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21mth old won't go to her dad (or anyone else!)

(9 Posts)
Molliesmum Tue 05-Aug-08 20:25:31

My 21 month old dd will not go to her dad at all if I am around. Sometimes she will not even let him touch her or shouts 'No Daddy!' if he tries to help her with something or come too close to her if I am holding her. It is really getting me down as we don't have any family living close and she basically wants me all of the time. I don't get a break from her at all. We have agreat relationship and do loads together but I sometimes think she is too close to me as she has a fit if anyone else tries to take her from me. When there is just the two of us on our own she is a different child, really happy and outgoing. I can't even consider having another baby as I think she would not cope.Does anyone have a smilar child or any advice, please help its driving me mad and also really getting dh down!X

Roskva Wed 06-Aug-08 18:07:51

My dd (just 2) is the same. I'm hoping it's just a phase, because I'm pg and due in Oct. I have found that if I force the issue and leave her with dh, she yells for a minute or two then decides that Daddy is OK really. I'm trying to persuade dh that he needs to do some of things I usually do, like bath her, dress her and play with her more often.

joh75 Thu 07-Aug-08 12:49:27

Hi Molliesmum-I went through a similar esperience with my ds at around the same age as your little girl. We too live away frm family so my ds is looked after by me the majority of the time. I remember being very concerned about it and decided that my dh needed to spend time with him alone so I picked a new activity that I thought he may like and started a routine where they go off and do it together at the weekend.

In our case it was swimming and I went along the first week to see how he liked it. He had a ball and my dh has been bringing him ever since. I am not saying this type of thing is the solution but it was a relief for me to see him happily wave me off without a backward glance. He is much more confident without me now at 2.8 so I thnk it's really a case of them gaining confidence. He still switches allegiance all the time but it's not as desperate as it was when he was younger.
We just gave into it as much as possible as I personally feel that if you push them it makes them worse-a couple of months can make a huge difference at this age..try not to worry too much.

milknosugar Thu 07-Aug-08 12:50:36

my ds went through a similar phase. cherish it while you can, atm we are going through a daddy phase and i am feeling very left out!

Chooster Thu 07-Aug-08 13:53:04

My DS1 (now 4) was exactly the same. up until he was over 3, he would cry if DH tried to take him from me or even dress him, bath him etc... and I used to long for some time to myself, especially when heavily pregnant with DS2. But now it is toally different, DS1 and DH regularly do stuff together and DS1 is more than happy although he does still ask me to do things, especially when he is tired or he wants to wind his dad up... She will definately grow out of it, and I think (in hindsight) the key is not to force her to go to him and for DH not to show that it is hurting him. In time she will come round. Dont let it stop you trying for DC2 is thats what you want. My DS1 adores his brother and surprisingly is not jealous in the slightest.

meep Thu 07-Aug-08 13:57:03

I'm going through this with dd who is 1yo! I can be sitting right next to whoever is holding her and she wails until I pick her up. DH is now getting her out of her cot in the morning so that he is the first person she sees when she wakes up and that has made things better with him.

Roskva - I have the same worry - I am due next year and am keeping my fingers crossed that dd will have got through this phase by the time the new baby arrives!

Joeymac Thu 07-Aug-08 16:41:01

We've just been through this phase (started about 20 months) and coming out the other side of it - it seemed to last for about 3 months and really upset my DH who then started to behave like DS and reject him instead. It was awful being stuck in the middle. All of this despite DS doing 4 long days a week at nursery so you'd think he'd be used to other people(perhaps that was the problem??)

Anyway I just kept telling DH it was a phase and forced him to stay in the room whatever despite DS trying to push him out. I think DH just couldn't bear the rejection and started telling me he didn't even want to come home from work as it made him feel so low - it was all really upsetting.

Gradually we got there but things are by no means perfect - DS still insists I stay in the bathroom while DH gives him a bath and won't let anyone else in the swimming pool hold him except me however whenever we leave the house he is always now saying 'daddy too' which is a good sign. I'm due with DS2 in 10 days and am still a bit concerned about how DS1 will take it as he has had several tantrums when he's seen me holding newborns recently.

TrinityRhino Thu 07-Aug-08 16:42:54

dd2 was like this from about 17 or 18 months and very bad at 21 months

but I had Gecko when she was 21 months ish and she HAD to get used to daddy taken more care of her

and now she would sell her soul to spend time with daddy

Molliesmum Sat 09-Aug-08 12:51:34

Thanks that is really helpful. Made me feel much better. She is fine with her dad when they do stuff together but when I am there she is a monkey because she just wants me all the time! Thanks Joh75 I think I will get them to do more stuff without me so they can get a better bond.Hope it passes soon! X

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