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Help - nursery fears

(5 Posts)
Midge25 Mon 21-Jul-08 22:25:52

Apologies - have duplicated this elsewhere but wasn't sure where to post. Have come home in tears and feel like the worst mum in the world. My dd, 6m, is in the middle of settling-in sessions at nursery at the moment - I go back to work full-time in two weeks. At the moment she seems to react v negatively to strangers/noisy environments generally, and am not sure if this is developmental or part of her personality. She seems to get v upset at nursery if faced with either of the above, and the last couple of times I've come to collect her she's been hysterical and has been refusing her feed from staff, altho' will take it from me after a few mins to calm down. Today, I was told she had had a nap and played briefly before getting upset when older children came out to play and noise level increased in the garden. I want to foster as much social confidence in her as possible, but am worried this is all very traumatic for her? She has spent a lot of time just with me in the house due to a move to a new area and not knowing anyone with young kids - am thinking maybe it's all a bit of a shock after the quiet life? But also feel very bad if that's the case as I haven't given her a chance to socialise? Any words of reassurance or advice would be gratefully received

MrsWB Tue 22-Jul-08 14:34:14

I know how you feel as my DS was very similar. Like your DD he was used to being in a peaceful house with me. He started nursery at just under 12 months, and in the few months leading up to it he was very sensitive to noise, especially other children crying or shouting. It would upset him tremendously and he needed lots of cuddling to calm down.

When he started nursery he was the same, and all the staff commented on how upset he got when other children cried. They, I think, made sure he got lots of reassurance, and within a few weeks he was absolutely fine. He is now 15 months and very happy at nursery. Also not very bothered by noise now, or by other children crying. I collected him recently and there was a little girl sitting next to him bawling and he didn't bat an eyelid!

By the way, it may not be anything to do with not socialising, as DS had been seeing all the NCT babies once a week and he still, suddenly, got all distressed by their noise even though he was used to them. So try not to feel bad about not socialising as it may not have made any difference. It's probably just a developmental thing which is more acute with some babies than others.

Anyway, I hope this helps a bit. I am sure in time your DD will take all the noise and chaos in her stride. It will also help if the nursery staff are sensitive to her triggers and there to comfort her, which it sounds like they are.

laura325630 Tue 22-Jul-08 20:54:49

Hi, I used to be a nursery nurse for 4 years and we had lots of children join who were exactly the same. It is hard for them to start with as they are so used to alone time with you. The more they go the more confident they become with the carers and environment. More often then not they scream until you have left the room and then stop!!

To reassure yourself you could phone the nursery to check how your little one is (dont worry they wont mind!!), stay with her for 5 minutes when you pick her up and play toys with some of the carers - That way she will see that you enjoy it there.

Most of all dont worry, she will be fine and you will come to a point where she cries when she has to go home!!

Good luck x

TheOldestCat Tue 22-Jul-08 21:02:35

We didn't have this with DD at 6 months when she started nursery (although she went on hunger strike but that's another story!). But, some of the other babies were just like your DD and I saw them settle in and end up loving it very quickly.

And it's true what laura says, I've seen parents dropping off a bawling baby and he or she stops crying a minute or two later after a snuggle from a carer!

Midge25 Thu 24-Jul-08 20:34:52

Hi all. Sorry for delay in replying. My dd's had one further session this week and is due to have a full afternoon session tomorrow. The most recent session went a bit better - when I arrived to collect her she wasn't crying, which was a massive relief. Nursery staff said she'd been settled for longer periods which has given me some hope, altho am nervous about tomorrow as it's a much longer session. (She's only had 2hrs so far). Dd had still refused her feed though...

Thanks for all your reassurances and advice...just hoping I'm not about to get a hunger striking lo!

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