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Please tell me this phase will be over soon - or help me to deal with it more effectively..

(7 Posts)
constancereader Wed 06-Aug-08 21:17:03

I know most 19 month old children have some difficulty sharing with other children, but my ds seems to have an extreme form of this behavior. He is generally distractable when out and about, but at home he has started to have a very violent reaction to other children sharing his space or toys. My usual strategy was to stop him from taking the toy from the other child and give him something else to play with, but this has stopped working at home. He now tries to push, hit, scream at any other child who visits. I obviously hold him back when he tries this, so he then screams and arches his back in frustration and distress. He does not stop until I take him out of the room.

The other day I had to sit in the bedroom with him while my visitors and their children played happily in my living room.

I then tried putting away most toys when visitors came, except for play tunnels and tents, big cushions and a basket full of identical balls in the hope that he wouldn't be territorial about them but that didn't make any difference sad.

He is cutting a lot of teeth atm which I don't think is helping, and I am seven months pg which is making me hormonal and anxious about his reaction to the new baby when she arrives.

Is there anything else I could be doing?

Hulababy Wed 06-Aug-08 21:29:59

How does he react if you put him in another room, and you then leave?

constancereader Wed 06-Aug-08 21:32:54

I haven't done this as he seems so distressed.

Do you think it would be worth trying?

jellyrolly Wed 06-Aug-08 21:37:10

I have a star chart for my ds1 and he has got much better at sharing now. He ignored it for the first couple of weeks but now hates losing a star. My health visitor said 'it's got to be worth being good' which I try and remember! He gets a trip to the library and time with just me when he gets to the top (poor thing smile).

I think your worries are very normal. Your ds1 is obviously bright - there's a lot going on in that wee brain. He'll soon learn to share when he has a brother or sister, mine did! Good luck x

jellyrolly Wed 06-Aug-08 21:38:26

Sorry just seen "when she arrives", I mean "when he has a sister".

thisisyesterday Wed 06-Aug-08 21:42:27

it will pass, really. it's hard though isn't it?

What helped me was trying to think like he was.

Ie, how would I feel if one day a bunch of people came in my house and all started using my stuff and looking in my cupboards and getting all my stuff out.

I would HATE it, and I guess that's how they feel too.
they don't have control over much. they don't own much. all they know is that those toys belong to THEM, and they don't wnat other kids messing with them

I think what you're doing is fine. just remind him that it's kind to let others play with things and distract him.
if he does get too upset then take him out to calm down, but I wouldn't leave him by himself, I would stay there and give him a hug and then take him back

constancereader Wed 06-Aug-08 21:45:20

Thanks for the words of encouragement!

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