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Behaviour/development

4 year old is so jealous of little brother - it is driving me crazy!!!!!!!!!!!!! Help!!!!

7 replies

childrenknowyourlimits · 29/07/2008 20:43

My 3 yr old (4 in a few weeks) little cherub seems to be so insanely jealous of his little brother (just turned 2). His behaviour is driving me up the wall! He is so lovely when he is on his own or has my undivided attention but that is not possible all of the time. Whenever I turn my back he is doing all sorts of things to hurt/upset little bro. Taking toys, teasing him, hitting, pushing, pulling, generally winding him up. It is so draining and I am so exhausted from trying to deal with his behaviour that I often can't wait for his bedtime. Little one also has a very loud ear-piercing scream which doesn't help. Any advice welcome. I would really love to say I am enjoying being with them but quite frankly I am not
DS starts school in Sept and I know that the time goes too quickly etc etc and I should be making the most of this time but it is so hard at the moment that I can't wait for September!

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NotQuiteCockney · 29/07/2008 20:44

It is hard. It's frustrating and difficult.

That being said, your DS1's behaviour is pretty normal - imagine if your DH/DP brought home a new, younger wife, and said 'oh, hey, I love you both the same, here's my new wife, you two will get along great'.

I really strongly recommend Siblings Without Rivalry.

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BubblingUnder · 29/07/2008 23:29

Oh dear i wish i was offering advice rather than just sympathy. I just logged onto mumsnet to post a message along these lines, but i read yours instead.

My 3 yr old DD is furious about the arrival of 8m old DS. No actual physical violence yet, but she has become so obsessed with protecting her possessions from him that she now seems unable to enjoy anything. -Spends all her time stashing things (toys, shoes, bit of shiny paper, anything) in fortress like mounds in corners. If DS so much as glances in the direction of anything of hers she shouts at him and frantically grabs things away from him.

I feel really desperate about it as she was the most joyful, enthusiastic little person who was just beginning to conquer the Great Sharing Issue before his arrival and i feel i have destroyed that joy by failing to deal with this better. Meanwhile i fear my DS is learning that the people you are close to (and he adores her) will aggressively reject you.

I absolutely agree with you NQCockney that is is unsurprising that this happens, but that doesn't make it bearable: I hear people blithely laughing this issue off, but i feel like my heart is breaking. -How do you cope when one person you love hates another?

So sorry to have rambled and ranted. Basically just wanted to say I know how you feel ChildrenKYL

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NotQuiteCockney · 30/07/2008 07:30

Please do try Siblings Without Rivalry, it's a very good book, and gives you lots of concrete techniques to deal with this. I've found it (and How to Talk so Kids will Listen, and Listen so Kids will Talk, by the same folk) very very useful.

BU, does your DD go to playgroup or anything like that, so she has an environment that's hers, not her brother's?

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childrenknowyourlimits · 30/07/2008 20:44

Thank you for your messages. I will definitely look up that book. I will try anything!!

Bubbling Under - I really really know what you are going through. It is so tough isn't it?! When my DS2 was 8 months old I used to put him in a travel cot in the lounge quite a bit for a couple of reasons. 1) it was for his own protection! and 2) it gave me a chance to spend "special time" with DS2 without DS1 being in his space. Perhaps you already do this anyway. Perhaps you should ignore me. I am hardly in the best place for dishing out advice !!!

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BroccoliSpears · 30/07/2008 21:17

NQC - what age would you recomment SWR for? My 2.3 year old is furious about the arrival of her 3 month old brother. Too young?

Am currently reading HTTSYKWLetc and really finding it useful.

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BubblingUnder · 02/08/2008 01:23

Sorry for slow reply -not been at the computer.
NQC how did you guess? -No DD not at nursery yet (you don't know us do you..?) Due to start soon though and i'm praying that it will help.
Thanks for the book tip. -I will definately take a look.
CKYL I appreciate the advice. I definately don't make enough 'special time' for DD. Difficult as DS in the grip of massive separation anxiety, but it has to be done. Let's hope that you and i both find some respite when Spetember rolls around .