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Suddenly refusing to go to CM, very upset...Help!

(9 Posts)
wotnopulling Tue 05-Aug-08 09:51:31

DD1, who turns three in a couple of months, has been going to the same childminder for almost two years now (2 days/week). She has been very happy for all of this time, bar the usual settling in tears.
Suddenly, a couple of weeks ago she started to make a fuss at drop off and now she's at the point where she refuses to get dressed cos she 'doestn't want to go to CM' and screams and clings to dh at drop off.
The CM says she's fine once dh has gone and certainly by the time I pick her up she's happy - one day last week she didn't want to leave.
CM says nothing has changed or happened... so what is going on? I'm getting worried.

One thing we think might have something to do with it is DD2 stays with me while DD1 is at CM - DD2 is about to turn one, when she'll start at same childminder and I'll go back to work. We think DD1 might have figured out DD2 is having me to herself all day and is jealous...or just wants to be with her mum too (fair enough really). I have explained to her that in a few weeks the baby will start at CM and I'll go back to work but it's too abstract for her to take in I think - and time is pretty random in DD1's world!

Does anyone have any thoughts or similar experiences? What can I do to make DD1 happier about going to CM?

Sorry this is long!

wotnopulling Tue 05-Aug-08 10:44:18

bump

cornsilk Tue 05-Aug-08 10:45:17

It's probably just a phase. Keep sending her to CM.

wotnopulling Tue 05-Aug-08 10:54:57

yes, this is what we were thinking but she so hysterical this morning it was alarming!
i made mistake of telling her i'd phone her at lunchtime and come and get her if she was still unhappy. idiot. she won't be unhappy at all by lunchtime - until she hears my voice. aaaaaaargh. dumb mum.

samsonthecat Tue 05-Aug-08 14:48:56

Hi, I had this with DD1 at nursery drop off. She would cling to my leg and have to be removed by the staff. She was fine once I left. I think she know that DD2 was doing other fun things with me. I just kept calm and said goodbye to her, with in a few weeks she had stopped doing it.
My 2 are both happy to be left now and they go to the childminder together on my work days. On the other days DD1 does her nursery sessions and just accepts that big girls get to go to nursery and little girls have to stay with mummy.

jojo76 Tue 05-Aug-08 15:03:27

Hi, just wanted to add my experience, im a CM! I've had this and so has my sister who is also a cm quite a few times when kids get towards the age 3 mark. I don't know why it happens, but some kids just seem to suddenly become clingy and upset at drop off when previously they have been happy as larry to come in. As I say, I'm not sure why it happens...have there been new kids starting at the cm? A crying unsettled new one sometimes unsettles the others, is there a new routine or new school pick up that's affected your LO's routine? How do you/CM/Dh react to your dd when she cries? Are you cheerfully positive about going to the cm or do you think that the outbursts from dd are making you feel anxious about drop off and that she might pick up on this (i wouldnt blame you, its upsetting dropping off an upset child!!). I can see why you promised to phone and to take her home if she gets upset, but I might avoid this tactic in future, only because if she is crying because she wants to come home, you might get into a cycle of doint this every time.
It's very hard, but my advice would be to be quite matter of fact, cheerful and normal at drop off, give a quick cuddle and then hand over. I would avoid protracted goodbyes as i have found parents still sat on my sofa an hour later with this approach!! I think if you try to pay minimum attention to it it will pass. Best of luck xxxxx

jojo76 Tue 05-Aug-08 15:09:10

Oh, another suggestion! Instead of phoning at lunch time, could you put a little special treat from Mummy in her lunch box, that only Big Girls get at the Childminders? Or something similar to make her feel special for going? One of my mums used to put funny pictures and notes in her ds's lunch box and sometimes little toys like a hotwheel or something, and he used to think it was brilliant... is there something similar that might appeal to your dd? xxxxx

wotnopulling Wed 06-Aug-08 09:07:05

thanks for replies - i should have said, jojo76 that cm is brilliant and does as you suggest, cheery and full of distracting activities. dh does drop offs and he might have been lingering a wee bit as cm suggested he make it more swift
BUT wouldn't you know it,she had a great day yesterday and was really happy when i went to pick her up - full of what a good day she'd had and this morning - straight in without a backward glance!

just as i was getting worried! honestly...grin
thanks again for taking time to reply - will store up ideas for next time it happens!

jojo76 Wed 06-Aug-08 15:32:47

oh good, probably just a phase that's passed then! Really pleased it's all worked out ok smile

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