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Does anyone else have a child who incessantly whinges/cries?

(22 Posts)
snooks Thu 31-Jul-08 15:08:21

I have thought about starting this thread many times. Ds2 is 2.2 and has whinged constantly since birth. He had reflux as a baby which gradually got better and went completely by the age of one. So I thought he would become a happier child but no, he is still the same.

He can and does play by himself with cars/trains etc but often he has been playing for 5 mins and suddenly starts crying or making whingy noises and I look at him and he's just sitting there making the noises for no obvious reason.

I make a conscious effort to spend one to one time with him when ds1 (3.10) is at preschool but his temperament doesn't really alter. He's a very cuddly boy, loves kisses, more than ds1 so we always cuddle him lots.

I keep looking for excuses as to why he seems so unhappy - he is always touching and pulling at his ears, the gp diagnosed a buildup of wax which has been treated but he's still at his ears a lot - habit? Tiredness? Teething? Maybe any of the above I suppose but constantly???

He has very few words, the only clear ones are yes/no and 'door'. The HV thinks his speech is OK but says that we will refer to SALT if no improvement by September. Yesterday I tried to put his new shoes on him but he kicked off (quite normal for his age, I don't dispute that) and was saying "other shoes" but it comes out as " orr soos" - ie only I would understand him and only then when it's in context. So I wonder if it's frustration? As I said I keep feeling like there's always an excuse for him being like this.

I worry that there is something actually wrong with him because he cries and whinges so much of the time. Am I doing anything wrong? Does anyone else have a child who seems unhappy like this? sad

snooks Thu 31-Jul-08 15:26:17

please, is it really just me? I know in the scheme of things it's not serious but I get so worn down by him being like this.

tokentotty Thu 31-Jul-08 15:30:46

I could very, very easily be way off here but you sound quite concerned so I didn't want you to go unanswered. to be honest, to me he sounds tired. My little baby was like this and it was really getting me down. then a friend was telling me about the sleeping pattern she'd got her daughter who was a couple of months older and it was giving her more sleep. I tried it, and immediately the moaning stopped. Also, as soon as my son is tired he starts playing with his ears. It's a classic sign of tiredness. There was a book my friend took her ideas from but I'm afraid I cannot for the life of me remember the bloomin' name at the moment. I can look it up tonight possibly ?

snooks Thu 31-Jul-08 15:38:32

thanks tokentotty, yes he is a different child when he's had plenty of sleep. Unfortunately getting him to sleep later than 6am is a struggle (he's usually up 5.30 and always has been, even though you can tell he's still tired) and he often wakes in the night too. Altho' he has no trouble going to bed at all.

We've tried black-out blinds etc, a nightlight, door open/closed but he's still the same. He dropped his daytime nap a few mths ago shock but tbh I didn't mind because when he woke from his nap he would cry inconsolably for best part of an hour... so instead he whinges round the house all afternoon. Do you really think more sleep would change his personality? He just seems so unhappy so much of the time. (Hope you remember the name of the book).

Phil75 Thu 31-Jul-08 15:39:05

Snooks - I really sympathise with you as my DS1 was the same and by contrast DS2 is really contented and chilled, so I know that it's not an all-boy thing or solely my parenting. I spend ages analysing why he's been like it (he's considerably better now at nearly 4, but still quite moany) and I really have concluded that some children are just like that. I do feel that as he was my first I over-indulged him with the cuddles and reacted to quickly to his cries and whinges but I don't think it can all be attributed to that.

I don't really have any advice but can reassure you they do get better! It's so draining trying to keep positive in the face of such negativity. I have found he really benefits from a strict routine and lots of predictability.

As for your speech worries, it's probably fine, but equally, delayed speech is amazingly common in boys and does definitely make them frustrated. My friend's DS and my brother's were the same and calmed down a lot once they got past it (which they did by school).

Good luck to you and hope others will offer you some more solid suggestions. But you're not alone!

Phil75 Thu 31-Jul-08 15:41:53

I agree with Tokentotty... we've always had issues with sleep and lack of it with DS1 and he definitely got better once we'd sorted out a better routine and once he no longer needed a daytime sleep.

snooks Thu 31-Jul-08 15:47:30

Thank you Phil75, it's good to know that things can improve! Ds1 was certainly not an easy baby/toddler ie terrible sleeper, clingy, fussy eater (I could go on) but compared to ds2 he was a walk in the park!

That's another thing, when we go to the park he's ok for 10 mins then wants to leave and gets so worked up so incredibly fast into a temper I can't do anything with him (he is IMPOSSIBLE to distract and I know lots of tricks). It's the same when we go to a friend's house to play. He seems to go from happy to sad/upset in the blink of an eye and you just can't sway him from what he wants. He is so tiring. I feel like in my head I've already labelled him my "difficult middle child" (dd3 is 3 mths) sad

tokentotty Thu 31-Jul-08 16:04:22

Got it !!!

Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child. By Dr Marc Weissbluth.

www.amazon.co.uk/s/ref=nb_ss_w_h_/202-3485642-3127034?url=search-alias%3Daps&field-keywords=Healthy+ sleep+habits%2C+happy+child&x=20&y=17

snooks Thu 31-Jul-08 16:20:40

oh thanks so much tt, do you the approach or techniques in the book would help him, ie he has no problems at all actually going to sleep at night (lies down after milk, tosses and turns, gets comfy then drops off - no crying) but often wakes in the night needing a drink or comforting, but the real problem is he wants to get up so blinkin' early, often 5ish or soon after and the daft thing is that he's grumpy and exhausted even first thing and you just think "why don't you just stay asleep...."

tokentotty Thu 31-Jul-08 16:25:10

did you see that thread yesterday regarding the 'wake to sleep' theory ?? I'd never heard of it but the mnetters talking about it seemed rather positive about the effect it had on early risers.

what sort of time does he get to bed/sleep ?

snooks Thu 31-Jul-08 16:27:59

i didn't see that particular thread but we did try the 'wake to sleep' thing about 8 months ago or so (read about it on here!) and it seemed to work - at first, then just went back to normal....

he's asleep usually by 7 if not before because he's so bloomin' tired.

tokentotty Thu 31-Jul-08 16:35:22

Maybe try doing it again as they go through such changing phases don't they ? I'm afraid I have nothing else to offer you ! My lo is only 11 months and I spend my time grabbing tips and suggestions from friends. The friend the sleep book comes from is marvellous with that sort of thing and always seems to have very sage advice.

snooks Thu 31-Jul-08 16:38:52

Maybe we should try it again. I just feel bogged down and fed up of it, I've become very moany myself, feel like I'm in a rut with him.

So I s'pose he's prob just a whingy-type child a bit anyway but if his sleep was better he wouldn't be as bad.... just thinking aloud here...he is playing with trains and ds1 at the mo and yawning at the same time.... sigh

maidamess Thu 31-Jul-08 16:41:14

My ds (5) is the king of the whingers. Everytime he opens his mouth (in company, not when alone) he whiges. he's realise dit gets him attention, usually negatively!

We are trying to wean him off it but its soooo hard. Drives me insane!

I end up saying "DON'T SAY ANYTHING UNLESS ITS IN A HAPPY VOICE!!!!"

snooks Thu 31-Jul-08 16:41:41

thanks tt, you've been v. kind. I'm going past the library tomorrow so will see if they can order the book for me, I usually try books out that way these days before I buy them (after buying every child devt book going with ds1 hmm).

maidamess Thu 31-Jul-08 16:42:26

He's moaning now. I've just made them hot chocolate (yes I know its 30 degrees but they wanted it) and now he's moaning
"Muuuuummm, this has made me boiling"

snooks Thu 31-Jul-08 16:44:41

maidamess has he always been like that?

ds2 is a victor meldrew in the making. yes it drives me insane! because he can't talk properly yet he 'asks' for things not with words but by making a whinging/crying noise. I feel so sorry for him and try to help him but inside I get so frustrated and fed up and angry with the BLOODY NOISE. Then feel guilty of course.

maidamess Thu 31-Jul-08 17:08:20

His whinging came to the fore in the last couple of years. He was always really happy before then .

Then I think he realised to get some action/attention in competition with his brother and sister he has adopted this approach.

Every day its 'My foot hurts' 'I didn't want jam I wanted marmalade'(After he's asked for jam)

I'm a pretty positive person but I find his constant moaning so hard to take. The I get into the viscious circle you talked of, the crosser I get, the more he whinges.

snooks Thu 31-Jul-08 17:32:19

Know what you mean about getting attention. When ds1 takes a toy or something from him rather than try and get it back he'll just make a lot of noise because he knows I'll come and intervene on his behalf, maybe that's his age though, I can't remember what ds1 was like at that age.

2boys2 Mon 04-Aug-08 19:47:20

i cant find the thread "wake to sleep". Really want to read it as my ds2 16mths is exactly the same. up at 5am, wingy, up during the night. could someone do a link 4 me please

forevared Tue 05-Aug-08 13:12:46

Snooks, my ds1 is a bit like this. Whinges and whines a lot, and asks for things in a whiney voice which drives me up the wall. I think some kids are just like this, ds1 was always a serious baby and now even when you're playing tickling games or roughhousing with him he starts out laughing and then even that descends into a whiney laugh.

I do my best not to give in and reprimand him kindly about it rather than tell him off but I do sometimes get to the point where I end up getting cross with him. Usually I'll tell him he won't get what he wants if he asks in that voice and eventually he'll stop and ask normally. If things escalate I tell him I'll count to 10 and if he's still whining he can spend some time alone in his room. This usually works because despite it all he's quite a sociable child.

I do find when he's tired it gets worse though so I have a low tolerance threshold in the evening and whisk him off to bed early if need be. He seems to actually appreciate it as he couldn't possibly bring himself to admit he's tired and wants to go to bed.

I don't know if any of this helps but please realise you're not alone.

cleversprout Tue 05-Aug-08 13:27:00

I do think you get kids who just have a grumpy kind of personality. My dd (now 7) was always very hard work. No matter what I did she complained. Now she knows socially what is expected and tends not to maon so much, although she does make fake positive comments all the time which is just as annoying!

Apparently my dh was just the same (can you blame yours?). We now have the mantra "all windy, all rainy" when someone starts moaning, after one of MIL's stories about some particularly moany picnic from dh's childhood!

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