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advice on development of nearly three yr old...please please!!

(10 Posts)
holybatsh1t Wed 16-Jul-08 10:06:40

just wanted to get some opinions or advice on DD1 who turns three next month she has been attending preschool for one term now, but has had trouble settling in she loves going there, but does not llike change of activity etc which resulted in tantrums and the ammount of time she attends has been slowly increased week by week. However, this has greatly improved, the staff seem pleased with her progress on this subject My next point is that she has a speech delay and has just started speech therapy. She has a very good vocab and good understanding etc. We are getting lots short sentences (6-7words) progress on this has been slow. Hearing seems ok, and in general we can communicate well together in all areas. When at pre-school, she doesn't interact that much with the other children, is this lack of confidence at her own communication skills? shyness? or sensitivity? I'm also concernred that she does not seem to ask many questions or have any of her own imaginative play. She is being assessed by a SENCO soon which is good. At home she has calmed down on her tantrums, or I have learnt how to deal with them. She often needs lots of reassurance that the little things don't matter. She has a few friends of her own age that we see on a fairly regular basis, but again because of her speech delay she does not seem as close as some of her other peers. I'm just very worried at the moment, that she seems to be a little bit different from other children her own age. I know they ar not all the same and that they all develop at very different levels, but does any of this sound more serious to you??

lucyellensmum Wed 16-Jul-08 11:03:02

hello - my DD is the same age as yours. She has speech delay too, and has been having speech therapy since 18m - im not actually sure it made much difference. Not that ST is not any good, but i think she would have come on in her own way. She has been signed off SALT but im still concerned. I wonder if your DDs lack of interaction is due to her speech problem? My DD tries to make friends, but the other children do tend to leave her behind as i don't think she can make herself understood. My DD is extremely shy around adults and will hide her face and gets very upset if they talk to her. So will be very interested to see how she goes when she starts pre-school in october. My DD is much the same as yours in terms of vocab and understanding. I am interested and worried as to how she will cope at pre-school. In fact we went there the other day to look around and DD said she didn't like it hmm worried.

I get from your post you are worried about autism? I was too, but i'm not any more. My DD is exactly the same as yours really when it comes to questions and imaginative play. She has tantrums and can be rigid about routines sometimes. things have to be just so. But after a while posting here I have learnt that all toddlers go through these phases and im no longer worried. Which for me is a BIG deal, because i suffer from anxiety disorder. A

My DD is a beautiful, loving and healthy little girl. She has her quirks, so do her friends. What i find interesting is that her two little friends who we have tried to nurture a friendship with are much the same. They are a bit older yet they still prefer the whole playing alongside type of play as apposed to team playing.

I would try not to worry, see what the SENCO says. OF course she is different from the other children, she is YOURS and you notice everything about her - you only see a snapshot of the others.

You sound like you are doing all of the right things though - enjoy her.

Poshpaws Wed 16-Jul-08 11:35:53

Hi holybatsh1t.

I agree with LEM. A lot of toddlers/pre schoolers play alongside each other. Also if she has a speech delay, it may affect her social interaction.

DS2 has speech delay (he is 3.2), but he does play with others and ask simple questions such as 'What's that?' or 'Where is...' .

Must admit, I am surprised that your DD is having SALT and is classed as having a delay if she can put 6-7 word sentences together at just under three. I am very impressed. DS2 averages 3 word-sentences and sometimes 4 grin.

Have you tried posting this under Special Needs as the ladies there may be able to reassure you?

lingle Wed 16-Jul-08 12:21:44

I'm also surprised you're having speech therapy. Did you refer yourself?

I've taken DS2 (2 years, 10 months, 200 words but hardly any phrases) to the drop-in speech clinic and talked through progress subsequently with the SALT who said that his profile was in the normal range for his age (I think they expect to see more delayed boys). Very little imaginative play. His elder brother who is NT had very little imagination until about 4.

But I really really do sympathise, because I share your anxiety. I see the other little kids chatting to each other and he can't do it and it's painful. I worry about autism of course, though like the other poster I'm getting less frightened, not more. I raised the autism concern with the SALT and she was very sympathetic - told me how she'd ended up thinking her own 2-year-old was autistic also after going on her first training course. It's the elephant in the room when you talk about speech delay isn't it?

I spent yesterday afternoon travelling up and down the train line with him trying to get him to say things like "look train". "nice train" "train soon" "big train" "we're on the train" "get off the train", "train's coming". And being so thrilled when he repeated any of those phrases. People were staring at me. I no longer care.

Mine also has strong feelings about which plate he has - that kind of thing. The health visitor suggested that these rigid routines only matter if they continue in other contexts (eg on holiday - would he miss the plate? - answer no, he wouldn't think about it).

It's so tricky, you're supposed to go with your gut feeling about your child but about 50% of us have anxious gut feelings so you never know when you're right to be worried.

Do enjoy her, and don't let other mums' discussions about their children's "friends" upset you. Parallel play is absolutely normal at her age.

Kewcumber Wed 16-Jul-08 12:25:25

Gosh she's not even three! She sounds very normal to me, my DS will be three in Novemebr so a little younger but I think he won;t be any different at all to your DD if he were to styart preschool in Sept (I have chosen not to send him as I don't think he's ready).

I'm with everyone else 3-7 words sentances don;t sound like a delay to me - DS is only using 2-4 words at the moment

castlesintheair Wed 16-Jul-08 12:29:31

Definitely a speech delay will cause problems with friendships/social interaction though I agree with Kewcumber you really shouldn't worry at this age. Playing 'together' really starts properly at school, though there are always exceptions of course.

holybatsh1t Wed 16-Jul-08 14:25:04

wow, thanks everyone, just reading your posts have made me feel so much better...for now anyway! Its so hard not to worry all the time. I just want to do the right thing for her. Yes, I have thought about autism and AS, but although she may tick some of the boxes she doesn't tick all. I do enjoy my little one very very much, although I'm also finding it extremely hard and frustrating with the slow progress she is making (though don't show her my frustration). I'll wait and see how she gets on with the SENCO, her assesment is taking place right now actually! thanks again

lucyellensmum Wed 16-Jul-08 16:01:37

will watch with interest to see how she gets on xx

smallwhitecat Wed 16-Jul-08 16:11:12

Message withdrawn

lingle Wed 16-Jul-08 18:04:19

Holybatsh1t, your last post could have been written by me. It's a challenge, no doubt about it.

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