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At what age can you expect your LO to understand what you're saying (even if they don't obey!) - i'm finding 13 months old DD v hard work!

(10 Posts)
PeppermintPatty Thu 24-Jul-08 15:02:20

ARGH DD is driving me crazy ATM.
She definitely knows what she wants, but obviously she can't always get it.
And she really doesn't understand if I try to explain / reason with her.
She wants to walk, but will not hold my hand. If I put reins on her she has a tantrum and throws herself on the floor. She doesn't want to go in her buggy.
If I say "DD it's either the buggy or reins, what's it going to be?" she just doesn't get it.
Also if I say "If you sit in your buggy you can have a banana / toy to play with" - she doesn't understand, so I can't even bribe her!!! She has no concept of 'if you do this then that will happen' (cause and effect???), with regards to behaviour.

So lots of screaming and flailing around and lots of me pinning her to the buggy whilst I try to strap her in. SO frustrating sad

Similar sort of thing at mealtimes too.

When will she understand what I'm saying (even if she doesn't obey)?

Also she is moving up into 1-2 year old room at nursery soon and the nursery manager told me to explain to DD what was going to happen.

I will TRY, but I don't thing she has any concept of 'the future' its all very much living in the moment with her ATM. Should she understand at this age?

Anna8888 Thu 24-Jul-08 15:04:20

LOL you are expecting a lot of understanding of a 13 month old, but you are absolutely right to talk to her in this way - she just won't "get it" quite yet.

It will get better. Try distracting her and making her laugh while getting her in the buggy.

PeppermintPatty Thu 24-Jul-08 15:11:50

I do try to distract her, but quite often she is too consumed with rage to even notice!

I try to stay as calm as poosible too. But am usually just v embarrassed, if we're in public everyone stares at me like and the most evil mother ever blush

When can I expect her to understand me (approximately)?

Anna8888 Thu 24-Jul-08 15:18:45

My DD is 3.8 and to be honest I can't remember when she started understanding verbal instructions.

However, she has always been quite cooperative about doing things with me - at 12 months she would help me with housework etc as long as she felt she was being treated as an equal participant in the task.

To get her in the buggy, I would get all cheerful and say "Let's go and choose Papa a lovely surprise for supper at the shops" - she always bought into the idea of us doing things together. No good giving her orders even now.

SciFiFan Thu 24-Jul-08 15:21:01

Hi PP sorry to hear you're struggling with your LO.

I remember having similar problems with my DS1. Reins used to turn him into a human handbag.

The only thing to do is shoehorn them into the buggy until they learn to either walk with you or get used to the reins.

Re when they get better with the understanding mine were more clued up around 18 months. By then my DS2 definately understood most of what I was saying even if he couldn't respond.

Now he's 28 months he still wants his own way and doesn't want to do what I say but now he's more vocal about it.

Just grit your teeth and don't give in otherwise it'll just get worse.

Bramshott Thu 24-Jul-08 15:24:40

DD2 is 16 months, and although she understands a lot, she is too young to be reasoned with. Your DD probably understands a lot too.

I just pick her up and take her where we need to go, and then distract with toy / food as necessary. So in town this morning, she really didn't want to go back in her buggy but I picked her up, strapped her in and gave her a biscuit which stopped the screaming temporarily.

1 & 2 yr olds scream a lot, especially when out, and you have to develop a thick skin for it!

I'd say there's no harm in explaining what's going to happen, but expecting her to make reasoned choices is probably a step too far!

MummyToOneForNow Thu 24-Jul-08 15:50:14

My dd was understanding a lot more by 17/18 mths - now I can explain something that is going to happen and she understands (whether or not she likes it) e.g. if I say we're going to the library she pulls her pushchair out from against the wall and goes to get her library books. If I give her a choice between two things she can see e.g. socks she will choose one - offered a choice between two things when she wants both e.g. food items she will get upset if she can't have both. No reasoning yet but definitely understanding - if I need her to do something she doesn't want to I just pick her up and distract her.

woodstock3 Sat 26-Jul-08 20:25:54

my ds is same age and he can understand a simple command (can you get a book to read) but he couldn't understand a cause and effect argument, or a two step thing (like, we have to get into the puschair to go to the library).
i still talk to him like this because who knows how much goes in, but i dont expect him to UNDERSTAND this much. at this age they just have to accept that, hey, we're going in the buggy now and that's that.
tho i do find it easier when its something he isn't going to want to do, like lie down to have his nappy changed, to introduce the idea well in advance. eg you say cheerily "we're going to change your nappy now"a minute or two before we do it. then chunter on about something else like where we're going, which may or may not go over his head. then stand him next to the changing mat while i get his stuff together and he fossicks about. then say 'ok, we're going to change your nappy now' and dump him on the mat and do it asap, protesting if necessary. he doesn't necessarily like it, but he likes it more if he's had time to get used to the idea - someone said to me imagine you were in the middle of something absorbing and some giant hand just descended on you and said 'right, you're now going to the shops' - even if you like shopping, you'd be pissed off at being interrupted.

noonki Sat 26-Jul-08 20:43:50

My DS is 14 months I sympathise as it can be really frustatrating but I think you are expecting too much

My does NOT understand:

choices (buggy or reins)
future bribery (if you do this you will get this)

but does understand:

simple instructions (give me your toy)
what we are doing now (going up to bed...into bed)
good association - (going in buggy equates getting toy/milk/grape etc or me talking nicely)

I agree with woodstock3 that geting them used to the idea of what is coming next is good on lots of levels - as it helps create that connection between present and future

Also the tantrums will only get worse ( I also have a 2.8 year old) but if you can don't react to them and try and steer them off whenever possible !

LookattheLottie Sat 26-Jul-08 21:13:00

It's very frustrating at this stage, but I'm sorry to say, I think you're expecting too much from such a young baby. At 13 months, don't forget that that is what she is still, a baby. She doesn't understand reason or logic. She can't communicate very well so it's very frustrating for her as well as you. My dd is 14 months so I get how difficult it can be and quite often I find myself going 'no no no no no, dd over there!' - she doesn't always get it! But I shouldn't expect her to lol.

My dd does 'get' some things, like:

* She knows what 'no' means.
* She can help me with certain things, e.g. she can get the washing out the washing machine for me when I'm hanging it out.
* She'll get/give me an object if I point at it and ask nicely.
* If she does something bad to somebody, I ask her to say sorry to the person in question, she then goes over and snuggles into them and gives them a kiss. Example, she headbutted the dog earlier, I told her to say sorry and she did the above.
* If I tell her to 'come here' she will.
* If I ask her for a cuddle/kiss she will come to me for one.
* If I ask her to hold my hand she will.
* She knows to sit/stand up when I say.

Just simple things that she has learnt to do gradually. You can't rush them, they come in their own time. They're like puppys, they have to learn the how.

And I don't know if anyone else will agree with me but, perhaps leave the rains at home until she is a bit older. Imho, she is too young for them. smile

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