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Why is my 13mo so angry and aggressive?

(9 Posts)
MaHen Thu 17-Jul-08 12:34:38

Can anyone help? We are at our wits end with ds2. He is 13 months and pretty much from 2 weeks old we have had difficulties with his behaviour and it's not getting much easier. He had horrific Colic from 2 to 8 weeks and then reflux started once the colic had gone. He has cried almot 90% of his waking life and is now starting to become very angry. He regularly smacks and pinches our faces - anything he picks up he rips up or tries to break. He always wakes up crying/screaming and even when we put him in our bed in the morning he screams if one of us gets up to get his milk/go out of the room. Feeding him is a nightmare as he cries and throws food all over us. We have always put this behaviour down to his reflux as he suffered terribly with trapped wind and acid, GP and HV said it would get better after first year. We have seen some improvement since he's been walking, but he is still unbelievebly demanding and has huge trantrums if he can't get his own way. We are now worried that his behaviour isn't just about his digestive issues, but something more. We have an older son, he is 6 and we never experienced anything like this with him. It such a shame because the small amount of time he does seem happy and conent he is beautiful, clever and a little entertainer - but it's not very often.. sorry to go on - but this only touches on the problems we have with him. If anyone has any advice, I'd love to hear it.

HonoriaGlossop Thu 17-Jul-08 12:50:13

I think it must be so hard to see anything positively after the 13 months of stress you have had!

If this was me what I would do is go the GP specifically for an appointment to talk about this and I'd list ALL the difficulties you have - as you say this post only touches on the problems. I'd ask for a referral to a Paed so that your DS can be checked out. If he needs help of some kind you will have started the process; and if not, then at least you'll know.

Other than that I would try to think positively about him which I do realise must be hard. However, many children do alot of what you list here;
my ds for instance woke crying every morning for AGES, I don't think it's that unusual.

And he would cry and fuss at this age if we left the room; seperation anxiety is normal and healthy at this age and for a long time to come.

Slapping, pinching, biting; VERY common again at this age and needs to be dealt with as I'm sure you're doing, by putting him down straight away and ignoring for a short while.

Feeding him; maybe he wants not to BE fed? Does he want to self feed? Maybe striving for more independence?

Tantrums, again common, for some this is early but just recently I've read a couple of threads on here about 11 month olds etc who are throwing humdingers! They just need no attention which again I'm sure you're already doing

He sounds a high maintenance boy. It must be very hard if you didn't have this with your first.

MaHen Thu 17-Jul-08 16:17:00

Thanks for your reassuring words. I have now made an appointment to see the GP again and we will take it from there. I suppose I've just hoped that 'things will improve over time' with him and I guess it hasn't really.

violetsmile Thu 17-Jul-08 16:24:38

Wow, I feel like I wrote the original post! My ds is 11 months old and is high needs. He still cries loads, he fusses and whinges a lot of the day. He has enormous tantrums when in the pushchair or car. He screams and smacks if he can't do something. He seems so very different to my friends placid babies. He can never just sit and be happy, he is always on the go and very irritable. I dread going out with him but hate being stuck in the house.

We had him on gaviscon when he was younger but it did nothing.

We have the same issues with the feeding. We mainly rely upon baby led weaning but even then he gets bored after a few minutes and cries to come out of his high chair.

When he is happy he is delightful, just a shame he doesn't seem happy a lot of the time. It's hard work and non stop. He screams when he wakes up too.

He seems to be very intense and I really worry he is just always going to be miserable.

Today I have felt real dispair with him and I can't see it getting any easier really.

He whinges what ever I try and do for him. I know what you are going through!

MaHen Thu 17-Jul-08 21:31:59

Violetsmile - I had a day just like you today, thats why I posted this message as just don't know what's wrong anymore. Its such a relief to find someone else that's experiencing something similar. Does your son wake in the night? We have rarely had a full night sleep since he arrived, he regularly wakes in the night with what appears to be stomach ache, even if we bring him into our bed he is fidgety and irritable in his sleep. We have found that gripe water can really help sometimes, especially when there seems to be no end to his tantrums/crying/refusal of food. We do generally let him feed himself now as unless we catch him at the 'perfect' time to eat he screams in his high chair, arches his back and pushes himself almost out of the bottom of the chair. Today has been particularly bad, I tried to feed him his dinner whilst he was sitting on my knee, just so he would eat something, he just put his hands in the bowl and threw the bowl of food off the table.. needless to say I could have thrown him through the window!!! We are at docs tomorrow and I will push for a refferal to the hospital.. thanks for your message - I just asked my husband to read it and it does make up both feel not so alone with these problems. I promise, if there is a 'miracle cure' you'll be the first to know!!!

violetsmile Sun 20-Jul-08 08:15:34

Thank you! Please do let me know how you get on at the doctors.

What you are saying about the screaming and arching back in the high chair sounds so very familiar!

Also the grabbing the bowl and food refusal, I know how frustrating it can be when you just feel like they NEED to eat but won't.

He used to sleep through from 3 months til 8 months but now our nights are very disturbed.

Sometimes he just wants a bit of reassurance and a hug then will go back down fine, other times he won't be put back down.

He also gets very irritable if we try and co sleep with him.

He hates being restricted and will cry out in his sleep if he is in our arms but also will cry if we put him down.

There seems to be nothing that doesn't p* him off and yesterday I just wanted to cry all day.

I really don't know how we are going to cope if things don't improve. i feel like we are doing everything wrong.

We give so much to ds, so much love, attention, stimulation but I feel that we get nothing back.

I adore him but sometimes it would be nice for him to be happy!

He doesn't even like going in the pushchair for more than 10 mins so I'm often housebound.

Nice to know we are not alone too. I really thought things would have improved by now.

Other people's 1 year olds sem so different to mine. Maybe it's just his personality. He does seem to be very strong willed and frustrated.

Perhaps when they are able to communicate better, they will mellow!

Don't feel too bad though. I've read on many threads that people with difficult babies sometimes find the toddler stage a doddle.

Perhaps the terrible twos will not be so terrible!

Good luck, let me know how things work out. x

MaHen Tue 22-Jul-08 20:31:38

Well the terribles twos should be a doddle compared to what we are experiencing now!!!. We are at the hospital with him tomorrow as he's been referred and because my husband is in Bupa with work, we are being seen really quickly. He seems to have been better with his food over the last couple of days, since I changed his breakfast cereal. He's been having Weetabix and I wonder whether it's a wheat intolerance?? I don't know much about intolerances to be fair, but maybe?? He also is very irritable when when bring him into our bed too. I have tried controlled crying on the nights when I feel he's not in pain through teething or stomach ache and it has worked and he's gone back to sleep on his own until a reasonable time in the morning. But there are nights when he's irritable and fidgety and there is no chance of him staying in his own room. He seems really clumsy at the moment. On Sunday, he fell down the stairs top to bottom as the stairgate had not quite been shut properly. He keeps falling over and has cut his lip open 3 times over the last few days and he's managed to cut a chunk out of the end of his big toe. He just seems so manic half the time, he's tripping over things and bashing himself on anything in his way. I will let you know what the hospital say. Hope you had a better day with your little one!

noonki Tue 22-Jul-08 20:45:38

Hi MaHen

My 14month old is like yours though possibly not as extreme...

now you last post has just grabbed me.

I am currently undergoing loads of tests to see if I am a Coeliac (kind of wheat intolerant)

and I have literarly just come off a coeliac website that said that it can often be genetic. So I looked at symptoms for children and irritablity, and bloated tummies are the big things...(and in adults being clumsy..but maybe kids too)

but of course it may just be their personalities,

let us know how you get on, it sounds v stressful poor you ((()))

PS if he goes for tests for coeliac it is really important that he doesn't cut out wheat before the test as he would not show the intolerance

noonki Tue 22-Jul-08 20:46:01

Hi MaHen

My 14month old is like yours though possibly not as extreme...

now you last post has just grabbed me.

I am currently undergoing loads of tests to see if I am a Coeliac (kind of wheat intolerant)

and I have literarly just come off a coeliac website that said that it can often be genetic. So I looked at symptoms for children and irritablity, and bloated tummies are the big things...(and in adults being clumsy..but maybe kids too)

but of course it may just be their personalities,

let us know how you get on, it sounds v stressful poor you ((()))

PS if he goes for tests for coeliac it is really important that he doesn't cut out wheat before the test as he would not show the intolerance

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