M so sad-nmy lovely sensitive, creative 6.5 yo dd is becoming precocious and spoiled by trashy american popular culture and consumersism!

(103 Posts)
noonar Fri 08-Aug-08 17:29:06

i want my dd back. for the last couple of months, and particularly since the school holidays began i have had a real battle with my once lovely dd1.

she has always been a really creative, kind child, who is sensitive towards the needs of others. we have often been told how emotionally intelligent she is, by teachers, friends and family. basically, she's a lovely girl.

however, she's recently started to be totally obsessed by the likes of high school musical, hannah montana, getting her ears pierced, claires accessories, magazines with free lip gloss etc. i should add that she hardly watches this stuff on tv, but its very much the 'in thing' at school. unfortunately, even tiny amounts of exposure to this crap is really having an impact on her(eg playing games with dd1 while speaking in ghastly american accents.) now, i realise that this is par for the course for many girls, but my dd seems to be soaking it up like a sponge- more than her friends are.

to add to this, since the holidays began, she just has not stopped asking for treats. she is continually asking for ice creams, sweets, magazines and other junk. i have tried to give her a reasonable amount of little treats so that she doesnt feel that i'm a complete meanie. i have tried giving her a nominal amount of pocket money, but she just pesters non stop to the shops to spend her money.

i try to do simple family activites like visiting country parks, the seafront or park and going on picnics. i avoid activites that are too commercial. also, she has lots of creative influences in her life, like pottery and violin lessons, but still, if there's tat in sight, my dd will gravitate towards it.

we went camping with a group of friends at the start of the hols, but my dd spent most of the weekend nagging to go to the gift shop.

we are off to italy on monday and i am so worried that the whole treat thing is going to get out of hand. i'm just dreading this aspect of the holiday, tbh.

i went ballistic with her yesterday, as she was rude and stroppy with her lovely dad when he got home. she has been loads better today, but i'd still be v grateful for any advice on how to curb my lovely dds new found precocious streak. sad

ImnotMamaGbutsheLovesMe Fri 08-Aug-08 17:30:45

Say no when you don't want to buy her certain things/take her to the gift shop.

Tell her she has to earn treats and being rude to her daddy is not the way to get anything.

Maybe give her her own pocket money and once it has gone, on tat it has gone.

noonar Fri 08-Aug-08 17:34:15

you know what, i'mnot, i am actually pretty good discipline wise and have firm boundaries generally. this thing is defeating me, though. i never give in to nagging. when i've said 'no' i stick to it. but still she nags...

noonki Fri 08-Aug-08 17:35:07

With treats we have a one a day rule on holiday

in supermarkets they can have one treat - the first one they ask for they get (pre-agreed)... so they ask carefully

'fraid I only have no DDs ... I would hate all that stuff too, errrr 'just a phase' ignore it and don't fuel it ?

gagarin Fri 08-Aug-08 17:35:31

Don't think you can curb it - but you can guide it.

Get her to help you buy treats for her dad (for example) so she can experience the pleasure of giving as a counterbalance to receiving.

The love of tat is something you have to put up with - I have some amazingly awful ornaments given to me by my dds when they were young - so tacky they're hilarious. But I received them with good grace and never once sniggered in a "OMG how could she like THAT" way.

And why not give her an allowance for the holiday and do not go over it.

Good luck.

noonar Fri 08-Aug-08 17:35:56

would like to apologise for poncy thread title! just re read it and cringed blush

ImnotMamaGbutsheLovesMe Fri 08-Aug-08 17:36:07

No idea then, sorry.

You can't hear her when she talks in a nagging/whiney voice? Just repeat I can't hear you until she gets the message. That one works for my emotional and stroppy 5 year old.

When she does get something because she has asked nicely use it to explain how she got XYZ because she asked nicely, etc.

noonar Fri 08-Aug-08 17:39:38

thanks gagarin and noonki for your posts. i like the 'first thing you ask for' rule.

i think we will do the one ice cream/ treat a day rule.

i do undestand that children like tat, but it seems to be altering her personality...

keevamum Fri 08-Aug-08 17:43:49

I can totally relate to you. My dd1 has just turned 8 and sounds very similar.She really used to be an angelic child, kind thoughtful, sensitive, intelligent, calm and now she has turned into a very rude, insensitive, obstinate and selfish child. It almost seemed to happen overnight but I guess I can trace it back to DD2 being born 2 years ago. As a result I have had much less patience and time for DD1. I still ensure I spend some quality time with her 1 on 1 but it never seems enough. To be honest nothing ever seems good enough for her any more. She also watches the same crap on TV and prob because she is an excellent reader reads books which are a bit inappropriate for her age. I do try to monitor her reading/ tv habits but it is hard to monitor everything. I would so love my daughter back as she was. It would be very helpful if someone can post advice on here who has had a child like this but has succesfully come out the other side. Sorry I can't be more help to you but can sympathise fully with your plight. Let's hope someone has some good advice.

noonki Fri 08-Aug-08 17:45:03

we do that too imnotmama...

whiney voice ... foreign language

no ..'please can I have... ' no get!

noonar Fri 08-Aug-08 17:45:23

thanks gagarin and noonki for your posts. i like the 'first thing you ask for' rule.

i think we will do the one ice cream/ treat a day rule.

i do understand that children like tat, but it seems to be altering her personality...

noonar Fri 08-Aug-08 17:47:13

oh keeva... lots of sympathy from me to you too. xx

keevamum Fri 08-Aug-08 17:49:30

That sounds like good advice ImnotMamaG. Have not ignored my DD when she whines but I realise this would give it both the attention it deserves and thoroughly frustrate my DD to the point she may get the message eventually.

FluffyMummy123 Fri 08-Aug-08 17:50:04

Message withdrawn

noonar Fri 08-Aug-08 17:50:42

keeva, i have also tried to increase the 1:1 attention thing too. i did wonder if the nagging was attention seeking too, as well as being to do with wanting stuff.

noonar Fri 08-Aug-08 17:51:06

cod- i dont like it!!!!!

keevamum Fri 08-Aug-08 17:52:03

Thanks noonar. I am actually crying now as I remember how wonderful she used to be yet I so rarely see this side to her anymore. Is it the same for you?

Miggsie Fri 08-Aug-08 17:53:30

May whoever wrote and concieved High School Musical rot and perish...

keevamum Fri 08-Aug-08 17:53:54

Cod does that really mean we just have to sit back and accept it?

noonar Fri 08-Aug-08 17:56:15

oh hon...i've shed a few tears this week too. i'm still in a state of bewilderment, tbh, wondering when this shift actually occurred. it could've been a while ago as i think its been months since we've spent such a long time at home together- we moved house 4 months ago, we go away quite a bit in the hols. the weekends are so short and there're always at school....did it happen ages ago and i didnt notice as she went back to school before the pattern emerged??

noonar Fri 08-Aug-08 17:59:19

here here, miggsie. it might be snogging teenagers who act in these shows, but its the younger children who want to watch them!

LurkerOfTheUniverse Fri 08-Aug-08 18:00:47

have to agree with cod - she is being influenced by people who are not her parents

you can't control that really, if you find it hard now just wait until she hits her teenage years

she'll come out the other side a normal human being!

LurkerOfTheUniverse Fri 08-Aug-08 18:01:48

there is no snogging in HSM

FluffyMummy123 Fri 08-Aug-08 18:03:19

Message withdrawn

keevamum Fri 08-Aug-08 18:04:57

I also think my DD has been spoilt to an extent to have very generous grandparents, but she only has to mention something in passing and voila at their next visit they have bought it for her. I don't want to appear ungrateful but I think this has really heightened her expectations and therefore increases her whinginess when with us if she wants something but we say no. Do you think we should address this with GP's or just with DD?

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