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DS is 2.3yo terrible 2's setting in. I havent screamed 'yet' but he's really pushing me!

(8 Posts)
Volkl Wed 30-Jul-08 09:23:23

This behaviour started last week when he threw his meal across the room because i told him that Buzz Lightyear didnt want any of DS's tea and that he should sit and watch.

We tidied it all up, DS cried and we carried on. (Didnt offer DS any more food)

At the weekend he punched a large mayonnaise jar out of my hand and it smashed into a zillion pieces on the hard kitchen floor. I think i was in such shock (and concerned because i could feel blood dripping down my leg from the glass! angry) i didnt say anything,do anything just stood there silent. I then calmly asked DS to go in the lounge so i could clean up.

And finally yesterday DS was playing with his train and getting very upset because it kept falling off the tracks. I told him that the train was tired and we should let him have a rest, and whilst he was resting DS can have his tea. Before i had chance to think DS ran off into the kitchen picked up his plate and threw his food all over the floor. Again i did nothing, i was just shocked into silence at his anger. DS knew instantly he had done wrong and cried.

After it was tidied up he wanted more to eat, and i told him no because he'd thrown it on the floor earlier. But then a little later i gave him some toast because he kept saying he was hungry. I feel that this may be wrong but just dont know what to do.

Should i shout when he does this?
Should i give him another tea even though he lobbed the last one all over the kitchen?
I'm really struggling with this stage and i'm actually amazed at my own behaviour by not shouting or screaming etc.

any suggestions would be brilliant.. i'm feeling a bit lost.

ThatBigGermanPrison Wed 30-Jul-08 09:30:15

I wouldn't starve a 2 year old. They don't understand the consequences of what they do while they do it - and hungry 2 year olds are bad tempered two year old.

He doesn't know the properties of glass - would have been so angry about the jar if it had been a toy? he didn't know what would happen.

Food seems to be becoming an issue with your ds - can you hold off on mealtimes until he's really hungry, and take it away when he seems not to want it any more?

ie -if you normally serve lunch at half past 12, dish it up at half past one instead, and when he stops eating, end the meal without argument or coaxing him to eat more.

The only answer as to why he behaves like this is - it's age and stage, and he will just grow out of it. You will reach a magical day when you say "no" and he stops.

RoRoMommy Wed 30-Jul-08 09:36:42

My DS is only 16 months, but I was talking to my friend with a DS the same age and she's reading a toddler book. She told me something that I hope will make it easier for me to hold my temper when my DS gets to that stage...when they're 2-3 they don't have any control over their impulses, and they're very willful and frustrated at the same time that they cannot express their will (because we say no because it's too dangerous, or because they don't have the physical ability). She said that the book suggests that you tell your LO that you don't like what they've done, and why, but that you shouldn't show that you're angry or upset (i.e., shouting, screaming, hitting or punishment) because then your moods will seem very unpredictable to them and they'll likely get insecure (e.g., they have no control over their impulses, so cannot plan for or expect what's happened, so if you're getting upset at these times, they'll be confused because they couldn't have predicted it, iyswim).

I hope that's helpful. I think what I will try to do is get on his level, tell him why I am disappointed with what he's done, tell him the better way to be/do, etc., and try to avoid tantrum set-offs, like fatigue, hunger, etc. Good luck!

RoRoMommy Wed 30-Jul-08 09:36:43

My DS is only 16 months, but I was talking to my friend with a DS the same age and she's reading a toddler book. She told me something that I hope will make it easier for me to hold my temper when my DS gets to that stage...when they're 2-3 they don't have any control over their impulses, and they're very willful and frustrated at the same time that they cannot express their will (because we say no because it's too dangerous, or because they don't have the physical ability). She said that the book suggests that you tell your LO that you don't like what they've done, and why, but that you shouldn't show that you're angry or upset (i.e., shouting, screaming, hitting or punishment) because then your moods will seem very unpredictable to them and they'll likely get insecure (e.g., they have no control over their impulses, so cannot plan for or expect what's happened, so if you're getting upset at these times, they'll be confused because they couldn't have predicted it, iyswim).

I hope that's helpful. I think what I will try to do is get on his level, tell him why I am disappointed with what he's done, tell him the better way to be/do, etc., and try to avoid tantrum set-offs, like fatigue, hunger, etc. Good luck!

Volkl Wed 30-Jul-08 10:27:41

I havent shouted at him for any of these things, this was my point. I have said nothing to him, usually i just say 'thats not the right thing to do now is it', then ask him to go into another room so i can tidy up.

Its also not just about food, he throws things, kicks, hits just anything right now, its just that the food is a hard one to sort out. I dont want him to know that he can do this then get another meal straight after, usually something different, thats why i havent offered him any more.

I dont know where to turn, i have waited until later to feed him, but he just gets really vile asking for other food (cheese, fruit etc) he wont give in. By the time the food is ready he has usally lost the plot completely and throws another strop. Whatever i do is wrong and family keep saying "oh well he's fine when he's with us" - that REALLY makes me feel better - sad

ThatBigGermanPrison Wed 30-Jul-08 10:49:30

He's badly behaved with you because he trusts you utterly not to hurt him. Feel better?grin

he has to push it with someone.

Make a bit of extra dinner and dish that up when he asks for food - totally see your point about not letting him throw food to get something different.

Or, sit next to him and simply hold the plate down, or hand over one piece of food, one loaded fork at a time. he'll only be able to throw that bit then

RoRoMommy Wed 30-Jul-08 11:41:11

I wasn't trying to suggest that you do shout at him now, I understand that you don't and I think you're taking the right approach. I wonder if he's not throwing the food in order to get something different, or even because he's not hungry, but rather just because he wants to throw something and that happens to be close at hand.

I would offer him something to eat when he asks, because hunger is one of the top tantrum-starters. At least then you won't have to deal with the strop from his having to beg for food. He is not trying to get something different by throwing his food--he doesn't have the mental capacity to know that an action (throwing his food) will have consequences (getting something different), and he won't have until he's three.

Good luck!

HonoriaGlossop Wed 30-Jul-08 12:41:45

I think you sound admirably calm and your natural instinct not to shout etc will be a godsend through this phase smile

Agree with TBGP that he WILL test boundaries more with you than anyone else; it's not a reflection on your parenting abilities

I think you did exactly right with the meal - no, he doesn't throw one on the floor then immediately get another, but yes he can have something boring like toast as you don't want a ravenous toddler roaming round the house <shudder>

At this stage what worked for me was consequences that are immediate, and related to the 'crime' exactly as you did with the meal. And remembering to move on as soon as he consequence is over - don't labour on the point or go on about it, they can't process that after the event really.

I think you are doing great!

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