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DS1 seems full of self hate. I am really worried about him.

(9 Posts)
Pinkchampagne Sun 03-Aug-08 22:31:10

He is nearly 9, but has problems (he is being assessed, but no dx yet), so stands out amongst his peers at school. He finds socialising very difficult, will sit alone with his hands in some soil while other boys play football etc. He is also pretty immature compared to others his age, and finds writing & concentration difficult.
There are certain children in his class that have said unkind things to him, which upset him, but I had a word with the teacher straight away & she had a general word with the class.

This evening he was sitting playing on the computer, then suddenly said "I bet you're glad you're not my age aren't you mummy?"
He then went on to say he wished he didn't exist, that everyone hates him, that he hates himself, hates his hair etc.
I tried to reassure him that lots of people like him, that we all love him to bits, that he is a very handsome boy (he is), and that everyone will have a few people who don't like them, but not to worry too much as our friends & the people who do like us are more important.

It upset me to hear him talking so negativly about himself, and I don't know what we can do to help his self esteem.sad

Pinkchampagne Sun 03-Aug-08 22:32:34

I separated from his dad just over a year back, so not sure if that has contributed to all this.

Doodle2U Sun 03-Aug-08 22:33:18

Bless him.

Sounds like you said all the right things.

I guess all you can do is keep bolstering his self esteem and maybe get other members of the family to shower some extra praise on him.

Pinkchampagne Sun 03-Aug-08 22:40:18

It's so hard to hear him say such negative things about himself.sad School queried depression a while back, but thought he seemed a lot better.

onwardandupward Mon 04-Aug-08 11:01:33

Questions to ask:

Does he enjoy being at school? [if not, maybe consider HEing for a trial period. A lot of people who don't fit into school for whatever reason end up being happy as sandboys being HEed]

Is there anything in the way you and his father interact which you could alter which would help him?

deepinlaundry Mon 04-Aug-08 11:18:44

Do you have a referral service via the school?
I asked for emotional support for my dd ( similar situation) and she has been referred for September. I'm not even sure at this stage what it entails, but sometimes you need a bit of support to work out what is going on . A heartbreaking post, so sad for you, I have tears in my eyes .

Pinkchampagne Mon 04-Aug-08 11:37:24

I am still on friedly terms with his father, and will discuss any issues involving the children, that are concerning me.

I work in the school, so couldn't do HEing. I do talk to the SENCO a lot. She was concerned about him earlier in the year when he mentioned jumping off buildings, but I put this down to him being into spiderman at the time. They said he seemed better in himself recently, but clearly he isn't. I will be talking to her as soon as he returns to school.

cyteen Mon 04-Aug-08 11:41:16

No advice from me, but just wanted to say that it's good that he feels able to talk to you about it. I was a deeply self-loathing child but never felt able to vocalise, instead it came out as extremely defensive/aggressive behaviour which everyone thought was overconfidence. I've had persistent problems with self-hatred and self-expression over the years, so the fact that you and he can talk so openly is IMO really good. Just keep talking

Pinkchampagne Wed 06-Aug-08 10:38:48

He has been very testing with his behaviour at home, and is prone to anger outbursts.
The evening after starting this thread, he started getting very distressed & angry at the thought of me never living with his daddy again. I think I need some kind of help here.sad

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