you know i'm starting to worry about 12 year old ds1

[cheeryface]

after the thread about me questioning ds bedtime i have begun to think things through a bit more.
i know ds1 chooses not to mix much, he has always been the same. he does get on with people and gets involved with people at school but it never progresses to a proper friendship.

he has never asked to bring anyone home and has never been invited to sleep out at anyones house ever.

even when younger he would never want to play outside with the others, always wants to be around the adults.

at school he stays behind helping the teachers and even eats lunch with them alot.

he is fantastic at all things technical and does sound and lighting for school productions etc and is sociable then but now it's the holidays, i don't think he will see anybody his age unless i invite someone over.

then, when i do i find it embarrassing as the only thing he will do with them is play on the computer or watch tv and they get bored!

he is a lovely boy, exceptionally intelligent, top of class for everything but i am worried that this is not a normal childhood. i haven't allowed free reign of sweets, bedtimes or tv in bedrooms so maybe i have alienated him somehow ??

i will only allow him and hour or 2 a day on the pc , hoping he will find something else to do, but he doesn't!

help please

[ssd]

is he happy though?

we can't all be the same

the most important thing is to talk to him, not us, ask him what he wants and how he feels

[cheeryface]

well, i think he's happy. if asked he says he is but tbh he doesn't give much away. if he can tell i am trying to be a bit heart to heart he just starts being all silly.

[ssd]

I think is he seems happy go with things as they are

main thing is to keep (trying) to talk

[BasementBear]

Hi Cheery, I read your other thread and I think your DS is very lucky to have such a caring Mum . It doesn't sound like he is unhappy from what you say, and we can't all be the life and soul of the party so I'd follow his lead re inviting friends etc. You say he likes doing sound and lighting - are there any drama groups locally he could get involved with besides the school? If you are worried about the PC use but he prefers being solitary, how about encouraging more reading?

[whatdayisit]

I was like that as a child and teenager. I had friends at school and at Guides etc and was generally happy (with the usual teenage angst) but in the hols, was quite happy to be with my family or on my own. I rarely saw anyone from school in the holidays, but was involved in youth groups with other kids,as I got older. I was pleased if I had somewhere to go, but not unhappy at all if I didn't.

TBH it's a positive. It meant I was never lead into things I didn't want to do and to this day, I am very self sufficient and happy with my own company. I have also stayed very close to my parents, which has been fab while my DCS are small

[Janni]

My DS1 is 12 and has done lots of playdates/sleepovers in his time. However, these days all he wants to do with friends is PC or TV unless I kick them out to play football. As long as your boy knows he's welcome to invite people back I wouldn't push it. The only other thing I would suggest would be to find out all about activities for his age group local to you and see if anything appeals. It's probably important, thought, that he doesn't start getting the idea you think there's something wrong with him - you sound like a nice, caring mum and I'm sure he really appreciates that.

[lljkk]

If he's happy & not bullied, I wouldn't worry.