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Those of you with boys - how much do you protect them?

(71 Posts)
ks Wed 09-Feb-05 09:33:11

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ks Wed 09-Feb-05 09:33:56

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KatieinSpain Wed 09-Feb-05 09:38:51

Me, too . DS1 is nearly 3 and I feel my hackles rise when things don't go his way. DS2 seems to find life easier and has DS1 too, on his side. For me, it's because DS1 is my first and the one I learn through. The other thing is they are still very little and why shouldn't they have us there, helping out. If I am still doing it at 18, then I definitely have a problem .

ssd Wed 09-Feb-05 09:40:45

It's a hard one this! I think what you've done is correct and as time goes on your son will gain greater confidence when asking his teacher for something!

My ds1 is exactly the same. When I asked him if he enjoyed gym class at school yesterday, he said he didn't go to it ??
Then he explained as he dressed himself yesterday he forgot to put on his pants and he didn't want to change infront of everyone without pants, so instead of explaining this to his teacher he lied and said he was feeling sick and spent the half hour in the sick bay instead of doing gym, which is his most favourite activity at school!!!
He is 6 BTW.

ks Wed 09-Feb-05 09:40:54

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jolou1 Wed 09-Feb-05 09:44:09

I try not to dive in too quickly, but I get so upset on DS's behalf if I see him at a disadvantage. He's big for his age (3.6) but very gentle, and isn't one to fight back if he gets picked on. At one party recently he was pushed about and bitten by another boy and I'm afraid I whispered to him to him that if it happened again, he should whack him back. Wrong I know, but I just wanted to try and empower him a bit because the thought that he might be bullied breaks my heart. Is just mummies and boys? I love my pair to distraction and want to stop any harm coming to them, but I know I have to loosen the apron strings!

jabberwocky Wed 09-Feb-05 09:52:43

DS is only 18 months and already I see that it's going to be hard not to rush in at every altercation. We were at a party recently and I saw a 3 year old who is known for hitting, biting, etc. chasing him. I immediately took off like I was on fire to see what was going on . Turns out nothing really (yet) but my heart was pounding thinking about it. Of course, dh immediately let me know I was "overreacting"...

ks Wed 09-Feb-05 09:53:49

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ks Wed 09-Feb-05 09:54:59

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nasa Wed 09-Feb-05 09:55:31

ah ssd - that's so sweet.
It's hard isn't it ks - my DS is 3.4 and he's quite quiet and a sensitive little soul! at nursery he plays with the girls and stays away from the "shouty boys". He's also very reserved; if another child takes something off him or pushes him he gets upset - doesn't really fight back. I worry what he'll be like at school and there is a bit of me that knows he'll have to learn to stand up for himself a bit more - it's heartbreaking though isn't it.

jabberwocky Wed 09-Feb-05 09:55:33

LOL ks! Good for you!!!

nasa Wed 09-Feb-05 09:56:55

Girls seem more resiliant somehow but I'm not sure what I've based this wild generalisation on! probably the girls of DS's age that I know. OF course I also know very forthright, boisterous boys too.

fairyfly Wed 09-Feb-05 09:59:28

Yes, i spent most of the evening on the phone to parents of another two boys. They had been fighting at school. I was told to leave it but absolutely no way on this earth my child was going back in until i had got to the bottom of it. I then told the school this morning that i want playtime observed closer before my son gets knocked out.
I know his father would have said don't get nvolved or he will look like mummy's boy and he has to learn to defend himself.

nasa Wed 09-Feb-05 10:00:15

would be interested to hear Coddy's view - as she has 3

iota Wed 09-Feb-05 10:02:00

Can't comment on the boy v girl thing as have two boys.

However, when ds1 was young I was like a tigress trying to protect him at playgroup etc and hovering at the bottom of the slide and so on.
Then ds2 turned up and suddenly I have 2 small boys arguing, screaming, fighting etc etc.

It makes you much more laid back about altercations with other children, things you consider dangerous and yes I'm defintely less protective now

ks Wed 09-Feb-05 10:03:58

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fairyfly Wed 09-Feb-05 10:04:45

My second boy is very tough and will not tolerate anyone messing with my eldest. I love the way they stick up for each other now. Dreading what they will be like together at school, its open plan and only small, so hopefully they will refrain from wrestling in the playground.

Tessiebear Wed 09-Feb-05 10:05:08

That is JUST what i would do with my 7yr old KS. As he is quite sensitive i tend to be overprotective with him. If i catch another boy being nasty to DS1 when i am around - i have found myself getting quite cross with the other child!

ks Wed 09-Feb-05 10:07:14

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TinyGang Wed 09-Feb-05 10:09:18

My ds is 3 yrs and is such a sweet, gentle little man. Of course I would steam in and protect him! (nothing too awful has happened so far) but I would suss out whether whatever it was about required the full guns blazing treatment straight off, or whether I should build up to that - deep breaths .

I think children need to know you'll always be there to back them up; that in itself can give them confidence. If they need some intervention from you in a situation they don't seem to be handling too well, that's fine and wouldn't necessarily mean they would always come to rely on you for everything. Sometimes you can give them strategies to cope with things and then get involved if that doesn't seem to be working.

Why just boys though? I'm the same with my girls too

Tessiebear Wed 09-Feb-05 10:09:58

I have really amazed myself at my ability to "Tell off" another child who has wronged my son!!! - Only if their parents have been out of ear shot though!!!!

TinyGang Wed 09-Feb-05 10:23:20

Just to add - I don't think girls are more resiliant than boys, just that some people (male of female) are more resiliant than others.

NotQuiteCockney Wed 09-Feb-05 10:31:11

My DS (3y4m) is very resiliant, and I tend to just leave him be when he's playing. I keep a bit of an eye out if much bigger kids are involved (but only for a bit, until I am reassured that they're nice kids), but if they're all the same size, I don't bother, much. I know he'll shout if someone bites or hits him (but not hit back - I don't want him to).

So I don't think it's a gender thing.

Oh, and I tell of other people's kids even if the parents are in ear shot, I don't care. I'm always polite to kids, and parents can't always spot everything - I'd expect them to do the same if DS1 did something horrid or stupid.

Jimjams Wed 09-Feb-05 10:31:36

Agree with iota- I'm much less protective of any of my kids since having 2 children (and poor old ds3 is already bundled in with everything) even though ds1 needs more protecting than most.

Was very noticeable this weekend when sil was down wiith her first (6 months). I think they were perhaps shocked at how much ds3 (4 weeks) has to just get on with it.

Moomina Wed 09-Feb-05 10:33:38

There was a vile brat of about 5/6 years old chucking balls at ds and some other toddlers at soft play the other week (in the toddler area as well ). His mother was of course over the other side of the room slurping coffee and gassing with her mates, so I went over to the brat and fiercely (but calmly!) told him to stop or there was going to be big trouble . It worked!

Felt a bit bad afterwards but the instinct to protect them is so strong. And I have a feeling that it is different for mothers and sons, don't know why though.

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