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I know we shouldn't but do you secretly compare your baby with other babies?

(20 Posts)
ILikeYourSleeves Tue 05-Aug-08 19:56:58

I think everyone must do this to an extent but it's something we never say, or maybe it's just me?!

DS (9 months) and I were out today with his wee pal who he has hung out with since birth. I met his pals mummy at antenatal class so they are only 2 weeks apart (my DS 2 weeks older). I know my DS is going to get there eventually with everything but today I couldn't help but think that his pal is so ahead in pretty much everything!

-Pal stands / crawls / walks several steps assisted and even attempts to RUN several steps.
-DS can sit well for ages on his own but makes no attempts at moving AT ALL! Doesn't roll, crawl, hates being on his front, only bears a little weight if standing in the bath (nowhere else funnily enough) and is definately nowhere near cruising or walking.

-Pal can say 'dada' really clearly
-DS says 'babababababaa' and I think is trying to say 'mama' but isn't too vocal in terms of anything recognisable

-Pal waves hello at you when you wave at him
-DS stares at me blankly when I wave at him!

I'm not really sure why I'm posting this but I guess I'm looking for some reassurance that not all babies are doing all the stuff that DS's pal is doing at 9 months. As I said, I know he'll get there eventually but I do wonder if he's lagging behind a little especially when I read what he 'should' be doing by 9 months and he's barely doing any! I feel really bad for 'comparing' as I really don't want to but I think it's only natural...?

Do you all do this or am I just weird???

Ineedsomesleep Tue 05-Aug-08 20:03:55

I thought there was something seriously wrong with DS until 2 weeks after his first birthday when he started walking.

If you are really worried ask for an appointment with your HV to check his progress.

If you aren't then just chill out.

meep Tue 05-Aug-08 20:12:16

To make you feel better:

dd (1yo):

- bum shiffles! At 9mo would sit but never moved, crawled or rolled - EVER! Feel smug - you can plonk you ds and he won't go away - you can go to the loo and get a cup of tea - he will still be there. One day he will surprise you and the moving mayhem will begin grin

- can make lots of interesting noises - I like to think some of them are daddy and mamamamama and duck duck - in reality I know they are just noises but they are better and more like communication than they were at 9mo

- still doesn't get the whole waving thing!

Out of my antenatal group - the 6 babies are all different. We have bum shufflers, crawlers, early rollers, non-movers, chatterers, walkers - all different and all at differnt rates. I have been lucky with 6 other babies to compare to as it easier to see how different they all are. It must be so much harder to compare to just one.

Your ds sounds fine - as long as he is happy and smiley then that is is the most important thing.

elkiedee Tue 05-Aug-08 20:17:46

Babies vary so much. Some very rude mums in the playground expressed surprise that ds wasn't walking at 13 months (he started a couple of weeks later I think).

hughjarssss Tue 05-Aug-08 20:25:44

My dd is 9 months and my friends dd is just turning 9 months.

Her dd can wave and say DaDa. But she doesn't crawl. Won't take any weight on her legs.

My dd claps, pulls herself along on her tummy, says baabaabaa but not Dada or mama. She sounds more like a sheep!

So all babies develop differently and I think it is natural to compare.
But don't worry you're ds will get there in his own sweet time!

hughjarssss Tue 05-Aug-08 20:26:33

My dd won't wave either!

soph28 Tue 05-Aug-08 20:32:59

It's bad enough when you compare them with friends- even worse when it's a sibling!

My ds rolled at 4mths, could spoon feed from 6mths and wave and clap, crawled at 7mths, could do about 10 animal sounds by a year and had hundreds of words by 16mths. I assumed this was all pretty average.

My dd1 did ABSOLUTELY NOTHING till she was a year old. She couldn't roll, crawl, stand or make any sound. She started bottom shuffling at a year and feeding herself.
She started walking and talking at 18mths. Now at 2 she seems fine but I was convincd there was something wrong- just goes to show how much variation there is in normal development.

hughjarssss Tue 05-Aug-08 20:35:07

Your ds was advanced at everything wasn't he soph - did that make life harder or easier?

princessglitter Tue 05-Aug-08 20:40:21

My dds are totally different too. dd1 didn't crawl till nearly 10 months and walked at 15 months. dd2 shocked me when she crawled at six months, clapping hands at seven months and is cruising at 9 months. I don't think this is evidence that dd2 will be cleverer than dd1 - they are just developing at different rates.

snickersnack Tue 05-Aug-08 20:43:29

At 9 months, ds could crawl but certainly wasn't pulling himself up or walking. He wasn't talking or saying anything beyond "da". And he certainly couldn't wave.

At 14 months, he's running around the house and waving at everything. But still not saying much other than "da" though it's amazing how much he can communicate using just that...and he's only just figured out rolling in the last couple of months!

So your ds sounds very normal to me. Some of these "milestone" lists are just crazy. I reckon both of mine are fairly average in terms of when they do stuff, but the Babycentre "At 9 months your child will be reading Tolstoy and whipping up a risotto for you" used to freak me out totally.

Also, remember that it's easy to worry about what your dcs can't do, to the point where you forget the stuff they can do that your friend's children probably can't. I remember wailing to a friend that dd wasn't potty trained and her ds was and therefore dd was clearly lagging behind, but she pointed out that dd was speaking in full sentences while her ds was only just putting two words together. Which had sort of passed me by totally, I was so focused on the nappies.

soph28 Tue 05-Aug-08 20:50:06

hughjarssss- yes looking back on it he was but at the time I really didn't think much of it! It definitely made things easier- it was always easy to communicate with him and he was able to do a lot of things himself. When I had dd1 he as only 16mths but he was very able, a good sleeper and could talk quite well. We avoided tantrums because he could communicate well. Now at 3.5yrs he is a handful tho- he has an answer to everything!

Shoegazer Tue 05-Aug-08 20:51:13

They all do it in different ways but they all get there in the end. My DD was walking confidently at 10 months but was behind speech wise. Now at 2.1 she is the more able in communication out of her peers and doesn't jump half as well as they do. Its swings and roundabouts but its natural to compare.

apostrophe Tue 05-Aug-08 21:01:35

Message withdrawn

EyeballsintheSky Tue 05-Aug-08 21:07:16

It's difficult. DD rolled at 4 months, crawled by 5 and now at 6.5 months is pulling herself up on the furniture and just starting to move around it. She's my first so I don't have much clue about this stuff but everyone comments on her. Last week at the clinic I put her on the floor so she could play with a little girl that was there and everyone was gawping at her and talking about how advanced she was. I felt like they thought I was showing her off or something though.

It makes no odds to me because, as shoegazer said, they all get there in the end but everyone seems to want to compare.

LolaLadybird Tue 05-Aug-08 22:19:28

It is so natural to compare (especially if your DC is the one that's being 'slower' at stuff ).

DD (now 3) was really late at a lot of stuff - rolled at about 8/9 mths, crawled the week she turned 1, and didn't walk until 17 months. She even teethed late - first tooth at 11 months when all her little mates had 2 or 3 teeth. Now she's 3, that's all irrelevant and I laugh at myself for every worring.

DS is 8 months and shaping up to be exactly the same - he can sit (most of the time) but certainly won't be moving anywhere for a while. I'm not concerned because I'm assuming he'll be the same as DD but it doesn't stop me comparing him to my friend's DD who is so much more mobile.

Definitely enjoy the staying put while it lasts though. When DD was 11 mths we went on holiday and had a cottage by a lake. If she'd have been moving it would have been a nightmare as we'd have been on constant high alert but as it was, we could happily leave sat her on a blanket with her toys knowing she wasn't gowing anywhere.

MogTheForgetfulCat Tue 05-Aug-08 22:29:31

My DS1 was mobile pretty early, but virtually silent 9apart from grunts) for a LONG time. Can't shut him up now! grin

My nephew talked early but didn't walk until 17 months, and his little sister is neither crawling/walking nor talking at 1. She does roll around the room, though - very inventive!

They are all so different. And I know it's hard, especially when it's your first and you're so keen for them to do everything, but as others have said, it's so great when you can put them down and they STAY there! DS2 seems quite keen to be on the move. I am not encouraging it. He'll get there anyway, just maybe a bit slower on his own <slack mummy>

AbstractMouse Tue 05-Aug-08 23:08:10

I second the sibling thing, Dd was pretty much on target for most things, rolled/crawled/walked when the development thingamajigs said she would. She talked really early, could do animal sounds/point to various parts of her body at 12 months, conversational by 2.

Ds well he's just a laid back little dude, didn't crawl until 10 months, walked at 18 months, even now at 22 months is not a man of many words although he gets his point across lol. Hiya there and uh-oh being his main phrases. he will get there in the end (hope so anyway, can't quite give up the worrying) so all in all go with your gut, comparing just causes stress IME.

mm22bys Tue 05-Aug-08 23:16:36

I have 2 DSs - DS1 sat at around 5 months, crawled at around 8 months, cruised for several months then finally started walking at around 14 or 15 months.

Once he started walking / running though I didn't have a moment's peace.

I didn't know how good I had it in both respects - he wasn't mobile too early, but he did still develop "normally".

DS2 is delayed - while he is developing "normally" he is just doing everything late, for at this stage no known cause. In some respects it makes life "easy" in that up until fairly recently he hasn't been too mobile, but he has caused us so much worry and stress (we were told today that there is no doubt he will walk, he just has to sort out his balance!).

Not sure what point I am trying to make, and maybe I shouldn't be here, but just enjoy your babies, it sounds like they are all healthy, that they don't have too major problems, and that most of them will get there eventually (it is not true that "they all will get there eventually).

Oh it is completely normal to compare, and it is not nice when babies that are nine months younger can do more than your DS!

solidgoldbrass Tue 05-Aug-08 23:22:25

Oh, everyone does it. Of course my DS is andwas the most beautiful wonderful intelligent perfect child ever (but he didn't walk till 14 months and wasn't potty trained till 3.6). They do vary. I had one HV scare me by suggesting something was wrong with DS when he was about 8 months and not sitting up by himself: she said he was 'a bit floppy' and she was going to refer us, completely ignored my protestation that he was a bit floppy just then because he had been fast asleep in his buggy till 2 minutes ago... when the referral letter came through I phoned the relevant clinic and explained that he could now sit up and crawl and they were very nice and said I only needed to keep the appointment if I was worried about hiim.

ILikeYourSleeves Wed 06-Aug-08 11:14:18

Thanks everyone for your responses! I know deep down that he is fine and he will get there eventually but it's just that feeling you get when you see or are with other babies the same age and they are doing so much more! But yes I will definately enjoy this immobile period as I can see how much work it's going to be once he is up and about grin

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